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Again and Again



     
   I watch them make it all.
      A flat spot created by a Daisy Cutter,
      on a hilltop only known by a number.

      This was a lush tropical forest.
      Were it not for a war,
      it would be the most beautiful place.

      The Sea-bees pushed the fauna back with dozers,
      creating a hundred yard killing zone.
      I love military terms.

      Always so clear in there meaning.

      The Marines installed tumble wire and flares,
      and more mines then I care to think of...
      saturating  the now open fields around us.


      In one a day, sand bags and plywood arrived.
      and seven big cannon,  to sweep the area...
      like huge killing wipers.

      In a week of sunburns, we fashioned a small city.
      Bunkers and bedrooms all made from sandbags,
      covered in corrugated steel and MORE bags.

      Love filling sandbags, all day long in the sun.

      We went from a lush tropicle rain forest,
      to a lush target... something of great intrest.
      We knew they were watching us. 

      Gathering in the distance, still hiding.


      The hela-pad was a busy place now.
      Bringing in nosey officers, rations and amo.
      All the tools and toys of war were here.

      Must be a party brewing on some generals map?

      At night, we would blow smoke down barrels.
      My only rule was, Our heads are crystal clear in the field.
      I was their favorite Sergent, always so lucky.

      Recon reported some massing of troops to the south.
      Regulars and NVA,  just a few hundred.
      We laughed about the enemy and took another toke.

      During the day we made our sandbag houses into
      luxury condominiums, decorating them with everything
      we received from home, in our care packages.

      At night, we looked out thru small slits in the walls.
      Looking over the wire, for this invisible enemy.
      Wondering why all was so quite, so serene?

      Soon there would be no peace.

      Three men to a bunker, watching the perimeter.
      Every night we looked out at the open field.
      Nothing could cross that area, and live.

      Two months earlier, I had saturated a water buffalo
      with a 50 caliber machinegun by accident. 
      I never seen so many holes in an animal.

      Who invented these machines?


      In my sleep,  I think hear lightning.
      I awake to the earth shaking my bed,
      rockets all around,  and men screaming.

      Must be a direct hit somewhere close.

      We ran to the perimeter.
      I kicked every troopers ass I could find
      along the way, to cover our position.

      In the distance I could see them.
      Running in across the field, most without weapons.
      Sent to sacerfice them selves, to use up the mines.

      To clear a path to us, thru the wire.

      When they got close, I could almost see their faces.
      Like little boys running, high on opiates.. with riffles firing.
      We cut them down, to keep them away.

      Sometimes too many, we all fired on full automatic.
      I worked the Fifty like a sickle cutting wheat,
      laying them down to sleep.

      I can not tell you our fear.
      I can not tell you of the confusion,
      or the rockets that never seem to end.

      The medics were busy fixing my friends.

      In an hour nothing was moving.
      Everything was restored to silence.
      We went around and assessed the dead.


      The human body can be so beautiful,

      but only if it is left untouched by metal.
      Soft flesh is a mess, when it is torn in trauma.

      My buddy Ron died, and a dozen more.
      Their moms would never view their faces.
      Some things are best not seen.

      We went out to the wire to tag and count the Cong.
      The generals would be pleased,
      several hundred at lease.

      Most looked like little boys.
      I got sick when I would find a woman.
      Some angry men, started taking souvenirs.


      I stopped them at gun point.

      I will never know who fell from my fire.
      We were all making chaos that night.
      I only know looking back, we all wanted to live.

      If they had reached us thru the wire, we would die.

      In my dreams, I see their bodies,
      covering the ground where they fell.
      Twisted in odd positions like a bizarre puzzle.

      One... I can never solve

      Never

      I can only dream... again and again




     Endeavor

Author notes

.

*WARNING*  You may want to pass on this writing from my Service.

It is as DARK as I write ever. I can not explane my guilt

Someone sugested this may help me with my dreams.. I wish

I have a box of pritty Medals as payment for my sins...

.
Written November 14th, 2006

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Comments

1 - 74 of 74

  • BeautifulFlame
    February 19, 2008

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    Dark but ..

    Now Rick you have the light, you did what you had to and even the bible says there is a time for peace and a time for war. So i think God understands.
    No more are you to feel the guilt.
    All the love you show people now makes up for anything and you were left here for a reason.

