Imperfect glass roses rest against a cold casket
yet warmer than her fingers that lay beside her waist
upon everything she fought for, and who she tried to be
turns out the world has a much different aspect and taste
Regret sings a slow sad song....
Whispering frozen tears
that led me here to fall again
only to remember my first demise
wallowing in your eyes
the first step to holding onto
where i can belong
not in your arms
or by your side
i cant forget my broken pride
so long as you can see me
and who you think i am
im not, and your love is thick
and i sink without great purpose
just a foot below the surface
no more breath
you left
i push because you mean something
i run because im ashamed
i dont see beauty, or a heart
but an empty shadow ready to hide away
the world isnt ready for what i feel
and you take me under with your hand
shaking my shoulders to understand
but i dont, and i wont
as long as i continue to stay
i still want to run as far as i can
i still want feel what its like to hold lifes hand
but the water stored inside is bound to break
and leave me drowning in this empty place
its not the right thing to do
and i never say it right
so hate me now, and forever more
because i dont know how to say good-bye
with out the hurt
gutless to your name and our new song
bringing me under and forgetting i feel pain
numb isnt so bad when its all you have
and your wondering about me again
do you understand
how much can you love a girl that hangs
herself every night with empty promises
no one ever planned to keep
so following the habit and hating myself as well
but i can promise you this
your better off, i can tell
sorrow soft spoken
answers well hidden inside
(will we ever be alright)
true love decays in a mess
only i can tell the damage
visible on the outside
more than i can stand it
and if were meant to be
then we will be
and if i meant to cry and
run away
ill carry memories and the
notebook of your notes
and everything youve ever wrote
with pictures on the side
hoping that youll be alright
and you will be if im not bringing you down
Author notes
way too long, but i feel a LITTLE better, [notice the emphasis] but i still think its good imagery.
option 7, heartbreak
A contest entry
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Honorable mention
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What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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45
Excellent work here. You've done well. I give you a 40 for this poem. You've made an 85 total in points. Thank you for entering the contest and best of luck to you. kahy -
Lots of good material. I enjoyed it.
I want to see it written again through you as a 17 yr old over a 15 yr old, mainly cuz your writing has matured much since then =]
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Capitalization.
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Wow...this was a total waste of time. Your piece was trite, cliched, played out, juvenile, whiny, jaded, self pitying crap. I'd expect this from a 4th grader with a vague idea that he was emo. It was an insult to the mind and definitely not worth the entry. I hope you dont think this is your best. Try actually doing something outside the whole "my life is so dark. noone has it as bad as me" bit.
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ok well.
Theres not much to say for this.
You didnt follow the rules
at all.
Which is pretty sad considering theres not that many.
and it takes like 5 seconds to read.
srsly.
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I
'd every stanza, Brilliant!
You Are Definitely a Finalist!
All my Regards and Good Luck in the Contest to you My Dear Poet!!!!!!!!!
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Great write. Thank you so much for entering my contest.
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Love it. Great imagery. Great emotion. Thanks for entering and good luck! ♥ Erin
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and i sink without great purpose
just a foot below the surface
i love that line.
allow me to overanalyse...sinking implies more weight than that of the substance around you. to be heavy enough to sink but without meaning or purpose is just a beautifil sentiment. i love this poem. it was absolutely brilliant. -
'whispering frozen tears
that led me here to fall again
only to remember my first demise
wallowing in your eyes
the first step to holding onto
where i can belong
not in your arms
or by your side
i cant forget my broken pride
so long as you can see me
and who you think i am
im not, and your love is thick
and i sink without great purpose
just a foot below the surface
no more breath
you left'
first off this iss brilliant 2ndly do you se how in your poem it looks like teh silver or gold membership piece?
this is very good i think ill add it
thanks for entering such imager -
This is such a great poem and so well written i especailly liked the part,
'i push because you mean something
i run because im ashamed
i dont see beauty, or a heart
but an empty shadow ready to hide away' It had a personally meaning to me, good luck -
Yeah. It is a little long. I think it would be a lot better if you cut it a little shorter. You have a few grammer problems and CONVENTIONS are a must, but it has a good theme. I really like the last line. Good luck.
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That's a good use of imagery. I liked it. You did a good job. Long, yes. But I liked it. Thank you for entering, and good luck in the contest!
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nice job.
i like it a lot. -
i love you too i miss you love jenn
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i hope you feel lots better hunni
i love you
i miss you
be good pebbles
bcs monkey loves you so much
o and bubba says hi,she missess you too
♥♥♥
Monkey -
oh.. it is not way too long. I thought it was good. actually i loved it! great job!
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