Back in the day when the world
Could be seen through your child eyes
In stark, fascinating monochrome tones
When you would hold your mothers hand
And watch; as ducks squabbled and flustered
In the eternal sunshine of your childhood
When goodies always beat the baddies
And everything seemed right
In a time when you would play Pirates,
Or Cops and Robbers, when you were always quite
Happy to run around with no clothes on
Your Ignorance was bliss
Back in the day when the world
Could be seen through your adolescent eyes
In complex, foreboding greyscale shades
When you would fight your mother for more
Independence; the world had changed
but you knew everything, you were never wrong
The world was holding you back
And nothing seemed right
In a time when an invisible ‘thing’
Forced you into the latest fashion, the tonest body
And looking good seemed more important than the future
You were trapped in-between
Back in the day when the world
Could be seen through your adult eyes
In immaculate, technicolour palettes
When you never stopped worrying and stressing
About kids; and called the boss ‘sir’
You held onto youth, hoping against hope
You wouldn’t become grey, wrinkly, and forgetful
Always knowing you would
In a time when fishing was a paradise
To be away from society, when you didn’t have to
Pretend to care, and drinking beer gave you gout
The end of your era
Back in the day when the world
Could be seen with a slight red tinge
Impeccably, the world finally looked beautiful
When you would hold your soul-mates hand
And walk; you saw the world in it’s
simplest beauty; when you cradled your grandchildren
And they la-la’ed and goo-goo’ed contently
You spoke their language
In a time when time was running out
But you didn’t care; the smallest things made you smile
You had reached the pot of gold at the end of your rainbow
And your ignorance, was bliss.
Author notes
past, present, and future.
Written November 15th, 2006
A contest entry
- Tons of Options! Lots of Fun! by Cursed4Eternity.
375 points, ended December 19, 2006, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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you have used two solid cliche's repetetively, in different tenses. In reading the first stanzas I felt it was bad, then as I went on, I saw they were a tool,(speaking of view through child's, adult's, teenagers...eyes.) and (colored views). But after the seventh or eighth stanza they became a hinderance in your desire to keep some symmetry.
The poems message is clear, and your language is well used.
If I were to make a recommendation, find a better way to use the analogy of looking through eyes, second, trim this up, it rambles terribly and says nothing specifically worth going 59 lines for. Lastly, I hope this doesn't sound strange, but overall this poem tries to hard to be poetic, if you know what I mean.
Thanks for sharing.
Jim -
Blessed
are the little children for theirs is The Kingdom of Heaven. Wonder why someone once said, ''You must become as a child to enter into The Kingdom of Heaven?
Great poem to ponder.
-
Thorough
You covered a lot of ground with this piece. I found myself mentally acting out the scenerios. Fishing, I think, was my favorite since it's my heart-of-hearts pastime.
I liked the way the poem took the reader through different time eras in life -- especially the grandmother and grandchildren. I hope you fair well in the contest. Peace. -
Beautiful.. every line perfectly written..a standing ovation. This is a beautiful work of poetry. The rythm and scheme is very inviting and lovely.
Flows so well, and sends a distinct message.Most creative and thought provoking.... another beautiful piece my friend! Be blessed and thanks for sharing your incredible talent! -
Great poem
I think you said what I think but I could not find the words and that's something I like in a poem, When people can read a poem and think, yea thats how I feel or thats what I mean or thats what I think. Then you have hit the mark ,thanks Chris -
This is a very sweet and thought-provoking poem. I love how you went through the stages of life here, describing the world from each point of view. The wording really helped this poem along. Great work!
- Reiyn -
fantastic
I loved this poem because it takes you on a journey through time. the good and the bad. well done. -
Amazing
this is an amazing piece and should be promoted, it works on so many levels, firstly, as a reader you can relate to it, it is so true, also, the narrative within the poem, the way you start off with childhood and then move through adulthood.
You have captured so many things here, working, family, life and love all wrapped up, i can honestly say this is one the best pieces I have read on here and reaffirms any belief I might have lost regarding poetry, why it should be written and why it should shared. This is a wonderful piece, thank you for posting it.
James
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Wow, this is great,
this is a very great poem, it was a great idea to describe the world through the eyes of many, great poem, please keep writing
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Awesome words, you use in your poem. I have to say it WOW!!!!!!!!!!
Fabulous, I applaud you. Keep it up…
White Diamond
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a perfect analysis of psychology at various stages of life... well after all old age is nothing but adult childhood. well written. a hearty congratulations!!!
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Wow...
very nice!!!
this was written so well!!!
"In a time when time was running out
But you didn’t care; the smallest things made you smile
You had reached the pot of gold at the end of your rainbow
And your ignorance, was bliss."
that was the perfect way to wrap it up! awesome stuff!
NSH
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You definitely seem to have put in a lot of effort and this is a very good start. Well done. I applaud your muse for this fabulous presentation and I really likedt his. Welcome to Allpoetry
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