Dear god,
please please explain to me what the hell is wrong with me. im never good enough for anyone, why? what have i done so horribly wrong to make EVERYONE feel this way about me? what the FUCK is wrong with me..anyone, anyone in the whole universe, if you could just explain to me whats wrong with me, i promise to change. ill make it my top priority , i swear. ill do whatever it is you ask of me. why cant i be fucking normal. why cant i be fucking loved? what the HELL is wrong with me? please, im begging you, just tell me. even if its a "id tell ya but id have to kill ya" kinda deals. thats okay, ill take. as long as i get to know then its worth it all. please, i wont ask for anything else ever again. just give me a list of things i need to change, and ill do it with no complaints. NONE. no comments, no complaints, no questions ask, just the work. ill work my whole life on fixing those things, and think of nothing else i PROMISE. what can i do to convince you that i want and need this more than anything else in the world? ill give up all my money, quit smoking, do good in school again, be kind and generoud to everyone i meet, if you just do me this one huge favor. thats all i ever will ask of you. ill worship you with every beat of my heart, and worship the earth that you have created if you just do me this favor! i promise ill never judge anyone, never give attitudes, never show people that im having an off day. i will be greatful for everything that i do and dont have. i will learn the history of this world, my family, you and myself!
please god, please just let me in on this i deperately need to know. i dont know if i can go on much longer if i dont. i dont know if i ca go on much longer knowing that no one including myself will ever love me. i dont know if i can go on in life feeling completely alone with just me, my shadows, and my tears. i promise i wont feel joy in others pain, i wont laugh at others misery, and i wont feel comfort in others failure. please. i beg of you. on my knees, with my hands together, i pray to you, to tell me, show me, guide me the way into sanity. i dont want to live this life im living and im afraid someday ill give up and decide my own fate on death. im afraid that one day ill see my insanity for how crazy it really is and want to kill it. the only way to kill it though, is through me. im afraid ill never have anything to live for, to hope for, to dream for, and most importantyl to love. god, im afraid. i dont like admitting that to too many people. i walk around like i can handle any bullshit that is thrown my way, but i cant. the load has gotten to heavy and im ready to drop it all. i dont have anything to live for. noy education, i fucked that up. not entertainment, being as i rarely take joy in anything i do now. not friends and family, since the trust i did hold has been demolished ever since i was a little girl. i have nothing. i will always have NOTHING, hold NOTHING,, and BE NOTHING. i hate this life. i look at every single person walking on this earth and i envy them. for being so strong, and loving life to the fullest. something must be horribly wrong with me if i cant deal with my life the way it is, but peoples lives who are far worst than mine, still love waking up, love feeling the fresh air, getting out preparing for a new day. i want to be like that. my heroes....the people of the earth.
Author notes
sorry this isnt a poem guys, i guess i shouldve put it under something else, im not in my right mind right now.
Written November 11th, 2006
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I wish...I could have known you then...
...just to try to make you smile,once in a while, and rhyme, with time, and a lime and coconut and Rum, just to ease the pain.
This outpouring is not a bad thing, not at all, save it, look at it again and again and remember where you were at the time and be happy for where you are. So many things can be relative, but deep down, you know, there is a golden center of hope and that will renew itself, time and time again, regardless.
Amicus...
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okay, I noticed that you had added me as a favourite and I decided to come and check out your writing ... this is the first thing I clicked on - why, I don't know, but it was ~shrug~
I see this is a rather old piece so I am assuming that you have broken down that self doubt a little considering as you walk with the heroes
Am I correct in assuming you are a teenager? If so, then firstly, don't EVER denounce yourself like that - don't ever believe that there is nobody out there who will 'complete you' - YOU need to complete yourself before anybody will notice you
I walked around for 36 years wondering if there would ever be any happiness for me - wading through the doldrum of lives turmoils and crap that was thrown my way and now, a year later I have realized that there is a plan for me ...
It is NOT for me to decide when I need happiness, my fate is planned and just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore, i met my Master ~shrug~
Karma has a way of paying off
Live your life good and to the best of your ability and all good things will come your way
Be unique, be yourself and be proud
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Ohhhhh Sweetie!!!! Girl I believe that the heros of the world are those that go through the toughest moments in life and make it!!!! Don't let anyone convince you that you are not worthy of love because you are! (Probably more so than a few!) And don't ever feel alone! I can relate to so much of what you are going through and I'm still here! With 2 beautiful baby girls to love!!!! If you ever need to talk, I'm here to help or just to listen! Feel free to even e-mail me at ldwnjy1@aol.com Stay tough and don't give anyone the satisfaction of bringing you down!!!!
~DAWN~
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thankyou very much for the comment, and your right, i should just tell them then dont read it...i let my emotions out and thats what matters...thanks for the uplifting! i needed it!
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wow i loved it. keep it up. and your right its not in poetry form. but poetry to me is just getting things out. and thats what you did. i loved it. keep it all up. and if someone tells you its not a poem tell them then dont read it. cuz i think it is filled of great emotion and i love to see that. well hopefully you will check mine out sometime. love keisha
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wow, so much emotion in this.
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