I hear your screams tonight
It's music to my ears
You're alive
I see your tears tonight
It's a work of art to these eyes
You're alive
The fire within your heart still burns
Burns with painful flames
Creating a suffocating smoke
But you're breathing just the same
Laying broken upon your plight
When comfort was calling your name
But still you chose to fight
I'm grateful for your suffering
I feel your pain tonight
It's a blissful sensation to endure
I'm alive
I am your mind tonight
It's a marvelous thing to be
Alive
A contest entry
- I Want To Feeeelll The Emotion(prewrites allowed) any subject.. by dragontuba.
600 points, ended April 3, 2007, 135 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Very beautiful.... I love all these lines.. The difference between the lines in the first few stanzas - they were very... um... How would you say - complimentary? I'm not sure, they played very well contrast with each other.
You had some very beautiful lines in here.. I love the slowness to this one. Beautifully crafted - your words still linger.
Wonderfully done
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I see this interesting poem as commentary by the person's mind on the relief felt that the narrator has fought and won an internal battle that could have resulted in suicide, real or methaphorical. In that sense, the pain is welcome as it signifies life and the willingness to fight on rather than capitulation to the pressures faced. Well done. camus
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I am your mind tonight
It's a marvelous thing to be
Alive
Great ending,,beautiful finish..though I wounder rather your writting about the suffering of your friend but they are still alive....'
I feel the emotions in this,,good luck in the contest...
Best Of Wishes
dragontuba -
WOW!
This was a great write! I felt the emotion…the love you feel for that person. That’s amazing. You couldn’t have written it any better!!! Keep up the good work!
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Wow, this was a very strong, thought provoking poem. I loved the way that you ended it. It was extremely powerful. Well done for a great poem.
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Thank you for your kind comment, I am glad that you liked it. I am also glad that you caught the ending, I wanted it to come off as a surprise.
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