If you passed by the lady
wearing Prada shoes and Gucci bag,
would you question her integrity?
Would you assume she’s had every advantage?
Not that she’s gambling her fortune away.
Not that her business is a facade of deception.
Would you base your initial opinion
solely on her appearance?
Would you revere her?
Would you admire her wealth?
If you passed by the lady
wearing plastic bags as shoes, no coat,
would you question her integrity?
Would you mock her indigence?
She, who lives in the unsheltered solitude of poverty,
the result of forces out of her control.
Filth covered cheeks, charred,
singed,
from lava-streamed tears.
She, who asks nothing of you.
Would you be the passer-by,
glancing backwards
with angelic face,
morose mouth, spewing
your self-righteous indignation?
Would you deem her unworthy
of your gracious smile,
of your false concern?
Do you feel her poverty is her ignorance,
her justice?
Do you care of her plight?
Answer yourself honestly.
Author notes
Written about the serious plight of the homeless in this society. Consider that, in some of these situations, these faces you see ended up living in poverty due to circumstances out of there control. Ask the homeless women who survived Hurricane Katrina, with no where to go and no money in their pockets, what it feels like to be shunned by society based solely on their outward appearance of 'poor.'
a poem, or a story that has a theme based on some aspect of society
Word bank used:
-forces -deem
-justice -deception
-integrity -lava
-gamble -angelic
-gracious -false
-solitude -backwards
-advantage -ignorance
-morose
(I wasn't able to use the word 'alliteration' from this word bank in this piece.)
Option 2. A poem conveying a moral
Judge not, lest you be judged.
1. Society- Problems with society, living in society, enjoying society, anything that comes to mind dealing with society.
Written November 9th, 2006
In a list
- ~Honorable Mentions • next in list
- ~Society • next in list
- ~Silver • next in list
- ~Gold • next in list
- ~Bronze • next in list
A contest entry
- Multi-Round Challenge (First Round-Audition) by SurelyWritten.
470 points, ended November 26, 2006, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Let the best poet win! by Norman Crabtree.
675 points, ended January 23, 2007, 107 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Contest For Deep Thoughts by bookworm987.
300 points, ended February 10, 2007, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Structural Defect by Exodus.
500 points, ended February 18, 2007, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show me something of substance! by Lugh.
450 points, ended February 27, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Speaking of Society by Cupcrazy.
450 points, ended March 23, 2007, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PROVE YOU'RE WORTHY OF MY POINTS by EmeraldDaze.
480 points, ended June 5, 2007, 60 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Society, love, philosophy, music, emotion, etc... by CrazyRebel.
456 points, ended July 1, 2007, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 72 of 72
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Hood-Winked!
Lori, this poem is amazing!! It makes me so angry when people judge others who are living on the streets. Do they know what happened in their lives, I don't think so. People never take the time to ask they just judge. Thanks for speaking up for the homeless. They need our help to get back on their feet....
You have just been Hood-Winked
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I thoroughly enjoyed reading your poem~ Keep up the good work~ Good luck to you in the contest!
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WOW
This really made me think how much people judge others based solely on their circumstances. I loved the message, though the background is kinda cheery for this poem. Thanks for entering my contest. -
I love this, I like any poem that takes a controversial subject such as this and makes it their own. Beautiful. Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest
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Wonderful piece filled with truth. I loved the form and flow and the imagry is outstanding. Great work
Bunny
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Thanks for the wonderful comment, Bunny! Much appreciated!
~Lori
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wow this poem has soo much imagery in it, thats the last time i look at a person begging in the manor that they dont deserve my help. this poem has soo much emotion in it, its amazing. the fact that you used a word bank too its brilliant well done with this write such a well thought of poem
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Thanks for the great comment, jezzer! It is most appreciated. I'm pleased that you enjoyed the read.
~Lori
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Wow, this poem is beautiful and amazing. I absolutely am in love with it, and congrats on winning 3 trophies! That takes serious skill! Everything about this poem is perfect, I didn't even suspect that you had used a wordbank which means you worked those words in there super well. Awesome poem!
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Thanks misscassidy for your wonderful comment on this piece! It is very much appreciated. Glad that you enjoyed the read.
~Lori
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Outstanding write on society. I help with the homeless and I understand this all to well. It can happen to anyone in a blink of an eye. If everyone would think like this, the difference it would make would be unreal. Do not condemn or look down on what you do not understand. It could happen to you. What changes a life forever can be something so small.
Lovely write of awarness. Thanks for sharing!
