Listening to you breathe
allowing time to take it's course.
Fighting off the need
to make you scream until you're hoarse.
I'm here tonight to take you,
I'll make you moan with sensual pleasure.
My tongue along your shaft
is blissful beyond measure.
Taking you in my mouth,
my lips wrapped around the head,
licking you up and down
until you quiver in your bed.
I can feel you getting ready,
you're about to lose control.
Passion is flowing
from deep within your soul.
Swallowing deeply
down my throat your excitement slides.
I look up at you and whisper,
"Next time can I ride?"
A contest entry
- erotic poetry by JustDavey.
600 points, ended January 31, 2007, 29 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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god this piece really got me in the mood.......... awwwwwww ......... great piece!!!!
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hahaha
when i read the title, I was thinking along the lines of: A good day to die. But you made it a special day to be in love. enjoyable one it appears.
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Short, exquisite, and very nicely done! I really like that last line, but everything leading up to it, was just as great!
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I think that you did a great job. This doesn't seem forced and that seems to happen a lot, I'm happy I found something that is good.
~Alix -
Well............................
At least I see you won honorable mention. You did exactly what the contest contailed of. It's not really my kind of read, but that doesn't by any means take away the greatness of the poem. Not being rude
POETDONTKNOWIT -
Sounds more like a good night,but this could just as easily happen in broad daylight too. good rhythm (for sure) and rhyme too, very sensual, erotic and naughty. Riding is good too - each should have their turn. Nice to see an honorable mention award as well for this entry in the contest.
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you held a fun rhyme throughout, which made the poem more enjoyable to read for me
excellent subject choice too and the ending is a kicker 
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wow...one of the best flowing erotic poems i've read.
great job.
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Lucious
When God Oppend
the door of Heaven,
he asked:
What is your wish
for today?!
I said:
Lord Please
take care of
the one reading
this poem!
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made me take notice
and yes you cn ride -
good luck in the contest
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"Next time can I ride?" Now that is what I call hot! I love this! I love how your so.....whats the word.......seductive? Its so damn hot! The rhyme flow is nice too. Thanks for entering. Good Luck
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Masterful Write
Your flow on this one is great-the images true to life and well defined.It actually potrays the slave & master Relationship in love making since in this instance it was "all give" and "no take"
Love
Sam
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very good
Enjoyed reading this!!! Hot Hot Hot!!!!
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Thank you for your comment! Glad you liked this piece, as I had fun writing it!
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lol a contest for 69?? eh...wow!
this poem is so amazing. its got a clear picture. which in errotica is needed badly. i try my best to master that but as i can see here you dont even have to try. its there each and every detailed told and in such good chosen words and detail too! wow inspirational and just a lovely vision of a GREAT DAY...next time can i ride" lol love that...i wish my bf would say that once in awhile..riding is tiresome
but enjoyable...im glad to hear that you have such an amazing time behind close doors......erg......yummy poetry miss
LOTS OF RESPECT
the spine chilled mensch!
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Very Good
I was going to say this flows well - but I think that was apparent from the poem.
As a piece of writing, it is actually really good, the rhyme works really well and it is at least interesting.
I think the title does it an injustice, the last line is really good and works well within the piece, I would have used the last line as the title. It is suggestive without been obvious, which, if you took most of the other lines from the poem they would be.
A good piece.
James
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Yeah... a good day...
We (you and I) know what inspired this one. Hopefully you'll 'have a good day' here real soon. Awesome write, as usual. Very erotic... love it.
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It sounds very lustful, with a tad of intensity until the last line which kind of made me laugh.
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that's cute, I like the ending ;-)
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Intense!
Explicit and very well written. Good luck in the contest.
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Very Good Day Indeed
This needs to be repeated daily.
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This is a first for me and I really enjoyed reading it. For what you were saying it was written well. You got all the right spots,,lol,, and held my attention thru out. The ending was good and cute. And I fully understand it.
lindadoster -
graphical delight
oh! oh! a lion sleeps tonight? I dont think so.....
this is one of the hottest writes I,ve had the 'pleasure' to read, it should carry a public health warning to those with weak tickers. (call me an ambulance, now.... hehe).
you have created a fantastic erotic piece here my friend, the imagination needs no poking with this one.
more...more...more... I hear readers cry out.(oh, this room has an echo ?)
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sugar coated candy cane
i wouldn't usally click on to a poem like this but i saw it was you and thought i'd check it out. anyhow you got my attention...well written poem with exceptional images and passionate desire.. with a cute little "re quest" as sugar coating finish. rudolf
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Sensual
Very easy to read and understand what's happening here - sounds like a good night as well - flows well, and very visual. Check the spelling of throat at the end. Good thrythm and rhyme in these lines too.
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Erotic
Missy...now you stepped outside the box on this write, I see your new roomy has inspired you! Ha! Good write, a crystal clear visual! ~Tia
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