Who Am I?

I often ponder on a matter
That’s deeper than ocean
Has no easy answer
No one liner to suffice for a response
I’m sure you’ve struggled with it
Just like I often wrestle with it
Who am I?
It is a million dollar question
Now only if I could get my hands on the money
I wouldn’t have time to wonder
For I’d be out shopping until night had fallen!

On a serious note
I’m the devil in flesh
Submerged deep into my eruptive desires
Wrapped in silks of fantasies
Waiting to be unraveled
By me, every bit by bit
Until next time
When I’ll be geared up yet again
For the next set

I cry, I moan with burning sensation
To be discovered and be famous
For the demon in me
Is fighting to break free
I bicker, I complain
About inflicted pain
But never stop once
To stop and sense
All the joys and happiness
I’ve gathered along

I’m fragile, I’m weak
Not from my self-esteem
But what at times, life throws at me
I catch some and drop some
While playing hide and seek
With the good and the bad
I win some and lose some
The battles I face cruising through the journey

I’ve my pitfalls
A range of success stories
I triumphed and have collapsed
Walked straight, took some turns
Back and forth, jumped
Between the meanings of rights and wrongs

I excelled at times
Walked the thin line of being righteous
Fell off the wagon, but picked the pieces
And off I treaded all over again
For I need to keep moving head on

I have love, but hidden
Ruled by some undesirable intentions
I sure not act upon
Yet they lurk around just for a chance
To pounce and catch the train of satisfaction
Dare I indulge into dreams forbidden?
The erotic love dwelling within
As I’m Eve waiting for Adam
To shape into unforeseen outline
That defines my existence
In the world of fantasized love indulgence

Until then, love is a pretend dream
Thrown in the back seat
While I drive to my unknown destination
Where heart coincides with mind
To be able to make right decisions
But little I know, harder I try for their amalgamation
Further they slip apart, far away from me
Brain cells go left, opposite to emotions
Pumping in the arteries of heart
Flowing through entire skeleton

I then laugh, frown with smiles
Take life as it comes
For I don’t have a choice over living
But make choices that are sometimes
Hard to live with
And others make it little easier for me
To abide with
Used others and often being used
The choices I made
Education is pathway to success
I believed in
Along I worked for a living
Paid my dues against plastic monies
Credit built, credit ruined
Married, divorced, single again
Had my oops and fell to accidents
Crippled with my share of injuries
At the end, still standing straight, ready to fall again

I’ve seen it, felt it and lived it
The cruelties, the vindictiveness
In return, spiteful, unkind I was too sometimes
Convinced myself it to be the necessity
But never condoned if others inflicted the same
I fought with family and friends
Then patched up keeping some grudges
Mostly forgiving and forgetting at my convenience
Slipping bag of lies in pile of truthfulness
Experienced the warfronts, battered religions
Beaten population, poverty at its peak
While riches zoom through in their expensive wheels

This is what I’m talking about
I also have needs, have wants, I want it all
The cash to cover me with luxurious stones
The perfect relations
And, one ideal love to spend life with
No worries, no pains
But sure aspire for gains
Living life cycle, spinning wheel of fortune
Some luck, stumbles on my lap
Opportunities show up unexpected
Grabbed them made the best of them
Got going to the next turn
With new hopes and desires
Trying hard to maintain my decorum while going through lifespan

I’m all this and more
Never seize to yearn for yet some more
Work harder to get them
End up just getting by instead
From the break of dawn
Until sun settles down
And the next day begins
Where I start all over again
Trying to keep up with slipping time
For I’ve lot to achieve
In such little time
It’s a constant battle I’m combating
The race against conscientious time
To fulfill all unattended cravings
I guess, I’m no different than you
You are me, I’m you
With humanity being my religion
That leads to God, the Ultimate Sovereign
Upon reaching the judgment day, that will happen
All these characterize me as just human
So, what do you think about this conclusion?
Think before you respond to this million dollar question
Who am I
Not to me or anyone
But to yourself to your own satisfaction