Just stick a pen in my heart
An' let me suicide all over the page
Take this life you destroyed
Let it become all the rage
Don't get to bent out of shape
You're so good at what you do
You make living without you such a chore
Even dying wouldn't do it for you.
I'd cut all my losses if I could
But you're flowing too deep inside my veins
I guess you really are my drug of choice
I'd shoot up again and again
I'm a man with no choices
I've got no resolve
I'd rather see you dead if I could
Than to be under another man's hold
[CHORUS]
You can call it a death wish
If it comes down to the wire
Cover me turpentine
And let me burn in holy fire...
Just stick a pen in my heart
An' let me suicide all over the page
Take this life you destroyed
Let it become all the rage
Don't get to bent out of shape
You're so good at what you do
You make living without you such a chore
Even dying wouldn't do it for you.
[CHORUS]
You can call it a death wish
If it comes down to the wire
Cover me in turpentine
And let me burn in holy fire...
A contest entry
- broken into pieces by darkangelcutter.
300 points, ended December 5, 2006, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Alternative Lyrics (Quickie Contest) by Frodofan.
425 points, ended December 13, 2006, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Delightful Shell Shocker. by delightfulmess.
875 points, ended October 17, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sting in the tail - odd balls enter here! by superbanana.
700 points, ended August 12, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Its very dark and powerful, liked it alot
Gg luck in the competition -
this was one dark song.... 
Loved it
SO much emotion in this I sure hope this
hopeless feeling has passed or weakened by now.
thank you for entering the contest
delila
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Transcend all
I'd cut all my losses if I could
But you're flowing too deep inside my veins...... I've been caught in that very moment were the blade so cold was your only friend to cut away the numbness the heartache. But it could never work you'd be dead long before they'd gone, they coarse through my veins,I'm the host for their pleasure. Groovy Lyrics!
namaste'
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This is quite a deep poem. My favorite line that catches my interest is: "I'd cut all my losses if I could But you're flowing too deep inside my veins" I think I'll look into some of your other work.
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Again with the "an'." This line is funky, "An' let me suicide all over the page." Let me suicide? Improper language. Not to mention, if someone stabbed you it would not be suicide but murder, unless it was assisted suicide but you don't explain yourself.
Otherwise, a good flow. I like the chorus best. Thanks for entering. -
"Just stick a pen in my heart
An' let me suicide all over the page"
i love that part. for some reson theres just somthing about that thats so good. its definatly origanal sentance. your poetry is so good... god damn im gonna have to add you to my fav's!
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I really like this, it feels so personal, I can relate!
Nice rhyming and good choice of words.
I like that it's in a song format. Wonder how it would sound with music to it?
Well done.
Regards
Previn
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Very emotional
I very much like the part "You're so good at what you do you make living without you such a chore."I can see how much you have put into this.well done.
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