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Thank you so much for the wonderful comment on this piece, my friend! It is greatly appreciated! It's great to know that you feel the same as I do!
~Lori
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Oh my goodness! This is a brilliant piece that fits perfectly into the contest. I am incredibly impressed by your use of language as well as the unique layout.
I don't think I have anything critical to say about this. Thankyou for really taking the time to work on this piece and make it as goos as it is.
Much luck. -
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Thanks so much for the wonderful comment on this piece, my friend! I really appreciated it! I'm pleased you enjoyed the read. Thanks for awarding it Silver in your contest!
~Lori
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wow...i really liked this..you touched a good point and wrote it in a beautiful way....best of luck in the contest =]
[Elizabeth♥] -
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Thanks so much Elizabeth for the lovely comment on this piece! It's greatly appreciated! Thank you for the bronze!
~Lori
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Compelling read
Yeah you've touched me to the marrow!
Georgia -
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Thanks so much, Georgia! I'm happy you enjoyed the read!
~Lori
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Such a perceptive write on society, we are far too quick to condemn those who are less fortunate than ourselves.
A very poignant write. Good luck in the contest.
Ann
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Thanks so much for your lovely comment, Ann. It is greatly appreciated. I'm pleased that you enjoyed this thought provoking piece.
~Lori
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I can see why this is a winner! It is true that many of the homeless are their due to circumstances beyond their control, yet there are many that are there by their own choosing... I have seen both sides and either way it is not pretty! This is a great read! I hope many will visit and read it! Thanks for sharing your talent! blessings and best wishes,
frogz~
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Thanks for the wonderful comment on this sad piece, Frogz! It's most appreciated. I've seen both sides, too, and I don't know which is worse, those thrust into this situation by events out of their control or those who choose it. Either way you look at it, it's awful that in this day and age, there are millions of homeless people on this planet. Thanks again for reading, my friend!
~Lori
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this really hit me. a wonderfully crafted poem that was well balanced and a SERIOUS message behind it. i totally agree with the sentiments here and it really came at it from a refreshing angle.
it certainly got me thinking about where i stand. -
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Thanks Norman Crabtree for your wonderful comment on this piece! I really appreciate it. I'm pleased that you found the message in this piece easy to relate and that it made you think. Thanks so much for the HM.
~Lori
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I really like this, it's well written and the subject is very deep and means a lot. I could tell though you were working from a word-bank from about 2 stranzas in though, which won't work in your favour.
Non-the-less, this is a very nice poem. Thank you for entering the contest. -
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Thanks for the wonderful comment on this piece blacksummer! It's greatly appreciated! It is pretty obvious that this write used a word bank but it was a difficult one, in my opinion. I liked the challenge to produce a piece on society from that word bank. It was interesting.
~Lori
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Thanks Ian
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a good piece, it is a sad world, many men and women find themselves homeless. we ooh and we ahh about it but most people rush past those who live on the street, in fear they will speak to them or look at them and ask for money! a friend of mine, she was moved on from place to place for ages she said and was just trying to get shelter from the rain, there was one woman though, who owned a baker's shop, who eventually helped her, brought her in and fed her. my friend said she would never forget her for that and has even written a poem about her. anyway, i am going back to watching the snooker just noseying in here and there. i wish that you have good luck in this contest you have entered. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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This is a great write. I will see about the length, I still have a few to review. This is a really great write though.
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Inspiring!
A wonderful write indeed Ink-Artist! The questions you raise are deeply thought-provoking. I work in the city and see many homeless people in my trekking. I've almost been there (through substance abuse), but escaped only through the love of others. There but for the grace of 'god', go I.
Very vivid in its imagery. Just a powerful, powerful piece!
Congratulations on the gold and best of luck in round two.
Best Wishe -Emmjay
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Thanks so much Emmjay, for the wonderful comment on this piece! I really appreciate your kind remarks! I'm sorry to hear that you were almost in this position. Truthfully, it could happen to any one of us at any time. I'm happy to know that you're in a better place in life now. Best of luck to you in the next round. I look forward to reading your entry! Take care
~Lori -
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Congrats
Congratulations on winning Gold here, very well deserved my friend
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Lori,
This poem is amazing, and I admire you greatly for writing this! I recently wrote a poem from the lips of a homeless woman, and I immediately thought of it, after reading this. You did a remarkable job, and loaded this with imagery that stunned me and left me speechless.
Also well done with the word bank, you executed the use of those words marevalously.
Your punctuation is correct and complete, so standing ovation there.
And an appropriate picture to make it stand out.