    This part pulled at my heart for you were very young and i can't even imagine or say how you feel.

    The human body can be so beautiful,

    but only if it is left untouched by metal.
    Soft flesh is a mess, when it is torn in trauma.

    My buddy Ron died, and a dozen more.
    Their moms would never view their faces.
    Some things are best not seen.


    Sad but my dearest friend someone loves you and will be there if you dream.
    Love
    Your
    ~Lisa~


    • Endeavor gold member
      February 19, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you Lisa


      I still cry when I read this
      Julie made me tell the story
      She always thought it was good for me

      I think it is
      Thank you for feeling my words

      Love, Rick


  • Jalalbad gold member
    July 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    the nightmare is over

    all is well-though I have no business saying it.
    I don't know what hell you went through.
    But You have no sins. If you did you would not be so soft and kindhearted. Dream a little dream about me.
    Smile,
    Judy


    • Endeavor gold member
      July 26, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you Judy


      You are kind to say these words

      This verse was a form of a cure for me

      I thank you my friend

      rick


  • SummerlandRayne gold member
    July 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Jesus Rick...I would love to have this for my collection of war memories. I am not going to try and act like I know what you guys went through, because in all reality, I don't have a f&*$ing clue.
    Azlyn


  • Providence
    January 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Couragious and powerful. I know many vets who still fight the inner battles of the things they saw or did.
    May I ask? Where and when did your serve?
    Marianne


  • Molassis
    December 12, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    Goodness... this was chilling and heartbreaking to read... I couldn't imagine experiencing anything like this... I don't know that I could stay sane afterwords... wow.

    ~Melissa

    • Endeavor gold member
      December 12, 2006
      Edit | Reply

      Melissa

      Sometimes we think our cross is big

      Mine is like a toothpic upon a toothpic

      Whatever it is, it is

      I look for tommrow and the day after

      Rick


  • Tabitha-Robin
    December 4, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is very deep and emotional. I see your story. It must have been hard. I think it takes a strong person to endeavor such things. I hope "God will bless you all the days of your life". You sure do desirve it. God bless you. Wonderful write with such a life to be told.

    Tabitha *rose

    • Endeavor gold member
      December 4, 2006

      Edit | Reply

      Tabitha

      It was beyound hard at the time, now it is a distant memory and a bad dream. It changed me, and only a great woman changed me back again.

      Thank you for reading, Rick


  • PerVirtuous
    November 25, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    Very revealing

    To begin, line 10 - there should be their, the posessive noun not the place.

    Later, I think hear lightning -should be maybe, I think I hear lightning?

    The generals would be proud, several hundred at lease - should be several hundred at least.

    Now to the content of the poem - I have had much experience listening to veterans tell their stories. Yours is well told and moving. As I read it, I see you as a hero, for preventing the dehumanizing of the corpses, not because the corpses need protection, but the ones dehumanizing them do.

    I wish I could speak for all poeple and give you complete forgivness for you actions on that day. Unfortunately, it is not my place to do so. I can only voice my own uninformed opinion. I can safely tell you that you are no longer the man that was there. I fully believe the man you are should be forgiven, regardless of what the man you were did.

    I sincerely hope you find peace within yourself. Thanks for sharing this with us.

  • June-bug
    November 20, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    Rick, you say that you recieved medals for your sins. I think that are more medals of survival. As a soldier the training is to serve and protect. As a human it is instinct to survive. And I believe you did what you had to do on both counts. My opinion doesn't ease the depth of you dreams but you should not punish yourself for wanting to live. I believe God forgives and if he can forgive the leaders of countries for entering into war he can forgive a human for wanting to live. I am sorry you have to live with such gresome images in your dreams. I pray that one day you will find the peace you seek and more so the ability to forgive yourself.

    • Endeavor gold member
      November 20, 2006
      Edit | Reply

      June

      I realy appreate what you said to me. I have been feeling better since I published this. I think I just needed to get this out.
      I appreate your support, Rick


  • pattyann4500
    November 18, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    Warriors are usually plagued with guile after the battle is done, my friend. It's terribly sad that these things happen. To put a young man or woman, not even legal age to drink, in a battle field is somehow just too barbaric.

