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Thanksgiving Night (terzanelle #21)

 

A long cold wind blows down the long brown hall.
The lights are dim. The night man gently paces.
And one by one we drift beyond brick walls.

We AWOL through our dreams and greet the faces
that make our stomachs sick with love and dread.
The lights are dim. The night man gently paces.

Outside our doors the floor creaks from the tread
of memories, like ghosts within the halflight,
that make our stomachs sick with love and dread.

We've eaten much, and yet there looms a hunger,
an emptiness that writhes amid the gloom
of memories, like ghosts within the halflight.

We stir the darkness in our broken rooms.
We're full, for we ate well to stuff our sorrows,
an emptiness that writhes amid the gloom.

The heater drones, yet chill seeps to the marrow.
A long cold wind blows down the long brown hall.
We're full, for well we ate to stuff our sorrows,
And one by one we drift beyond brick walls.

 

 

Author notes

to learn more about the terzanelle: http://allpoetry.com/column/show/784852

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1 - 10 of 10

  • honey bear
    December 19, 2006

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    exelent work

    this is an exelent writ ethat paints a vivid picture and makes the reader feel the loneliness and yearning,thank you for sharing this with us ,i enjoyed this very much.sad deep and very moving keep up the good work i am so glad i clicked on your name and found this exelent piece by reading your page

  • Poet4theSpirit
    November 23, 2006
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    Half-light "my typo"
  • Poet4theSpirit
    November 23, 2006
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    Actually half-ligh
  • Poet4theSpirit
    November 23, 2006

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    Good imagery here. first and second lines. The night man anxiously paces or is it gentle? I like that line the ghost within the halflight although I'm not sure halflight is in the dictionary,Half and Light they both are I may be wrong though. You might try another similie or metaphor to replace halflight.You have some great fresh lines here. You have painted a picture and I feel the sorrow, fear, emptiness and gloom. Where are you in this poem? My own curiosity. You are a brilliant poet!

    . Rewarded 4


    • Zahhar gold member
      November 23, 2006
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      that's a good question, asking where i am in this poem. i kind of know, and i kind of don't. i'm a member of we, but in a distant reflecting sense. i'm narrating for the kids in the group home i work at, in a sense. but i also grew up in group homes. in a way i'm both one of the kids and their advocate, someone who wishes to draw a little attention to their existence and condition.

      when i first started using the word "halflight", i had originally hyphenated it. but then after i wrote a poem called "Halflight", i reflected on this hyphenation seriously, and decided to remove it. i wanted to bring the "half" and the "light" closer, so it is more thoroughly "halflight" rather than being more distantly "half-light". besides, unnecessary hyphens and other types of punctuation can be distracting in a poem that's gone out of it's way to avoid the use of punctuation.

      enjoyed your thoughts, and i'm glad you stopped by and left them.

  • SuZyCuE
    November 21, 2006

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    Excellent

    I really like this one Erin, I get a feeling of emptiness and a little fear, maybe its from all the dread you talk about, or maybe its the ghosts of thanksgiving past thats leaves you full of dread and sorrow. I know like you, holidays are never easy for me anymore, when everyone else is feasting and celebrating, Im usually the one deep in thought about everything that is missing, and sometimes the people we surround ourselves with never understand. Anyway, great poem as usual
    Suzanne


  • BlackWidow43 silver member
    November 20, 2006

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    that's awesome.... i love the way you always write in different forms. i actually hadn't studied the terzanelle... but it's awesome... looks real difficult...and I love that you write about a variety of things... you don't just stick to one thing like love or pain or whatever.... you write about cherry blossoms and thanksgiving... awesome

  • Kay Laon Anders
    November 20, 2006

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    "memories, like ghosts..."

    Thanksgiving is the one holiday I love....I like new years...i have fun at the 4th of july but thanksgiving is the holiday i actually love... I never thought that it could be a time of sorrow for others....you have opened my mind once more..."memories, like ghosts..." that they are ...

    Splendid write...

    KAY


  • black kitten22
    November 20, 2006

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    interesting

    Im going to be honest, as always, this is a good write, but its a bit bland which is why it works, its very bleak, quiet and heavy, the rhythm and flow coincides perfectly with the concept of the piece.
    i liked the idea of comparing a hungry belly to emptiness, simple but effective, this is not one of your best poems which i have read so far,you do excel at dark melancholic pieces, i personally would like to see you try doing something lighter and warmer, more sensual, this poem is not dramatic, it is ultimately empty, which is a good thing, you do make the viewer feel empty, which is the point, the ending is great, it slowly drifts away like a black ghost, it has a delicate subtlety and a soft glow,i like it, i have one criticism, i dont see the need to write certain words in capitals, words speak for themselves, especially in a silent poem like this.

1 - 10 of 10