“Thou shalt not wait long, my love,
I will be back soon.
Before the sun sets in tomorrow’s sky,
I’ll be in thine arms, and thou in mine.”
He kisses her hand
with chivalrous grace,
galloping away on his valiant steed,
leaving her with a smile on face.
“Oh, my love,
how I love thee so.
I know thou will return soon,
but I loathe to see you go.
Protector of my heart,
prince of my dreams,
thou art my shining white knight,
you’ve captured my heart once again tonight.
Our love will protect you
as the wings of a hen.
Let it strengthen your soul
until I see you again.”
She shouts to her knight,
“Take care my love!
Return with haste!
Let not one second go to waste!”
He does not hear her words,
but still he smiles,
for they’ll be together forever
in just a little while.
“Oh, sweet love,
Please do not fret.
One last journey, and I will be free,
then across the stars we will flee.
My love for thee
shall always burn,
it will keep me strong
until I return.”
He speeds away faster
to return all the more soon,
traveling on his last quest
by the light of the moon.
She thinks she hears his voice
whispering in the wind…
“One last time we part, my love,
then we’ll be together till the end.”
She lights a candle on her windowsill,
as she does each time he leaves.
“May this love light guide you, wherever thou roam.
Let it lead you back to the safety of home.”
They both gaze up at the stars they named,
and recite the vows they took…
“Two stars for us, thine and mine,
their fates forever intertwined.
If one begins to fade,
the other shall grow bright,
it joins hands with the other
to share its light.
If one should fall,
the other will follow,
for one star without the other
spells out sorrow.
If one should die,
the other will too,
for there’s no life at all
if it’s without you.
My life is thine,
and thou's art mine.
Working together,
like stars, our love will shine.
I will be forever faithful,
forever true,
because my sky would be dark
if it were not for you.”
One last time before bed,
she looks at the sky,
and whispers these words
into the night,
“Good night my love,
make haste, take care,
and when thou returneth,
eternity we will share…”
(c) Ashlee Nix
Author notes
this may not be my best but it's certainly my favourite!
A contest entry
- Romantic Poetry, Help me find my missing inspiration by Arrianna MacEwan.
450 points, ended August 20, 2007, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love Poetry Please by FallingTwilight.
390 points, ended April 16, 2008, 40 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 51 of 51
-
I really liked this one..just beautiful
-
Amazing work,
I loved the eighteenth line especially. Just to let you know which line it was it was this line:
will be forever faithful,
forever true,
because my sky would be dark
if it were not for you.”
Thanks so much for entering. This poem is definetly a poem to be proud of. It's brilliant and very nice to think about. Many people have their own beautiful way of writing about the stars, and about love.
---FavoriteSeason
-
congrats on the trophies and thank you for entering
-
very nicely written. Thanks for sharing this wonderfully written poem. And thanks for entering this into my contest.
-
i thought that your poem was very creative and original! great job! thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! ~CarnalNineTailedFox
-
This is a beautiful, truly lovely read. I enjoyed every bit of it. It is very intimate and emotive, and it made my heart leap out at it. Your use of old language is excellent, it really adds to the whole feel of the poem. I especially loved the lines:
"My love for thee
shall always burn,
it will keep me strong
until I return.”
Overall, a fantastic read. Thank you so much for entering, and well done!
Katie
-
This is really nice, like an old-fashioned ballad. Definitely heartfelt and in the tradition of fine love poetry. I would have liked to learn a little more, maybe more of where he is going, if, in fact, he will return, etc. As it is its a bit too much repetition. I still liked it though, well written. Congratulations on the trophies, and thanks for entering. Nice reference to the stars.
-
I loved the second stanza. It made me think of a white night wooing a princessYou might want to put "leaving her with a smile on "her" face", it would sound better. I also really like the vows and the star story, the vows were really sweet and the story was rather creative. Where did you get the idea of it all? I kept thinking he would die in the end and they would meet in eternity then, but I liked your ending. I just kind would have liked him to return. This poem was such a fairy tale with like a Shakespear touch. Amazing work.
-
-
i'm not sure exactly where i got all this from! i was in a very creative mood this day. LOL! thanks for your comments and the add. XD
-
-
um, i've already read this but thanks for entering
-
pure romance, nice work
-
This tells an amaziing story and I can see quite clearly why this has earned the awards it has. Very nice.
-
Thank you so much for sharing your favorite poem with me, best of luck in the contest.