    I appreciate and respect our military more than anyone could know, but having a husband who was in a rescue position, I have learned much more about that war than I care to know. However, we MUST know. It's unfair to our military men and women not to care about what they went through. When they cry, we should respond kindly and allow them to get it out. I know; I've seen it many times.

    Actually, I'd like to thank you for presenting us with this excellent piece that gives us such insight to what it was like for you and for so many others. God bless you. Patricia

    • Endeavor gold member
      November 18, 2006
      Edit | Reply

      Patty

      I read your words to me and feel your kindness

      I hope your husband always stays safe

      His work is so needed

      Bless you

      Rick

      .


  • Cynthia Gaines gold member
    November 17, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    Rated: A, for Autstanding!

    Hi Rick, This poem seemed to be never-ending; as in war, the nightmarish lines just ran on and on... although I didn't want to look, I did. I felt disconnected from reality inside this twisted scenario - I can only imagine how you must have felt being there in real life (and death). Very sad, what humans do to one another. But the sad part of it all is that I still don't know WHY we do this over and over, was after war. Write on, Poet; it is authors like you, with a gift of vision, that may make a difference (we hope).
    I hope your dreams become a thing of beauty one day! Take care Rose of Ireland

    • Endeavor gold member
      November 18, 2006
      Edit | Reply

      Rose

      .

      All your feelings are true to this work

      Panic and confusion are the hallmarks of war

      It was sugested I make it real and set the sean

      This is a reaccuring dream and I remember it all ell

      Richard Lee

      .


  • November 16, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I liked this. I say that understanding that 'like' might not be the most appropriate term. I think it's to the point and detailed enough to convey the truth of the subject. It glorifies only the humanity of the narrator and the emotional incongruence of a human with human feelings in the theater of events described. A contempory look at subject matter Wilfred Owen and Siegfried Sassoon knew from a previous age, there is a prophetic quality to it, as well as a stark reminder of events not too far from any of us at present. The message I take from it is this:
    "Some things are best not seen" Some things we wish we couldnt even dream.
    A stunning write, with relevance, humanity and depth

    • Endeavor gold member
      November 17, 2006
      Edit | Reply
      I was very impressed with the thoughtfullness of your comment. I believe you realy got the essance of my memories of my experance. There is much I could not say, znd the horrer of the moment cann not be passed on to another. This is my futel attempt to place the reader there, Rick


  • katina
    November 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Incredible Write and A brave man

    As you told me one time about your dreams, I could tell that this has troubled you for quite some time. You are so brave, to confront this pain of war. This writing will help heal some of the hurt, but you will have to forgive yourself in time. This is the first step, tomorrow you will have the chance to take yet another. Self-talk is powerful, please tell yourself out loud one day when you are alone that "It was not my fault"

    It was not your fault; you were there in such a bad place with so many others who were also doing as they were trained to do. Our country makes fancy promises to young boys about granting them so many things for "fighting for their country."

    Anyone who has fought in battle on either side is true heroes. Not because of what they did in battle, and not for what did not do, but for making a decision to risk their own life to protect a nation of millions of lives. That is what you were doing; you are a hero for standing up for freedom. Even though lives were lost, you did not go out in some kind of vengeances or some unlawful killing spree, you were protecting yourself, and this is what happens in war.

    It is not your fault.
    You are a great man.
    You have a loving heart.
    You are an incredible writer.
    And
    You need for forgive yourself, because
    I know even with my weak faith that God
    Has forgiven you, and now it is your turn
    To grant yourself that freedom you have so
    Courageously provider for all of us.

    I want to thank you for that,
    I'm honored to have known such a brave man
    Who has so many values that is a gift


    My love for you is through friendship, and
    It is friendship I treasure. May you
    Keep your great heart and I pray that
    These nightmares will leave you with the
    Peace you deserve.

    It is not your fault.

    --Katinahugs
    Thank you for sending me this remarkable written epic of bravery and a quest for inner-peace.
    Let your pain be the burden of God,
    Let him take it all away.

    I have not spoken about God in so long it feels odd to me, but maybe that is what I must do.

    • Endeavor gold member
      November 18, 2006
      Edit | Reply

      Katina

      .

