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Inexplicable Perfection

Deep lines of life experience defile your graceful beauty,
Internal issues further weaken your delicate frame,
Distinguished eyes glitter with a youthful exuberance
As fine words flow from florid lips.

Hearty laughter - the memories of years past -
Obstructed by an ugly, yet, pleasurable habit.
Still, despite obvious fragility, it's clear that
The mind is as sharp as ever.

And it is there wherein the forbidden attraction lies -

A discerning wit, keen intellect and boyish charm

That, with every day you age, draws me in

But leaves me searching.

 

 

Author notes

It's only taken me about two years, but I've finally finished it!

In a list

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • CaliOkie silver member
    June 27

    Edit | Reply
    We love at the level of the soul. Young souls, old souls, souls we have met before. Souls live independent of the times or social norms and we must have the courage to look beyond the surface.

    Stunning.

    Garrison.


  • SteveS gold member
    June 23

    Edit | Reply
    Super...I love the bit of tug and pull at the end, creates a tender yet unsettling feeling. Well done.


  • SpydurPoet gold member
    June 17

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. That was incredible. You word choice was excellent. The last stanza was amazing.
    Write on.
    ~*~SP~*~


  • Icarus Lives
    May 16
    Edit | Reply
    Different. The human mind is an astounding thing.


  • AliceinPoetryLand gold member
    May 11

    Edit | Reply
    Oh this is just beautiful and leaves me thinking heartily with your final stanza!
    Thank you for your entry
    Gaylene


  • Moon Star
    April 16

    Edit | Reply
    i only have one thing to say.....AMAZING. it got me thinking about what you meant,and even now it is a mystery, which makes me think more. ive read a few of ur poems but never commented and im not sure why....but this is.....u r an amazing writer.


  • Babesface
    April 14

    Edit | Reply
    It just drew me in! The alliteration, the words, just wow! One of my favourites. And I had that much written before I copped! It's actually left me kinda speechless! And as you entered my contest I have to give you the standard:
    Thanks for entering and best of luck in the contest! :


    • Gigglegasm gold member
      April 14
      Edit | Reply
      I didn't want you to know. But anyhow, thank you, I like it when people appreciate the effort I put in with my words


  • artis
    April 14

    Edit | Reply

    Always preserve the mystery,

    leave the reader hanging and coming back for more. I find no words that are not understandable, in this poem about an attraction to someone older and wiser, but yet still a boy at heart. It is this kind of a person, who only ages externally, that holds the secrets to happiness for two. Great write.~~Artis


  • hisaddiction
    April 12
    Edit | Reply
    This is so good it's insane!

  • Angelshadow
    April 11

    Edit | Reply
    That, with every day you age, draws me in

    And leaves me searching.

    Interesting conclusion.

    It was interesting to read, I also a different background

    Hearty laughter - the memories of years past -
    Obstructed by an ugly, yet, pleasurable habit.

    That line got me wondering. Do they dress dirty?

    Still was an interesting read to re-read again.

    Also liked the title.





  • Cherokee
    December 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    too wordy for me... I'm sorry. Please enter something else though.

    • Gigglegasm gold member
      December 27, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      You're not the first person to have said that, but thanks for reading anyway.


  • ellipsist
    May 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    I can't wait to

    read the conclusion...


  • Electric Sunrise gold member
    April 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Cheers for the comment shelly, thought i'd return it, hmmm i like it, some deep imagery here, nice theme, i wonder how it will look when it's finished, do let me know when your finished with it so i can check it out.
    I read the comment below, personally i dont agree, i think the big words give the line structure the pace and speed you want it to have, be happy with what you pour from your soul.

    • Gigglegasm gold member
      April 11
      Edit | Reply
      You asked to let you know I finish it, and two years later, I finally have.


  • midnight oil
    April 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Too many big words. Be deep. Very deep...man. But Im sure you could do better thatn that girl!!!


  • Deliverance
    December 23, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This poem needs to be written. You cant leave me dangling after Ive read the first six lines and not continue with it. Its like watching the beggining of a film and then theres a power cut. Unfair, finish it please


    • Gigglegasm gold member
      December 23, 2006
      Edit | Reply
      I know how you feel, it's been irritating me for some time now, but I can't for some unknown reason...


  • Pink Absinthe
    November 19, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    oh...I love this write! Its complicated, deep and dark! =) the language is twisted to perfection, well done this is brilliant!

1 - 20 of 20