I feel the need to conceal
My thoughts and everything I feel
The exposure of such things
Oh just think of the pain it brings
To those all around
I feel the need to retreat
And declare to the world my defeat
I believe it is best for all
That I take my fall
And live in the underground
Do not try to wake me
Your attempts will fail
Because all you will see
Is my face so pale
I feel the need to hide
My face from the outside
The world won't stand still anymore
Just let me close the door
And I will succumb
I feel the need to remember
The reasons for this surrender
I have no use
For this abuse
Of the person I've become
Author notes
Written on 6th May 2003 at 13:49 GMT
I have a thing about symmetry and numbers. Patterns. All of the verses bar the middle one have 5 lines; 24 lines = 24 hours, symbolising an ongoing confusion. The reason for the four lined verse in the middle is to portray a sense of enclosure, actually hiding whereas the other verses on the outside are talking about feeling the need to hide. As a person, I feel things differently to what I show on the outside. I hoped this poem shows just that. 
In a list
A contest entry
- The Reason Why... (Contest) by windhover3.
350 points, ended July 12, 2004, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Ah yes I see! Thanx for clearing that up for me. Ye learn something new every day....
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anaPEST, two unstressed syllables, followed by a stressed syllable.
to conceal
to retreat
my defeat
etc.
versus iambic unstressed stressed, unstressed stressed
I feel the need
I have no use
For this abuse
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Yer last point.... I don't really understand it. I don't know what anapets are... Maybe you could help me out? Tell me what they are.
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Faint
This is an interesting poem in that it does one of the things I generally hate in poetry, but does it appropriately: there are no concrete references in this poem. The only objects we encounter are world, face, person, and door and even these are used figuratively. This gives the reader virtually nothing to grasp. In a poem titled "Faint" about hiding, this is appropriate. The poem itself is Faint and hard to grab.
Choice of 24 lines to symbolize an ongoing cycle is interesting. I'm not sure it comes across in the poem (I didn't notice the line count until I read your explanation), but as a private code, it's an interesting choice, and who knows, it may be hitting me at some sub-conscious level.
The symmetrical use of stanzas to embed the direct address within the middle of the poem has a more immediate effect on the reader, and dropping the line count to four does help to emphasize the transition (and making it shorter, pulling it in tighter to the chest). Honestly, I would have liked a little more of a revelation, even if just a hint, there in the middle. The implication in some respects is that the thing you're hiding is that you are so afraid. To me the best poetry is a revelation between poet and reader.
Rhyme scheme is effective. I felt the final unrhymed line in each stanza added to the mood. After the rhyming couplets, the ear listens for the next line. It implies there is something missing- something unsaid.
Last point, you seem to have an affinity for anapests, which show up everywhere. I'm curious if that was a conscious choice for the poem, or a feature of how you speak. Pavese found his rhythm in anapests.
your Minuteman lyric: "what's the verb behind it all?" -
wow, thank you so much for entering..this is what I was lookin for. great job! good luck in my contest!!
-Kyndale -
Sad but great
Oh wow, this would be an amazing song! I really felt the pain in this one. You did an awesome job. Great write!
twizted
bizkit
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