♥
whisper
-
Thank you for entering
What a wonderful story. I love the form of the poem. It is complete and solid. You did a amazing job with this!
-
I loved reading this poem and usually I don't prticularly like long poems but I liked the feelings in this piece. My favorite stanza is...
If one should die,
the other will too,
for there’s no life at all
if it’s without you.
I feel that way about my husband a lot, we were just talking about our feelings last night and this poem gott me thinking again, I love when poems do that to me. Thank you and good luck with this entry.
~Maria -
Truly beautiful!!! Wonderful and amazing imagery and emotion. Such a heartfelt love story. I so enjoyed reading. Good luck in the contest
-
Amazing
I loved the unique structure with this. It truly was amazing and beautiful. Thank you very much for this entry. -
breathtaking, sensational... and just wow! this poem takes me there, i can actually here them talking.
thank you so much for entering this poem and the best of luck in my contest -
Guilty ( Everybody"s Guilty)
Thanks for entering my contest< I will be commenting when it is over. Good Luck! -
"to share it’s light." -- its.
I remember this one (which is quite an achievement on your part, since I've read so many poems in the past few months)! From my last prewrites contest, right? I'm sure I commented, so what I said then applies here.
Peace,
Cristina -
"If one begins to fade,
the other shall grow bright,
it joins hands with the other
to share it’s light.
If one should fall,
the other will follow,
for one star without the other
spells out sorrow."
*gasps*
You really took me away to a medival starry place with this one... thou did bringeth a tear to mine eye :')
-
Very creative.
I feel the love that this poem tells of. The imagery is fantastic. The waiting for the return of the lover is well told. The loss of him while waiting is felt in so much of this. Thier vows to one another of everlasting love couldn't be said in a more positive way. This is enchanting and beautifully done. Another good poem you have written. I really love it.
-
I would suggest making this poem left-align. From the first line I read, I felt that way.
"leaving her with a smile on face." - I feel this line would read better as: "leaving a smile on her face."
The 16th verse is just a repetition of the 15th verse (except the last line). It's not needed.
"into the night," - the comma should be a colon.
I felt there was more modern english in this than there was middle-english. I've never felt that has worked too well 'less written in a very specific way. I don't think you work it too well.
-
This is a very nice fantasy, fairy tale poem. I love the parts where the sky connects them together and I love how you express the love they share for each other. Even though they are apart and could be for awhile, you express a love that will withstand that.
Keep up the great writes! -
breathtaking with beautiful lines......
wonderfully penned piece you have written here.....
i loved it
thank you o much for entering into my contest!!!! -
Thank you very much for entering this poem in my contest! It's absolutely lovely. I really liked the use of describing their love with the stars. It's a beautiful write. Thank you very much and good luck!
-
This is an extraordinary piece you have written here, I love the mix of Shakespearean and the here and now also.... well done
Thank you for taking the time to enter your favourite prewrite in this contest, I wish you the very best of luck
Karen -
This a truly a beautiful love poem. I really liked how you used modern day English, and mixed in Shakespearean language as well. It was done perfectly. This was a pleasure to read! Best of luck in my contest.
-
Thou Art Brilliant!!!!!!!! This is exactly the kind of poem I was searching for!!!I have been sitting here for a few moments dreading this contest, but then I found this. I love it. My husband is leaving for Iraq, he is my knight, my warrior, my Marine. Each night whilst we are seperated he says goodnight to the big dipper, and I do the same. In the morning I watch the sun rise knowing that he is watchin it set half way across the world. How did thou knowest the perfect wrods to use ?
-
beauty and the Beast
were nary so sweet -
Good luck in the contest
B D
-
It's a beautiful poem, and that last stanza was a perfect summarisation of the poem. However, when you work with archaic speech, you have to be careful. There were a lot of mistakes with usage, as such:
"“Thou shall not wait long, my love" -- should be "shalt." I work at a Renaissance faire, and I've not once heard anything other than "thou shalt/thou shalt not" from my experienced co-workers.
"I’ll be in thou arms, and thou in mine.” -- in the first half of the phrase, it should be "thy arms." "Thy" is a possessive of the subject "thou." Also, if you use "thee," it's a direct object (or indirect, I forget which) and is used in the sense of something like, "Josh does love you." Josh doth love thee, thou dost love Josh.
“My love for thou” – thee.
