my black kitty near
the tacklebox and fishnet
quick curious paws
storm and computer
screen aglow with my poetry
saved from power surge
clock on the wall ticks
my flytrap needs some water
abandoned cobweb
picture of children
calendar needs to be changed
my womb is empty
Author notes
I was looking around my house today and found more than I thought was there.
A contest entry
- anything your heart desires, prewrites, new, everything! by wendymolly.
555 points, ended July 27, 2008, 41 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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congrats! 
~pithyA
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awesome observations that take heeded notice to create a flawless moment in time! for me, this is the essence of writing, the spare of the moment, not thinking, just getting in there and letting the heart take over, what it feels is taking place, expelling our observations in that sense, that we are initially unaware, possibly even what we may have just written.
and for that, you are definitely a contest finalist!
take care and always keep the ink! ~pithyAplomB. -
WAO
looking through your poems around here I just stopped by this one because I don't know why but the title was promissing me something special...and I wasn't dissapointed.I just love the way you play with words.it proves that you care a little about the reader and you knwo that a good one always loves to be challanged.
Well done!
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wow. that was different. but sure as hell a good different. the last line(just like umlot said) left me COMPLETELY speechless..! <3
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hmmm...
Well...I don't know what to say...I guess that in a haiku/senryu, you should focus more on simplicity of the language as these types of peoms require to paint an image just as the reader reads the lines...though the last stanza was much better than I expected it to be...so maybe a bit of revision will help
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little confused at first and I dont understand the third one. I like the last one best. What type of poetry is this? Sorry I couldnt be more helpful
lindadoster -
this is pretty good
are you implying your womb needs to be filled?
they have a cure for that now a days so ive heard
not sure what though
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interesting
i liked this its very good you can see how u r noticing more the more u look around i really like it
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Interesting
I have a black kitty myself. His name is Casey. He is gonna be 16 years old next year. LOL You notice a lot of things I notice around my house. Especially about the chiming clock. I got one clock that chimes and one clock that meows. LOL I really thought this poem interesting. Keep up the awesome poetry!!! -
Hmmm... the first two stanzas have one thought each, the next two have a thought per line. I can feel myself looking around an imaginary room, casually at first, then taking it all in.
I really like this, and the last line "my womb is empty" is not a visual observation, yet the most powerful. It's random and it's last and it's powerful, leaving the reader speechless.
Also, it feels as though you magically captured your feelings and it happened to fall into Haiku. It doesn't sound or feel forced, except maybe the line about quick paws. I had to think about it, but then I caught the vision of the cat excitedly pawing at some feathery lures and lines.
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