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Suicidal


Far too young for 'that' edition
Tales of gruesome apparitions
Unintended education ?
Soul invasion !
Soul invasion !

Soon terror filled my darkest nights
With  nauseating  fiendish sights
Did no-one ever hear my plight ?
Alone to fight
Alone to fight

My mind descended into gloom
Could not escape my darkened room
Though heinous spirits lined that tomb
The devil's womb
The devil's womb

A drunken father, unaware ?
His sober moments much too rare
An evil man with hate to spare
He did not care
He did not care

A mother petrified of him,
could only wallow in her gin
Her ignorance the greater sin
My kith and kin ?
My kith and kin ?

An empty shell of twenty five
"With luck", they say I "may" survive
If  doctors only could revive
Please do not strive
Please do not strive

 

My living hell could not oppose!
My last escape, an overdose
Defeated by  my childhood foes
Such sweet death throes
Such sweet death throes









 

Author notes

My second 'Monotetra'.

The dark theme seemed to 'lend' itself better.

N.B.The story is Pure Fiction
Written November 8th, 2006

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

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Comments

1 - 16 of 16
  • Seeking Peace silver member
    November 2, 2007

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    Having been in a thought process much similar to this, it really pulls on the heart strings with life and this story, you have captured well and you have this form swirling in my head now

    Karen


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    December 29, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    This is good. Very good.
    This stanza:

    My mind descended into gloom
    Could not escape my darkened room
    Though heinous spirits lined that tomb
    The devil's womb
    The devil's womb

    Absolutely superb! Amazing verse. ~Pam


  • Lady in Love
    December 26, 2006

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    I ahve been there myself. Even though yours is fiction mine was real. Nightmare from hell that still taunts my dreams today. Now this poem I could relate to easily. Sad that we think noone care in our lives and we take the cheezie way out. Thanks for sharing this poem. Tish


  • Sexy87
    November 24, 2006

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    I like it a lot some parts anyways but really really good as well great job. Maybe you will like some of mine if you like to come see.


  • rufina caraid gold member
    November 9, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I have to echo Barry's thoughs - this is by far one of your most serious pieces of work. It's deep, dark and emotional and this style/format suits you.
    You may have been a late developer (poetically speaking) but you're sure making up for lost time.
    Von


  • Bazza
    November 9, 2006
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    Incredible, highly emaginative and original and what a surprise from you. Great to see you expanding. Brilliant work my friend.


  • Legend silver member
    November 9, 2006
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    WD you are playing with my mind.I click looking for something amusing and you serve me up seriousness Not that you will hear a complaint when you produce work such as this An excellent piece I do so love this rhyme form It is so powerful at getting over the feelings and emotions of the written word Great Good luck in the contest


  • Nature Song silver member
    November 9, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Enter into your dark realm! Wow this is so good though, very impressed! Your poetry sure has taken you into different heights! ~Sie


  • paperparadox silver member
    November 9, 2006
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    Agreeing with potanical slightly over the dark background, I must still say that its very darkness suited the 'blue' mood of this piece.

    I had never read a monotetra before I came across your first one, and I'm really liking this format! You do it with great aplomb, WD! The repetition really reinforces the mood or theme of each stanza. Brilliant stuff.

    I'm not even going to try to pick holes in this, because I enjoyed its style so much, but I will wish you every success in the contest and send you my applause!


  • annamoy
    November 9, 2006
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    Although I 'm not that keen on depressing poetry, this is quite good, as it allows the reader to use their imagination on what has happened to this tortured soul. I did find it difficult to read some of the text on that backgroung though! I am relieved that this is not your personal experience. Good luck in the contest.


  • Blossom Fairy
    November 9, 2006
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    This poetry form is very rhythmic and appealing. I like it! Fine writing, and the story has a strong line. You have done something so worthwhile here to display your amazing talent as a writer.


  • lyna05
    November 8, 2006
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    Wonderful Work

    I love this poem it is great. You done a wonderful job on this piece of work. God gave you true talent and you are useing it very well. Your poem is well written and in wonderful form also. You have done an amazing Job on this poem and you truely do have talent at what you do. Great Job and Keep writing and I will keep enjoying Reading your work.

1 - 16 of 16