      I read your comment several times

      Your words helped my heart

      This is what I want to remember most

      It is not your fault.
      You are a great man.
      You have a loving heart.

      I hope it will be judged in fairness by my God

      I thank you so much for your love and care, Rick


    • Endeavor gold member
      November 17, 2006
      Edit | Reply

      My computer at work is acting up

      I

  • Endeavor gold member
    November 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Molli,

    I read your words and felt your sincere feelings for me.

    I am very OK. in fact I think this realy helped me feel more forgiven for what we did that day. It was just tooo much the next morning when we went out to count. I was much harder inside at that time then I am now. I have sofened over the years like so many of us do. I hate to have any regrets in my life. This has been one for me I want to give away.

    Thank You, Rick

  • Endeavor gold member
    November 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Lonely,

    My dad was very strict and would wip us for dishonesty and lies.
    I am sometimes brualty honest, espacally with my self. He told me the worst lie we can make is to our selves. Then change is hopeless and impossable. This is just how it went down and I have been ashamed and guilt ridden for this day for a long time. I wanted to see if I told the truth, could my acts be justified or at lease accepted by others. Thank you for reading this

    Rick

    .

  • Endeavor gold member
    November 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Blondone,

    I am always honered when people Give some thanks to me. It is nice to hear. There was never a paraide for the vetrans of our war. We were met by protesters as we got off our plane returning from Viet Nam. We could here them in the distance screaming the most ungodly thinks to us. I don`t say this for my self, but more for the families of the men that never returned, and were accorded so little glory for giving up their lives in that war. My ant Pat is still bitter for her son Mike.

    I thank you for reading this and accepting, or not saying, my sins.

    Rick


  • lonely and free
    November 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Such a brave act of love for humanity, Rick. I admire you and the paim and honesty of your vivid words. To be this aware must be agony K x


  • blondone
    November 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Oh my this heart tearing I don't know much about the armed forces as I have never known anyone that servied or if they did I sure have never heard any war stories, I feel for your sorrow you carry so sad wow I would have never known you write so much about Love, This write is pure emotions raw and uncut it has great imagery even though the visions were not pleasent...I so glad that you have let this for us to see another side of you...God bless you and I want to thank you for serving our country and our freedom to live in it.

  • Endeavor gold member
    November 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Ed,

    Thank you for reading this write. I will always have a soldier`s mind, the training never leaves. My heart is
    pure civilian..lol I appreate your loyality. i am very
    glad I finally did this story.

    Your Friend, Rick

  • Endeavor gold member
    November 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Shirley,

    Thank you for reading. Trista encourage me to do this a while ago so I wrote "Sunday" and later "I lied to You" This is another dream I needed to speak of and see if I can vent it out.

    In every other way in my life I am happy. This is my tiney cross for my sins.

    Thank you for your care, Rick


  • Shirley Shaw
    November 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent-Write'

    A Magnificent write, and certainly 'very descriptive, of WAR! I can only Imagine, what you went through, so sad. MY Dad ws a coreman in 'The Navy', though,and I heard many a story, that he told, about how he sewed up peoples bodies, etc.Writing things is 'good for the soul'. It helps us not only express ourselves, but also to get things out, where we can go on,'with our lives'. I applaud you.....'God Bless You'.Love, shirley ann shaw..raytown,mo...


  • Endeavor gold member
    November 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Dawn,

    I thank you for reading. Is War not pathetic. Nice to be done with it.

    Rick


  • Summer Dawn
    November 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    very good job of taking the reader into the war and assessing your emotions with it. thanks for sharing.


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    November 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    A truly heartwrenching piece. im speechless, will come back ...emotions..
    vicky


    • Endeavor gold member
      November 18, 2006
      Edit | Reply

      Vic

      Thank you for reading, I am better now

      I wanted this out

      Now


  • poet2angels gold member
    November 14, 2006
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    Rick...
    It took much courage to write this. Many of us do not know of the true horror of war.
    I am sorry that you had to endure what you did as you served your country...
    SUch expression of emmotion you have shared!
    Excellent write!
    Lynda


  • Airborne Ed silver member
    November 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I can relate to this all too well.

