Her body thin and lifeless,
threatened with the cold,
Her head a twisted state,
thoughts of what tomorrow will hold.
Corpse a twig, thin and brittle,
would snap in half if touched.
An idiot, refuses to eat,
but who are we to judge?
Each day she wonders 'Is this my last?'
feeling only hate and pain,
Thoughts taking her to hell,
her mind going insane.
It's torture for her still being here,
just wants to die and fast,
No more worries, she's gone soon,
her hate and anger to be passed.
Slowly but surely, she takes the scissors,
holds them to her vein,
Red liquid pouring,
blood loss, her mental gain.
Please don't be evil about it, I only had 5 minutes to write it in! lol
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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WOW you wrote that in 5 minutes.. Thats freaken amazing I couldnt write that if i had 20 lol thats such an amzing write .
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Good stuff
Well written, especially considering you had 5 minutes to write it. That is quite impressive. Very sad and vivid. Vivid imagery is the key to good poetry and I think you realize that, I see it in your poetry. I would work on debeloping your skills with imagery and trying to think of things in terms of similies and metaphors. For example. "A poet is a tree trunk that longs for branches". That's just a random silly example from me. Anyway, I must say this is good stuff. Keep writing and it will pay off. -
Never go here, it will not solve a thing and hurts all the ones left behind...even if you think no one cares. It hurts.
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wow
This is a very powerful write I think some of your could lose all the caps they are not needed and it upsets the poem. other than that your poem is very moving
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Brilliant Wizzy...Nat said you were improving big time and here is the evidence! Very vivid and graphic, but then thats what makes for excellent poetry. You write far better than alot of adults on this site. As for the subject matter, I can only describe it as sad (for lack of a better word at this late hour), and a common occurance that has become all too familiar in contemporary society.
I blame in part the mass media (overpriced fashion magazines etc). Too much pressure on young girls/women with no confidence in their individuality who try to buy an image of feminine perfection. It doesn't exist. Notwithstanding the complex emotional/psychological problems associated with your protagonist.
Anyway, thought this was superb sweetheart.
Sonia XXXX -
Excellent!
Hiya babes, where you learning to write like this eh? You're nearly as good as i am lol Excellent babes, I am really impressed with this one. Well done chuck i told ya already what needs editing so get on with it hehehe
lubs ya
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Unbelievable (in 5 minutes)!
WOW! If you wrote this in five minutes - what can you write in 50 minutes? I thought this was incredible. The imagery is startling and really draws you in. At first, I thought it was about an old person but towards the end of the poem, I saw it as a young person who is struggling. I think it's an incredible poem and I hope you get a really good appraisal for it.
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