Last night,
in fierce fire of frost,
I dreamed of you
while reality fled
to colder logic.
Visions of you with me
thawed my iced veins,
roused my frozen heart
that leaped wildly
at sudden liberation,
a desperate lunge
that clawed at brittle hope,
tore at straws that broke
at slightest touch,
but still I clung....
not in hope
but in realisation
that as the dream drained,
and hot truth stung,
my spirit would dive
to depths that were deeper
than the darkest darkness,
send me spiralling back
lost
to paralysis that protected,
numb me into acceptance.
Quell a yearning for
frost.
Author notes
This is based on the theme of love but that which is unavailable.
Written November 9th, 2006
A contest entry
- Dark Passions by DrkPoet.
450 points, ended April 8, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 35 of 35
-
Very nicely penned, I really liked the ending as it seemed to close the write well which is sometimes a hard thing to do. Thanks for entering
-
wow! this is another wonderful poem
so jealous
lol, but wonderful, this one is soo intresting, and just loved the words and all =)
stephanie
♥ ♥ ♥
xxx
-
pretty neat i was thinking of a poem similar to this last night but never found the words grew sleepy
-
-
This Poem Is Amazing. I Have Felt That Way To Many Times Before. && This Poem Has Truly Helped Me. /thanx For Sharing This.
-
This one touched me personally, because I was
that unavailable heart for someone I cared for
deeply. I know the pain I cause yet I was helpless
to change the facts. Touching write my friend.
Red -
Last night,
in fierce fire of frost,
I dreamed of you
while reality fled
to colder logic.
Visions of you with me
thawed my iced veins,
roused my frozen heart
that leaped wildly
at sudden liberation,
a desperate lunge
that clawed at brittle hope
Thank you so much for entering.i've been in the exact same position,and every time i thiunk about it it gives me a headache.you made a very strong poem,i wish you best of luck in the contest.
-Y.W. xx -
I love this!
I love how this sounds like a journey. This reminds me of my poem " Cold Heart" alot. I love the flow and the ease this poem has. Well done, Jane
My fave part:
Visions of you with me
thawed my iced veins,
roused my frozen heart
that leaped wildly
at sudden liberation,
a desperate lunge
that clawed at brittle hope,
tore at straws that broke
at slightest touch,
but still I clung....
-
wow, your words just draw me in every time, you capture the emotion of not getting the one you really desire so well, its amazing. good work!! ♥
-
i liked this piece not so sure about this:
darkest darkness, it dosent work in my humble opinion
nice job
john
-
.., and the frost bit off more than it could chew. The numb in this is awesome.
-
OH! It is so long since I last ...
read about this sting of assertiveness ... this truthful recognition ... of a need so deep, so needed, yet so agonizing NOT met, no words can capture it ...
And you did.
Brilliant work.
Love
Myra -
a very very deep one! my spirit will drive to depths that were deeper than the darkest darkness... well penned. i see that you have got real talent my freind! i absolutly loved this work
Bravo
-
wow nice one your a great writer keep it up
-
A beautiful write
This is a beautiful write...Full of emotion...Enjoyed feasting my eyes on it...Peace
-
This was wonderful. Thank you so much for entering! Really Beautiful.
-
Unrequited Love
It's the hardest thing to accept.. you expressed this well my friend. -
Excellent description of emotions
Your poem in its vertical stripped form, sends its frustration and yearning and disillusionment straight to the core of my being. How sad that love may paralyze like this. Dreams should be lovely and fulfilling, not so? Catch you a real dream, Poet!
Love
Myra
-
From cold to warm, back to cold: full cycle, still in need of some loving...wonderful to read.
-
Breathtaking and familiar. You are gaining your footing in the writing arena yet you still seem sad.
I hope to see something sunny soon.
-
Camus, it's been so long since I've seen your name or a poem of yours pop-up at AP that I thought you had disappeared. I'm glad you haven't!
I really like the feeling you have evoked by this poem...as though frozen to thaw in the thoughts of warmth and love. You didn't need at all the explanation of your Author's Comments as sparce they are...It's a feeling and emotion conveyed in your poem that a reader knows and feels for themselves.
and how'd you know that "quell" is probably my most favorite word in poetry ever--Really it is! I even wrote a poem once titled "Quell," but it's the perfect word in the line which you closed this poem.
I hope it's all been fine by you...Seems forever since I've caught up to you.
Jo -
This is interesting and beautiful at the same time. I have felt this as well, but you've shown me a new vision of it. I like it how you seem to use words and sentences that don't seem to be very poetic, and yet you turn them into real poetry. I like the multiple antitheses your poem seems to be based on (particularly the temperature one).
Also, I find this line:
"While reality fled to colder logic"
to be subtly beautiful. Not that it doesn't sound good from the first read (it does), but to me it sounds like a suggestion that reality is passion, lacking rules, chaotic, and warm. You have shown this very well in my opinion, though perhaps I'm wrong in my understanding.