    Even in the most b eautiful places man has ever seen, we always find ways is screwing it all up with weapons of war. Land mines, opeing the forest to create large killing zones and points of interest. We scare the earth with mortar and artillary fire on the hill sides hoping to kill whom ever watches us, and if that is not enough we even call in fast air. Our brothers die every day, sometimes right beside us. Why them and not me, I know I asked that a few times.

    Rick, you are a brother, and I am always here for you. Your poetry is always filled with the true emotions found within your heart. I for one count myself lucky to have met you here in AP. You are a great poet and more than this, even a better friend, but more than all this, you're a Soldier like me and always will be.


  • WishMeAway--x
    November 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I see war as a place where boys are sent to die!
    To witness this is horrible and I can see why you dream of this or as I would put it and many others- Nightmares-
    We watched a movie about WWI in my social studies class...it was soo...detailed and realistic. Us girls must have cried about 100 times.
    I'm sorry for everything you had to see! I hope in time the horrible memories will fade
    With love,
    Molli
    (I have another love poem up if you care to check it out please do! )


  • Heavenly Angel silver member
    November 14, 2006
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    Awesome!!!


  • rlmcmd
    November 14, 2006
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    Excellent

    Rick,
    A truly stunning write that rivets the reader to the page... one can neither look away, nor look too closely at the horror. It is foreign to us that have never touched the dream, real but yet surreal to the dreamer.
    I can’t help wondering why some survive while others do not; Is it only chance, the “roll of the dice,” or is the life force stronger in some than in others… more anticipatory and thus, more insightful to be able to avoid/re-write the outcome? I have seen that “life force,” the one that survives, in your eyes. Your courage is amazing. Bob


  • LadyUnique silver member
    November 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    i've had friends who lived through this, the same as you. they never wanted to speak about it and i respected that. i could see the nightmare in their eyes...
    i truly hope writing about this helps you. i feel very weak in saying the killing was not your fault... i wish i had something better to say...
    God Bless you and thank you for sharing... this touched me very much...

  • Endeavor gold member
    November 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Janet, Love the verse you left me. I wish you would read somthing elce from me, so you don`t think I am a Vet still roming around in my combat fatiques.

    Again, thank you for your kind words, Rick


  • Endeavor gold member
    November 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you Shade, somthing I had to get off my soul, Rick


  • Endeavor gold member
    November 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for reading, Rick


  • Iohagh
    November 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Darling

    Many brave men left
    yet now long after
    doing your earnest best
    your nightmares see disasters.

    For homeland, you fight
    while dying for ideas
    just doesn't feel right
    abstracted save for fears.

    I love our boys
    who suffer the silence
    for braving war's noise
    in a life sentence.

    Smoosh

    Janet


  • Shade Aurelia
    November 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I thank you for promoting this wonderful piece of writing. It may be dark, but now there is a clearer understanding.


    Shade


  • martinezjjoe
    November 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    a very descriptive write an excellent use of imigary


  • Endeavor gold member
    November 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you darling,

    I`ll take that complement from you, Rick

    PS: Miss You

    .

  • Endeavor gold member
    November 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Mal,

    I thank you for your comments. Most vets will tell you, they are not any other better word than, a Serviver. I liked what you said about a "Burden shared" Thank you for wishing me well, Rick


  • Sunshine Always
    November 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Firstly I salute you and all of the unsung hero's that so selflessly pay the ultimate price of war. How this atrosity affects you all I shall never know or understand.Maybe this heartwrenching piece is the beginning of release for you Rick. A burden shared is a burden halved and the first step on the road to softer nights. God bless you my friend for in your heart a generouse and thoughtful soul abides....Hugs...mal

  • Endeavor gold member
    November 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Trista

    There is a lot in your comment I could thank you for. Mostly I appreate you understanding the WHY of what I did when I was there. Adrenlin makes heros of us all and fear changes us.
    I have told you my promis to God. Thoes words have taken me to today.

    I thank you for encouraging me to write of this. I can now make it thru this reading, with being a baby. That is an improvement.
    I kind of felt the emotion running out as I first typed this.

    I am almost glad I had this dream again, I needed a push to go.

    Thank you for being my close friend, Rick

    .