“May this love light guide you, wherever you roam./Let it lead you back to the safety of home.” – not a critique, but these lines are absolutely beautiful.
In the reciting vows section, you slip into modern speech, and since the two courtly lovers are addressing each other in a way, it makes no sense to have “you/yours/etc,” especially when they spoke formally to each other before. In classic literature, characters often use archaic, formal language out of love or respect (example: Éowyn to Aragorn in The Lord of the Rings).
I adore this. I'm probably going to add it as a finalist; great work!
-
Thank you for your contest submission as well as for following the rules. I do like this piece, although I will say that, if you choose to use archaic language, I would suggest using it throughout the entire piece, not in some places and terms. I also found that if you were trying for a particular rhyme scheme, it is off quite a bit, or so it seems to me. Just a thought though. Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e *
-
this poem made me remember the song from 'Sleeping Beauty'. Now it;'s going round in my head :-) I liekd this, it had a very nice story behind it
-
A very beautiful write!
Thank you for entring my contest!--Sahlili20 -
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
im in love wit yout poem it was an amazing write i totally love it as of right now you are first place thank you so much for entering i really really really really like this poem thanks again -
i like this but i'm not a big fan of the whole past tense speak like "thou" and whatnot. but it was very cute and touching. two people being so in love, hopefully all will feel it sometime!
-
This was very enchanting and I enjoyed reading it alot you have a beautiful play with words.
-
Amazing
Niely done, good story! Intersting and touching, some aliteration in there..something I always like! I enjoyed reading this poem! Well done! Thanks for entering and Good luck! -
Lovely
Aw, very nice, very fairytale, very good.
I liked the language used, some people who try and use old english can go a bit cuckoo and just start going art thou blah blah and it make no sense, but you used it very well. Also, there was a very good flow to it, and you used some brillaint imagery.
There were verses such as..
'My love for thou
shall always burn,
it will keep me strong
until I return."'
This was a great verse, i loved it because it was short and strong, great impact.
However, on a constructive note, one or two verse were a bit strange, like they seemed unreleated or repeated, but on the whole this was a fantastic poem, and you described there love brillaintly, how she aches for her lover, yet to return.
Very well done, brillaint
-
Dreamy
A fairytale is definately Imagination! Creative and One of the best entries I have thusfar! I will wish you good luck in my contest and a good night
~AWESOMEJOSHSOME~ -
Very Nice
I like this write. It is sweet. Well writen. Captivates the mind. Good Luck in my contest..
~Blessed Be~
Green Mother Rose -
I got about 75% through it when it tended towards the direction of edging on and on. As so the flow was awsome for the first 75% of the poem and then the last paragraph was also good. It bit me in the ass when it ended it seemed shorter than it really was. It was pretty creative and the Lasting Impact wasn't half bad. Message me if you want your score. Take care, Vasi. You did not recieve bonus points for length however because of all the spaces.
-
I got about 75% through it when it tended towards the direction of edging on and on. As so the flow was awsome for the first 75% of the poem and then the last paragraph was also good. It bit me in the ass when it ended it seemed shorter than it really was. It was pretty creative and the Lasting Impact wasn't half bad. Message me if you want your score. Take care, Vasi.
-
one poem true and full of love. thank you so much for sharing and thanks for your entry.good luck in the end.
-
This is really sweet.
I love the old-style-ness to it- I can picture the castles and dragons!
This was really fun to read. My favorite lines were:
"“Two stars for us, yours and mine,
their fates forever intertwined."
Thank you for your entry!
Best of Luck! -
Thank you so much for entering! Best wishes to you in the contest!
Just a reminder, PLEASE do not respond to this comment! Thanks!!!
-
Over all this was a good poem, and I enjoyed reading it. I liked the flow and your diction GOOD JOB
-
Great
This is very interesting. It's a great poem, but I have yet to read a poem that uses thou in it. Great job though. -
what a great poem! and a great story! okay, i think you showed Shakespeare up! haha...lol! no, but really, you did and excellent job!
-
not guilty. JK
Until we meet again my foxy lady. JK. <3 Trina -
Wonderful piece! Truly lovely! There is such a wonderful story in this and I thank you so very much for entering it into this contest of mine! I'm sure the other poets will like it as well! Thank you again! This is very good!
You'll hear more before the contest ends! And thank you for doing as I asked and putting the option and whatnot in the comments box!!!
With Words Of Love and Hope,
Lee-Ann
Adding your comment:
1 - 51 of 51