"as the dream drained" is another nice image. I can almost see and feel it. It is painful, but once again you manage to capture the sensation with elegance, so that the reader needs to dig a bit deeper in order to understand.
I have also enjoyed very much the word games of depth - deeper and darkest darkness.
This is overall a powerful poem and the ending,
"The paralysis that protected,
Numb me into acceptance.
Quell a yearning for frost."
is a good emotional conclusion to what has been said.
The alliterations are also impressive.
There are only things I find less attractive, should you choose to take my opinion into account. Firstly, I think there are a bit too many adjectives, and even though they make a good point, they might turn off some readers. Another thing is, it sounds to me like some of the middle part is unnecessary, but it is of course only you who can decide that.
As it is, I enjoyed your poem. Thanks for sharing.
~Diana -
Bravo
Very well done! Bravo!
This is really an excellent write...and I'm delighted to see something new from you, my friend across the pond!
I just love: send me spiraling back to the paralysis that protected...for I know this "fear" all too well.
Tis safer to never chance it than to be hurt, yet again...better to remain alone...and safe. At least, that's how my heart sees it!!!
Great job. I'll be looking forward to your next write, indeed!
Blessings! Tammy -
frost of feelings's the worst,My spirit would dive
To depths that were deeper,yes friend let your lovely soul dive more and more,like mine tries diving in the ocean of feelings without drowning,best of luck to u,amen -
As ever you've written something that really makes a person think and take in every word. My favourite line had to be:
"While reality fled to colder logic."
I absolutely loved that line because you could apply it to so many situations in life and love almost never fits in with logic. In a way, that should almost be the definition of love...a feeling that defies logic.
Anyhoo...enough of my ramblings. A lovely poem and I always look forward to reading more
-
Serene and in love with Lamartine
I like your poem Camus but unsure of the category. It is pleasingly penned. I like the reference of anesthetized and frosted love.. It is hard to achieve love and wholeness when it is festing in despair and hope brittled by external factors. If you take care of your own needs and treat well yourself first, you lay a foundation for a successful and loving relationship. Je crois que votre poesie est tres noire and there is steady struggles. Que la paix de Dieu soit avec vous! Blessings! -
Wendy - it is reassuring to receive praise from one who writes so powerfully. camus
-
I really appreciated your constructive commentary on FROST - you are obviously an intelligent, perceptive person who has a firmer grasp of the poetic devices employed in poetry for effectiveness than I do (and I'm not being sarcastic). Strangely, in relation to one of your apt comments, I had used "grasped" not "gasped" but abandoned it, perhaps foolishly. I wrote the poem in 10 minutes on a whim. You have my utmost admiration, my friend. camus
Edited on Nov 09, 4:38 p.m. because ''. -
Tie grr, tie grr, yearning light
Suggestions&Comments:
Overall, a not unbecoming piece. Nice consistency of imagery, albeit with candyfloss available in a place where one might not expect it (unless a derelict fire pit on Coney Island is to be envisaged...(
) ). Good, but such slight anomalies aka poetic liscentious artifacts reduce the impact, at least for me in this capacity.
"In the white fire of the frost/last night I thought of you": diminishes the interlineal diffential. Also might be thought to increase the emotional resonance in the reader.
"..thought of you and/reality fled": the placement of the terminal conjunction provides a brief hiatus in which anticipation may give rise to deepened awareness and emotional prediliction on the part of the reader.
"leapt" rather than "leaped"; and how does a frozen heart leap? "leapt" would allow it be so, where "leaped" implies the heart be still frozen.
Should there be a comma after "ecstacy"?
Strictly speaking, "lunges" do not "claw", though that which lunges may.
The semi-rhyme of "hope" and "broke" is good; inpart this results from the placement of "brittle" next to "hope".
The exclusion of the definite article before "slightest" is a curiousity, perhaps even one brilliant.
Tongues do not gasp, but they do grasp; salivated, they may even drain candyfloss of its structural integrity. (
)
"depths that were deeper", even given the further alliteration of "the darkest darkness" is...well...place "My spirit would dive" after "the darkest darkness", to connect with the draining candyfloss, and it would be better. (IMnot soHO - and then one might erase the "send").
The last lines might have been anticipated in opening lines, suggestive of one circling in toward the fire. But that one leaves as a task for the student to essay.
MA. -
Ooo.. you really set the mood... sad and full of yearning and emotion. some nice imagery here.
I especially liked this part;
"A desperate lunge
That clawed at brittle hope,
Tore at straws that broke
At slightest touch,
But still I clung," great sound and flow!
very well done, i enjoyed it.
~ wendy -
How kind of you to review 2 of my poems - it is much appreciated. camus
-
Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed this!
-
wow, this was amazing! your an awesome writer! keep it up!
-
Good
Good poem, like how you put your emotions out there.
Adding your comment:
1 - 35 of 35
