I love how ripples float like clouds
that drift from reef to ridge
and bubbles, when they lift and race
like magnets on the fridge,
but sometimes ripples
bring me down
and bubbles make
that popping sound.
Then when my world starts slipping through
that's when I'll dream of you.
I love when skies glow purple-pink.
I love the autumn air.
I love the sun's one final wink
before the lights despair,
but darkness drains
what love attains
and things I've seen
can seem routine.
At night when nightmares teeter through
that's when I'll dream of you.
I hate how most things rot to dust.
It's hard to love what dies.
What's useful once, can turn to rust
but one look in your eyes...
and never quite
a softer light
has lifted
someone through.
So all day long when nothing's wrong
then too, I'll dream of you.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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I liked it but not sure if the title is right.I understand the context of the use in the poem itself but the *when I'll dream of you* sounds wrong.Just my opinion.
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I never really considered how the title worked (or didn't in this case) hehe,
how's the new approach?
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A+
Much better
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fourth try.
really sweet and romantic. -
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wow
..... sorry. I suck at this -
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Beautiful writing as always. I love the progression- dreaming of "you" helps when everything is wrong, but nothing needs to be wrong to dream.
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Awesome!
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Love the whole first stanza, it really gets to the heart of the issue. The same things that make someone happy can also make the same person sad. Great write, as always. later Honeybe
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Wow.
This is great!
Im not sure how else to put it.
You are one very good poet.
The last stanza is my favorite,
and this is my favorite line :
"So all day long when nothing's wrong
then too, I'll dream of you."
Great job.
Good luck.
-Justin
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Outstanding
This is one of the best I've read so far on this site.
Flows beautifully. Conveys it's meaning with clever rhymes and imagery using everyday objects. Simple, contemporary, language with no pretense.
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I really love the line
"that's when I'll dream of you."
and the way you repeated it at the end of every stanza. Great write here my dear, and I hope you the best of luck with everything else you write in the future
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Peace & Love,
Ma
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