Untying the canoe,
Sliding it into the river.
Hearing the giggles,
And the splashing of the water.
Getting ready for the trip,
All the way to the beach.
One minute we were laughing,
Then next we were not talking.
But by the end,
You could tell that,
We were best of friends,
you ever saw.
Author notes
opption 8.
In a list
A contest entry
- A Group for Aussie Land Members Only!! - Creatures of Curiosity? by Emmjay.
570 points, ended November 16, 2006, 5 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
=] very cute. and i love how you used a story to relay being happy
thanks!
-
Sorry, this has already won a trophy...that means DQ
-
kinda well, simple. and am sayin it this way tryin not to be too mean. I like the idea behind it being on a canoe, but repetition is not good in this case 'water' twice with a line between, is very weak. I think you could have descibed the atmosphere amongst you all, so when you start sayin, that you were laughing, and then not talking, wont sound too chopped, or out of a horror movie scene.
Read this again, and tryin seeing it from more than one view, and you will see where am comin from, that this can mean several things in the body, if you keep ending out -
congrads
well done!!! congrads on your bronze!!!
Tracey -
Intriguing Form! Well Done!
Short and sweet and full of fun. I love this snippet. Truly just a moment. It's very interesting how you chose to start at what seems a mid poin, then make your way back to the beginning and then onward to the end of the trip. Really quite intriguing way of relating a moment.
Very well done
!
Best wishes in the contest, and always
-Emmjay -
well written.... I love this line
One minute we were laughing,
Then next we were not talking.
I can really relate with that... good luck in the contest
Tracey
Edited on Nov 09, 4:31 because 'error'. -
Well done It's amazing how when we get together as a team , we Aussies become greta mates and trust each other so much.
Best to you in this contest
gaylene
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
2 old applause
