I love the depth of your eyes
Having no voice to speak the lies
Hypnotizing with that sexy stare
Obeying commands – totally unaware
Believing everything and waiting for more
Longing to be what they’re searching for
Consuming passion -- hidden until now
Looking at me - teaching me how
Accompanying touch of fingertips
Opening wide and kissing full lips
Seductively whispering words of affection
Selfishly replacing innocence with erection
I love the depth of your eyes
Having no voice to speak the lies
Hypnotized with that sexy stare
Obeyed commands - totally unaware
Believed everything and waited for more
Longed to be what they searched for
Consumed by passion – hidden no more
Looked at me – differently than before
Author notes
Just something I wrote....could be about teaching anything corruptive really...
Written November 13th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Am i ready? by Icry4YOU2mrow.
750 points, ended January 18, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre Write Contest by SensualWhispers.
615 points, ended March 15, 2007, 100 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tribute to Innocence by Myjoy.
500 points, ended March 16, 2007, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sexual Experience by cali951.
300 points, ended May 18, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Battle of the Bronze by th3sl4y3r.
580 points, ended June 14, 2007, 107 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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Hey, thank you for entering, however I don’t think this poem will win in my contest, therefore I am going to remove it. This is nothing personal at all, by doing this, I can also stay organized with judging.
Again, thank you for entering.
Also, I usually would give constructive criticism, but there are lots of entries, and I just don’t have the time. In my other contests though, if you do know me, you know I always give constructive comments when necessary. Just this time, it’s too time consuming. lol -
Co-judge Commentary
Although this speaks of sensuality and love, it's has a few high points of cliche-ness and the throughout capitalization really detaches itself for me -
I liked this write, but I'm sorry to say that it has been eliminated from the contest.
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this is a very well written poem, so full of passion and love.. I love the repeated lines, makes it very effective and gives it a tune... the flow, rhythm and rhymes are perfect... I love these lines...
"Consuming passion -- hidden until now
Looking at me - teaching me how
Accompanying touch of fingertips
Opening wide and kissing full lips"
wonderfully written, well done!!
thank you for entering my contest and good luck..
peace and light always.. -
I want to say thanks for everyone that entered my contest it was very hard to judge this contest because the poems were all good and i loved reading them.I had a blast reading them good job and to the people who didnt win you all did a great job.
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Overall this was a good poem and i like it my favorite line in this poem is "Opening wide and kissing full lips" well only because i have big lips good luck in my contest
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This is wonderful. Right on and well said. Good luck.
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I loved the way this started and ended using present and past tense conveyed wanting then a sense of regret after the moment had passed and they'd gotten what they wanted. The rose tinted glasses came off
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Wow
Believing everything and waiting for more
Longing to be what they’re searching for
Consuming passion -- hidden until now
Looking at me - teaching me how
Accompanying touch of fingertips
Opening wide and kissing full lips
Seductively whispering words of affection
Selfishly replacing innocence with erection
I really liked this. You've done a great job. Thanks for entering the contest and the best of luck to you. Kassie -
I really like this, it's a pretty good show of how things change when you have a new perspective on things, especially the corruptive ones. The title line is awesome by the way.
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Okay the title reeled me in but I fail to see what the poem has to do with the title. Keep up the great writing.
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I dont know. it makes me more scared? but maybe im reading it wrong. i do tend to do that time to time. but yes other than that its a good piece. But really sex isnt always sex. If its with the one you love its called "making love" wich is what ive done 4 my 1st time. & it wasnt just 4 him he wanted it all 4 me too...
xox
ceci
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Brilliantly Seductive
Very beautifully written sensual piece that shows the hyponotic love that takes the innocense and changes into erection...I love it! It's very well crafted masterpiece..Thanks for the honor for letting us read by sharing your thoughts...Take Care & Enjoy your wonderful holiday season with your loved ones
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Well Written!
I love the format and the hidden undertones. I love the message and the healing aspect of a sad conflict. I really love the way you have written this one! Nice job and keep up the great poems!
castaway
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Very Good
i think this is really good, perhaps you have to read it a few times, perhaps I am looking too deep into the title, which, incidently I thought was brilliant, but I really like this idea, it works really well. I also think this is a really well written piece.
James -
OOOOOooo...very smexi!
oh la la! Very smexi!!!
but i can feel the emotion in this poem. I can tell that this special someone is very near and dear to you. Bravo...Brava!
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Wow. That's some piece you have going on in here!
I wasn't sure what to think by the title but I decided to come and check it out and see first hand what you meant by that. I was kind of worried that it was going to be hard core erotica or something, but it's really kind of about growing up and becoming an adult. Well, kind of! lol I thought it was pretty good and that you did a good job of expressing yourself. So thanks for featuring this so that we all had a chance to share your words and feelings with you!
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For some reason I can relate to this. Not so much the corruption part, but with the attraction I suppose. Either way, it was a great write.
Blessings,
Aven
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Wow, i love the line "selfishly repacing innocence with erection" flippin amazing write!
~Jazz
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Well, this was a good piece. I found it interesting and the title was great.the imagery was nice too, flow was awkward though.
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from the title i expecected something different...it was ok...not great
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Enjoyed this one!
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The sultry air of this one is amazing! It's so dark and warm and physical! J'il aime!!
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TIGHT!
AWESOME WRITE! I REALLY ENJOYED THE FINAL FOUR LINES. THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS B-)
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Tastefully done
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love the subject
and i love erections, hence checking out the poem. i do like good ryhming poetry, i'm not that great at it myself. i've only just joined this whole thing and i'm still learning my way around and reading random bits.
i did like the way this went together and it did bring a great picture to mind. keep it up. **
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Whoa! Such honesty! I think, and regrettably so, this is a position everyone - especially women (sorry, guys) has found they are in. I'm pleased there is someone out there who has the confidence to write about it as if they too had been there.
Great, touching, nostalgic read! -
Well done
I also think it's about how a man can so easily deceive a woman..or his partner, for that matter
Very well done! You seem to have put a lot of thought into this whether it was intentional or not
Thank you for sharing! You did very well -
dont see how you could say it could be about anything, i see a great connection to the deception of a man's lies, forgotten in the midst of seduction. really enjoy the way you wrote this.
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Very deep. I see much in this.
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