  • Endeavor gold member
    November 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you Tia, I have wanted to write this for a while. This came back to me again last week. I started a writing that morning but stoped. Today I got it out. I am almost always happy, I just have a few blips I fiddle with. I will take your prayer thank you, Rick


  • trista gold member
    November 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Amazing!

    Ahhh, Rick...
    Even movies I've seen did not bring me into the true picture of war the way this write of yours did. As I said before, I am more impressed with this write than any other you have done, ever. I think you did a fantastic job of showing your reader exactly what you witnessed and were a part of.

    I know from talking to you that guilt is a huge part of this. I know of other veterans who will not speak a single word about the Vietnam war, and I think I now have a better understanding of why that is. I truly hope the writing of this will be the release you need to help with the nightmares and perhaps work out the barrage of feelings you have of the events that unfolded. I will not tell you you shouldn't feel guilty, or that it's all behind you and just to move on, all the things people usually say. This is such a huge part of who you have become. I will say that I have a tremendous amount of respect and empathy for you, not because of what you did, but because you have lived a long and productive life despite everything that happened. Many did not, the war crippling their minds completely. I will also say I think no less of you for doing what you were trained to do. The sad fact is, had you not killed them, they would have killed you. The human will to survive is incredible, and while I don't believe I could ever function in a war as you did, who of us really know what we are capable of until presented with the situation?

    I found it interesting that you changed from present tense to past tense in a few places. Almost as if some parts were so painful that you could only write as if you were in that moment again.

    We have talked many times about your experiences, and I have always tried to encourage you to write about them. While I want the benefit to be to you, I believe this is something all people need to read and learn from. A war may physically end after a year, or five, or however many, but it lives indefinitely in the people who fought it.

    Bravo, my friend, for confronting your nightmares. This is an amazing piece, and I'm very proud of you for writing it.


    Much love,
    ~J.

  • Endeavor gold member
    November 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Autumn,

    I love your thoughtfull comment to me. I make my lofty stylized words to express the highest form of humanity we all dream of.
    I also live in a world of reality and history and daily bullshit...lol I thank you for not seeing me in condemnation. Most will never kill ONCE. I don`t know how many, it is too much to say, and that is the true reality of this writing.

    I do this to disperse my guilt. Again I thank you, Rick


  • soulfultia gold member
    November 14, 2006
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    expressive

    I think that this was a write of courage. I know many that have been to war, some that have passed from war and many that are still at war, some in their minds. I doubt the visions will ever diminish, but sharing the burden of your dreams will open the door for those that have shared a similar experience to reach out and possibly guide you to a healing place. I believe that we all carry darkness from our lives and those reach different levels, I think yours is a pretty horrific situation of shoulder, but as I have never been in your specific situation, I can only say I will pray you find peace. You won't forget, but maybe sharing will let you move forward with your life in peace. This is a sad dark write, but you poured your emotions out and shared just a bit more of you with all of us, letting us understand you as a person and a poet. Thanks for sharing with us and again, I wish you peace from your nightmares. ~Tia


  • autumns tears
    November 14, 2006
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    true not your ususal lovely words but words that are very real and true inperspective! These kinds of poems bring you to life.
    I can feel you in this, this darkness, suffering from despair and I know now that your not some puffy clouded image inside this screen, you are real, your are human, and you are man!
    Love and beauty is easy! There are five million ways to say it, but these down in theses kinds of trenches are the moral believers of tommmorrow and though you may regret past actions they affect they caused shines brightly through today!Pain , suffering, darkness, angst, remorse- this is where the true artists passions lie. they are the uniqueness of your soul...
    Autumn


  • Loveandblessings2u gold member
    November 14, 2006
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    just reading again,
    and thinking how proud i am of the man i love.

    joyce

  • Endeavor gold member
    November 14, 2006
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    Terry, to tell this, and set the sean, took longer then I wanted

    There is more I can not say, this is enough. Thank you for reading

    Rick


  • JoyfulWriter
    November 14, 2006
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    Very power and emotional piece here, Rick....so well done....long or not...it conveyed your message well...smiles, Terry


  • Endeavor gold member
    November 14, 2006
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    Lane

    I should not have to do this again for a long while, Thank you for your thoughts, Rick


  • Endeavor gold member
    November 14, 2006
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    Mel, thank you for your thoughts, Rick