Well done poet,
Blessings and best of luck,
Shirley
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Thanks so very much, Shirley! I truly appreciate the outstanding comment on this piece! I'm glad that you liked it! This is a subject that means alot to me and that I can't ignore. It is so indignant to mock and ridicule those less fortunate. Their life circumstance is sometimes, indeed, out of their own control. That does not mean they don't still have value. Anyway, I thank you again for the wonderful comment on this write!
~Lori
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It is incredibly difficult to remain positive when you loose everything and are forced into poverty. Just as you mentioned those in Hurricane Katrina and all they had lost, well I am one of Katrina's victims, though I was and am one of the more lucky ones. I seen the horror first hand and my heart truly goes out to them and anyone and everyone else in the same situation. I thank my lucky stars that my parents, myself and my 2 kids survived. Yes I cried for what I lost and then I saw what so many others lost and realized it could have been much worse for us.
You surely have my applause for this piece as it speaks volumes about how society often views the homeless regardless of the cause for them being in the situation that they are.
BRAVO! -
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Thanks so much Celticmoon, for the lovely comment on this piece! I really appreciate it! I'm so happy to hear that your family survived weathering Katrina's wrath. Like you said, so many didn't fair as well. It's a horrible situation to be thrust into.
I'm pleased you enjoyed reading this piece! Take care, my dear and my best to your family
~Lori
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Thanks so much Suzi, for the wonderful comment! I really appreciate it!
It was an interesting word bank from which to write a piece of society. Homelessness and those living in poverty are a subject close to my heart.
I do hope things are getting better for you, my friend. You've been in my thoughts and prayers
~Lori -
awesome message and write
this piece reminds me of that song...what if Jesus comes back like that...by colin raye... you pose a very serious question and more importantly you ask the reader to answer it HONESTLY... poetry is suppose to bring about thought provoking moments in our lives, you my dear have written an exceptional piece of poetry. Very well done! -
You're very welcome Lori. It was a pleasure to read. Take care. Shelley
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Thanks so much Shelley, for the lovely comment on this write! It is greatly appreciated! Oddly enough, 'alliteration' was the ONE word from the word bank that I couldn't seem to use! I'm so pleased that you enjoyed reading! Take care!
~Lori -
Thanks so much Collin, for the wonderful comment on this piece! I truly appreciate you giving this a read. I'm glad you liked it! Poverty and homelessness are important subjects to me, something I've just begun to incorporate into my poetry. I hope I did the topic justice. It was challenging to write about with the word bank Shirley provided. I will be sure to check out your piece in that contest.
~Lori -
An excellent write and message. Very good flow and tone. Deep expression of emotion. Vivid descriptives. Very good word choice rich in image. Nice alliteration. Thought provoking. A well crafted piece. Shelley
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Epic
Well I thought I'd written something quite good for this contest, but this is in another league.
A truely masterfull write of epic proportions, every line hooks and reels you in. Every image clear and defined in my mind. It is almost done in a sarcastic way .. but with a very powerful message.
Loved it. -
Thanks Marie for the awesome comment on this piece! Society has many much needed changes. I hope I live to see them! Thanks for reading hun!
~Auntie Lori -
this was awesome brilliant and true I hate the way society works I know alot of crooked wealthy ppl and alot of honest poor ppl who never even stood a chance great write
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Thanks for reading this piece, Melissa! Glad you liked it!
~Lori -
Thanks so much Julie, for the wonderful comment on this piece! I'm glad you could appreciate the message I was hoping to convey in this write. Btw, my bag came off the clearance rack for $7.00!! Thanks again for reading!
~Lori -
Thanks Raven Dark, for the great comment on this piece! It is very much appreciated! It's wonderful to hear that you pose these kinds of questions to yourself. That's what keeps us thinking, and hopefully responding to, these issues! Thanks again for reading!
~Lori -
Thanks so much, Gaylene, for the wonderful comment on this piece! I truly appreciate you reading! I hope those you read this will answer the questions I posed honestly to themselves and maybe decide it's time to help cure the problem instead of mocking it. Thanks again for reading, my friend!
~Lori -
Thanks Charley! I appreciate your sweet remarks! I couldn't imagine becoming homeless and the indignity I'd be treated with. Winter out in the street would be so harsh. Thanks, as always, for reading big bro! I was in a writing mood yesterday, three posted in a few hours! lol Take care
~Lori -
AWESOME!!!
