i want just one little moment of honesty please
that's the least you could give me
i am taking off this little mask i wear
it's hurting my face
i am sick of playing the friend
tired of pretending the past never happened
and trembling
because that's just what you do to me
when you are here its like
a billion little bruises
all around my mind
but my heart, it thrills
whenever i walk past you
*why? that treacherous heart of mine.*
and when you leave
its pain and relief and sorrow
all tangled together in a snarl
like my hair
*the hair i used to hide behind before you kissed me*
and when you are gone
i miss you and wait for you to come back
and pray that maybe this time
this time you'll love me again
*please? tell me what it would take...*
Author notes
this piece is not perfect, nor polished in any way. i just needed to write. you know how it is.
Written November 12th, 2006
A contest entry
- "Felt" poetry. ONLY by shirk.
1500 points, ended October 8, 2007, 110 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Honestly, this untitled poem is so like I don’t want to be your friend no more. As perfectly said:
“i am sick of playing the friend
tired of pretending the past never happened”
Kind of know that feeling.
I liked the first stanza wherein you were talking about removing the mask because it was hurting your face. Those were really good thoughts.
Liked the poem and the feelings expressed.
Even if this wasn’t perfect as you said it was. I don’t believe you. Sorry for contradicting you.
-Blanche
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Excellent
This is a poem I really like. Its not being "perfect" is part of its untitled honesty. I realy like the opening stanza with the phrase, "I am taking off this little mask I wear. Its hurting my face." The confusion evident in the verses again speaks to the honesty. Often our honest feelings are contradictory. I also like "the hair your used to hide before you kissed" getting snarled. Very good imagery here. The only change I might suggest is incorporating your "auhtor's comments" into the poem itself -
oh yeah, i forgot to mention...I LOVE THE TITLE!!!!
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very creative
I liked this. It's so true for a lot of people...your imagery is well done and the illusions you plants of thoughts drilling your mind are made very nicely. Great work! Hope to see some more from you soon. -
Good
quirkykitty~
Hey! I thought that this was a really good write...I know what its like to have a million thoughts running through your mind yet no single word to describe it so it comes out the best way you know how. I liked this a lot though. Keep on writing, and I hope to stumble across some more of your work again sometime soon.
~!~Manda~!~
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