  • Dalaney gold member
    November 14, 2006
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    Writing is a catharsis...it heals, it allows us to let it out, it opens windows, brings in the clean air, lets out the demons, and whether the words are beautiful or painful, joyous or sad, they belong to us, they are a part of who we are and who we have been, and who we have become in the passage of time. Let the dreams spill, my friend...let them spill.
    Love,
    Lane


  • Melodies
    November 14, 2006
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    Powerful poetry that seeps into the mind like a cold river filled with death and yet it is so beautifully written, it has a golden glow that pulls the reader along tenderly. I like this very much and give you my admiration.

  • Endeavor gold member
    November 14, 2006
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    Joyce

    Thank you for your care. You have already helped me.
    If I were to speak of this beyound what I have written
    I could only say more face to face, I hope you understand
    Sorry I made you cry, I thought you mite like to join me...lol

    Love you Girl

    Rick

    .

  • Loveandblessings2u gold member
    November 14, 2006
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    AMAZING !!!!!!!!!!!

    omg......... i heard you speak of this dream many times. but you never told me the story.
    now as i read this i understand why.
    just knowing that you once lived these days of war, full of hurt, pain, being scared is beyond anything i ever knew.
    babe we all heard war stories in our life but yours made it all feel so real. i had a hard time reading it because of the tears in my eyes.
    just knowing that someone i love so much was there.
    i can now only hope that the dream goes away. and maybe now that you have wrote this, for all to see and understand you'll feel somewhat better.
    i am really hoping that if you should ever need to talk about this, you will open up to me.
    we have talked about everything under the sun, please know that we can always talk about this too.
    this is about the saddest write i have ever read.
    i told myself i was not going to cry today, well i lied.
    excellent write mr.
    you amaze me, and i am very proud of you for writing this.

    you know who loves you


  • Endeavor gold member
    November 14, 2006
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    I have cried all morning about this.. I am almost done.. Rick

  • Endeavor gold member
    November 14, 2006
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    Tattooed, This has been half finished for a week, I never do that. I was not sure and still don`t know how people will think of this truth. For that, I thank you for saying bravo. Rick

    .

  • Endeavor gold member
    November 14, 2006
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    Mwestcar, I wish you would say your name again, I have a bad memory. I thank you for your kind words. I feel bad when this dream happens, but just to let you know, I am mostly happy in my life. This is my small cross to carry for my sins, Rick


  • tattooedxfairy
    November 14, 2006
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    Very real and raw. I enjoyed reading of the reality of war, and I'm sorry for your pain. Thanks for sharing. Bravo for your courage in sharing this.


  • michellemybelle gold member
    November 14, 2006
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    I hope writing this does help you put the torment to bed, as it were. Although, I realize it isn't as simple as that. It is tragic that a man, any man, but especially one, who loves like you do, has been forced to carry this horrific memory.
    Thank you for sharing it, it is important for us to know what it is like for our military.

  • Endeavor gold member
    November 14, 2006
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    Sunshine

    It is almost a shame for a girl names Sunshine to read this.
    It is a shame we have found no other way to maintaine the lines on a map. I thank you for reading, Rick


  • Poetic Sunshine gold member
    November 14, 2006
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    Rick, Wow I cannot even begin to fathum what you must have been feeling through all of this. amazingly vivid and yes, so very dark and sad. I appreciate this write. War is a very difficult topic to most and a write like this helps us to try and understand the fear and torment that soldiers face. Thanks for sharing and I am grateful to have read this....

    Sunshine

  • Endeavor gold member
    November 14, 2006
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    I had this dream again a week ago. it has been a while now. I said next time it happened I would write of it and see if the words would help me clear this up in my mind. Shortly after this I was injured and medavact out of country to Japan. It probally would not bother me so much if I had not found women mixed in the mess of things. It is diametericaly opposed to my thinking of women and almost unforgiving.

    Rick

  • michellemybelle gold member
    November 14, 2006
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    Rick,
    I do not believe I have ever read anything so vivid, you took me there. With all I have read or watched this is the closest I have ever been (or want to be) to understanding and feeling war. This is the first dark piece of yours I have read and to no surprise, I am amazed!

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