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Lori, Society today is so so cruel, People look down their noses at people who are homeless, disabled... etc, everyday and it is one of the main things that pees me off, we are all equal in this life, so what if someone has a gucci handbag, I got my handbag for about $10 ... now who's the mug?? lol
Well written and as always indeed a pleasure to read xxx -
Not a fan of free verse myself, but this is one hell of a heart felt piece..
and just so you know,
I question myself everyday...
keep on writing. -
Brilliant
A most brilliant and thought provoking write Lori. Yes a few questions we all need to ask ourselves. Your piece makes it all the more powerful I think because you aren't making statments as such but putting the questions back on us!!
Excellent writing indeed and best to you in this contest.
Gaylene
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Excellent write Lori!!! I can't even imagine what it would be like to be homeless and living on the street like this. It would be so hard to find any hope. The winters cold would be horrendous. Good use of the required words, I think you will do very well in this contest. Way to go lil sis.
Big brother,
Charley -
Thanks so much myron for the lovely comment on this piece! It is greatly appreciated!
~Lori -
i agree with the sentiments expressed in this political and humane poem. thanks for sharing it.
best wishes,
myron. -
I wasn't paying attebtion when I clicked this piece... I've already told you how I feel about it. I could tell you again, however it would still waste your points. I'm going to be sending you enough for three more clicks, to make up for the one I robbed from ya!
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Thanks for the nice comment Pretty -n- Pink! I really appreciate it!
~Lori -
Thanks for the great comment moment liver! Glad you can appreciate this write!
~Lori -
I'm so sorry to hear that you can personally relate to this piece and I can understand why you resent society as a whole. I'm glad you enjoyed the write, though and I appreciate you reading!
~Lori -
i really liked this poem and i think its soo true i think ppl do that all the time...and i agree with everyones above comment! this was a great write and i look forward reading mroe of your work
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I love this. It's true, but truth isn't always something pleasant to the eyes. You did well! Keep writing from within! Truly a sad aspect of our world.
See you around the deep end
moment liver
ADHL -
Thanks so much babe for the awesome comment!
I really do appreciate you taking time to read! I was sort of unsure of the impact this piece would have and what the reaction would be. I am truly happy that you felt the impact I was hoping for. Thanks Tommy!
~Lori -
Above and beyond!
I been homeless for three months before. I know the feeling and what people go through when they are out on the street! Very sad how people are so uncaring in this society. This poem paints of realistic picture of what it is like to have nowhere to go.
I resent society because of the uncaring.
I seen some homeless people just want beer and smokes but I also seen others who do not want anything and who are true victims of the world around them. -
Wow... this is simply amazing work. It poses a very tough question to the masses of the world. So too often are we self righteous in our assumptions of people based upon how beautiful they are or by what they wear/drive, etc. Unfortunately, it's a question most of us only "think" we know the answer to.
Speaking on form ('cause I'm trying to learn the whole "critique" thing), I love the way this was written. The broken line format does wonders to force the reader to pay attention to every word. I also Ilove the highlighting of key words in the verses.
...If you passed by the lady
wearing plastic bags as shoes and no coat,
would you question her integrity?
Would you mock her indigence?
She, who lives in unsheltered solitude,
the result of forces out of her control.
Filth covered cheeks, charred,
singed,
from lava-streamed tears....
This is absolutely astounding imagery here! LAVA STREAMED TEARS!! I love it. God Lori, You never seem to disappoint me with any of your writes, keep it up girl!!!!!
Yours In Ink~
Tommy aka SinzOnSkin -
Thanks so much Tia! You always seem to tune into the deeper message and appreciate it, and I'm so happy that you agree with the realization that this society doesn't have to be what it is. We have some much potential as a race if we could get over the hurdles of appearance and wealth and stature. Value each member for who they are not what they have. Thanks as always for reading!
~Lori -
Thanks so very much Theresa, for the marvelous comment! It is greatly appreciated, as you know you kind remarks always mean so much to me. I'm glad you could appreciate the message I'm trying to convey. Thanks again!
~Lori -
excellent
Excellent poem Missy...this is all but too true. Anyone of us could have been in those plastic bag shoes. I count my blessings daily and often more when I see it that my life is not that of a daily struggle to survive. You have an awesome message in here to spread compassion and put the judgment aside. If everyone looked at life and saw how truly blessed their lives were, imagine what a place we would be living in. You really tapped into somthing here and I hope a billion people read it. Impacting write, keep up the good work and as always thanks for sharing your talent and of course this was my pleasure to read! ~Tia
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I so agree with this poem people are to soon to judge others. It is not right. You have written an excellent poem on this very hard subject, I commend you.
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