(By: Christopher M. Boutros)
(Written: 9-5-2006)
I am the cold screeching that makes you scream
I am the tearful wandering soul
I am the chilling face in the steam
I left that saying in your soup bowl
I am the constant unstoppable cry
I am the fingers grabbing your hair
I am here cause I didn't want to die
I am the creepy eyes that give you a glare
I am the cause for the bump in the night
I am the reason for the unknown squeak
I am that confused floating light
I am what makes you wake with a shriek
I am what interrupts your sleep
I creep to your bed to give you a scare
I am what causes you to weep
Just try and cross me, if you dare
Author notes
if you could please scale this from 1-10 and let me know your opinion it would be greatly appreciated
option 11
A contest entry
- Anything and Everything by Welcome-To-Hell.
700 points, ended February 16, 2007, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Scare Fest by Firequeen.
525 points, ended February 24, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter Your Best Prewrite by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended February 25, 2007, 105 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - It's up to you by Marctheman.
700 points, ended November 26, 2007, 62 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and everything! by My Selfish Romance.
300 points, ended January 26, 2008, 97 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Something Different by lesbian-in-love.
675 points, ended November 26, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
if you could please scale this from 1-10 and let me know your opinion it would be greatly appreciated
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
-
I would give it a 10. I like this one. Just they way it is worded had me captivated from the start to finish. Thanks for entering and good luck to you in the contest.
-
I like this alot(: I'd give it an 8. some of your word usage screws up the flow for example I am the constant unstoppable cry the first time I read it though I read it as crying I think it flows better but overall its a good poem.
-
creepy
i like this, has a very creepy vibe, i like how you kept repeating "I am the..." and because of this i didnt like how you started the fourth line and the second to last. the last one i like though, but it could just be me, i like when lines are the same all exept one, at the end, or the end of each stanza. but this is still good! nice job! made me feel creeped out. *shiver* thanks! ~kami
-
I love especially, the first stanza, these words, are like a work of art. A write which is imbued with the tenderness of your nature. This a very important message and you delivered it with great style and grace. With faith as small as the size of a mustard seed, one can move mountains. This is such a beautiful piece of writing.....the words and lines flow perfectly...I must say I really enjoyed this! thank you for sharing this with us and keep up the good work.
-
I think this was done very well. I loved the form and how it was worded. I would rate it about a 9. I enjoyed it. I guess because I dont really write like this but enjoy the work of others that do. Great work.
Soulful Woman -
Very descriptive and I must say that I liked the imagery that you used (gustatory, tactile, visual, auditory). Great job. The imagery contained in this really lovely style of writing was so refreshing. I like the pattern of the stanzas. I think you did an outstanding job on this poem. Another magnificent poem to your collection. thanks for sharing.
-
if i were to rate this 1-10 id reat it a 8 1/2 it is very good though. i really di like it. i mean it. my favorite part was this:
" am the cause for the bump in the night
I am the reason for the unknown squeak
I am that confused floating light
I am what makes you wake with a shriek"
i just liked it the most.
well keep up the awesome work and dont stop writing.
-
8 out of 10
pretty good, mayb a bit more depth, but overall good, i enjoyed it, but it didn't really creep me out, and i am sitting alone in a dark house, with weird noises from across the road... i don't care if that was TMI. It was a good write though.
Luv MDH xoxo
-
awesome
i'd say on a scale of one to ten, it's most definately somewhere around/above an eight.
-
The imagery is good, the flow is a little static in some places, but it gives the chilling feel and shivers as you read, I'd give it an 8.5
-
8, well you sure know who you aree
-
good :)
I like it, its got alot of good imagery and alot of stuff in that is easy to relate to.
I can't help but think its a bit cheesy in places, but it creates an atmosphere which is important.
Good
-
Good poem. Really good!
I love it!It's...creepy, yet not scaring you away, and you can practicaly picture, with the eyes of your mind, everything you said there.
Only one small sugestion: in the line
"I'm the creepy eyes giving you a glare", I'd use "I am " instead of "I'm" and "that give" instead of "giving".
On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd give it a 9(I hope you don't find that too harsh!).
Good job! -
Love it
I f'n love this, it's got great imagery!
-
good one!!!
-
it a good poem I like it. I can't tell what you are missing but it needs something more maybe to the end
-
I'd fix the creepy eyes line, but, aside from, that, very nice. I enjoyed the image here throughout.
One other aside before the breakdown... since you have such a great concept here, can you think of anything to make it MORE creepy?
Numb3rs:
Image: 9.1/10
Emotion: 7.3/10
Rhyme and flow: 8.7/10
Cohesion: 9.5/10
Message: 9/10
Teen angst coefficent: +0.4
Overall: 8.8/10
-
GREAT!
I loved it, quite creepy! I don't eat alphabet soup for this exact reason! But my cheerios always spell OOOOOOOOOOO is that you too
I'll have to see if you write another creepy one some other time
Great Write
~AwesomeJoshsome~
-
I like it but I don't like the end. The last line just does not do the rest of the poem justice. Good piece though.
-
9.5 out of 10
If you meant this as a comedy. It reminded me of "House of Wax"... When Paris Hilton's head was split like a ripe melon. Forgive me, but phrazes like "Creepy eyes giving you a glare" and "I left that saying in your soup bowl" make me giggle. So, yeah. there you go. -
10
a great poem, i love the idea, its not one ive read many poems about. i love the metaphors and imagery, and basically everything about it. it would certainly freak me out if it started happening to me! keep up the great work
-
10.even though i love rhymeing poetry i give it ten due to its metaphorical brilliance.i love the i am the confused floating light,infact i love it all.great work n nice soup.
Adding your comment:
1 - 22 of 22
