rock
back
and
forth,
((scream)) on the floor,
t h r o w a little tantrum,
like you did before.
kindergarden art,
c-u-t up like a doll,
pasted back together,
get ready to watch her f
a
l
l.
take the razor's edge,
d.r.a.g it d
o
w
n your arm,
keep repeating in your head,
its doing no one harm.
~
'throw up in the bathroom,
ug, please not on the bed,
did you [eat] anything today?'
'Nnnoo' is what she said.
someones there,
beside of you,
but there you thought,
no one knew!?!
do you know what they're even saying,
you know whats going on?
'voices' set c.o.n.f.u.s.i.o.n,
to where you mind has gone.
~
death speaks,
like he knows,
sold your soul,
now anything goes.
((scream)) a little louder,
bleed a little more,
leave a little note,
and &lock& your bedroom door!
hiding in your closet,
noose looks so fine,
'just bloody fucking do it,
don't sit here and whine!'
~
precious p/a/p/e/r doll,
R.I.P yourself to shreds,
why is there no insight,
to truth inside your head?
RAGE kept inside,
now its time to vent,
i
colouring out of l n s,
e
it was all an 'accident.'
rock
back
and
forth,
((scream)) on the floor,
t h r o w a little tantrum,
like you did before.
~07November2006~
~7:24 A.fucking.M~
Author notes
probably change the title
probably add shit or take shit out
ummmmm bla gr.
Written November 7th, 2006
A contest entry
- |Cure My Tragedy| ♥ by Dead Star--x.
525 points, ended July 23, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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hey hun it's tasha (XRazorzxLullabyX)
this was so fucking amazing I can't even express how beautiful this poem was as you know I can relate and hope that you are getting help with these issues babe. I know it's scary to get help but I just hope you're okay this had such sadness and truth in it I loved the wording and how you put some of the words the way you did....sorry I haven't commented in a while but I haven't been on that much....
keep writting you are SO amazing.
xox
Tasha -
i like it-you could use less punctuation-it tends to take away instead of add emphasis to certain words.. i love the poem in general the words and the entire story/event it tells, mainly because ive lived these eventa many a times. ♥
-Cure My Tragedy- -
WOW! This was a wicked poem hun! Background is very bright and out there but i like the colors
..I also really like the way you formated this poem..very different from your other poems and i enjoyed reading this poem..your words were strong, powerful and emotional and flowed smoothly to..keep writting your very talented hun and i love reading all of your work!!!!!!!!!!!
~Chrissy~ -
wonderful all over!
the rhythm, words, setup, and everything was great!!
amazing job lynn! ♥
keep up the good work hun!
xox
-
OMG ii really think that is a good poem ii like the background and everything i really like that OMG it is really cute ummm...do you have a myspace if so im Nichole look on my allpoetry file and get me the infor. k ttyl ok write more more good stuff
-
The content of this poem was alright. Nothing wrong with it. However, for me, the style just made me cringe. This isn't a poem...not really anyway. It's the web-freeverse that isn't freeverse, where people try to make their poetry look better by displacing words. It's the most annoying thing to read, and it just takes away from the poem. I think it's an awful habit, and completely unnecessary. Like I said, the content was alright. You could get away with putting it up normally. You'd still get comments, and people would still like it. It looks alright normally:
Rage kept inside,
Now it's time to vent,
Colouring out the lines,
It was an 'accident'.
Rock back and forth,
Scream on the floor,
Throw a little tantrum,
Like you did before.
See? Your rhytmn is excellent, and it just comes across better when put up in a standard form. I'm sorry if I sound so harsh, but I hate seeing good talent be wasted on trying to look 'cool'.
Menecairiel -
-
ok
thanks for your imput, i get what your saying, however, although it does look "cool" i guess, it also lets me show more meaning into the piece, so the reader can get more into it.
my poem at first was "regular" but i spiffed it up a bit because i thought it need more texture to it...
im glad you like my rhyming and put your 2 sense in
i however, am not going to change it...
take careand thanks for reading my work!
♥ Lynn
-
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Wow! this was a really gooood poem : )
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hahahaha awsome shit... the end of the poem was great but the whole 7:24 A fucking M really made me shoot my milk out my nose. if i was drinking milk that is.
-
it's absolutely brilliant, such pace and power in it, and so fucking real
i relate...
ugg i hope you are ok.
x-Con-x -
This is so deep and powerful..It hits hard. I like the comparisos you use and the way the poem is written..it flows so well...though the suicide part is so sad...how do we get to the point where no life at all is better than what we have...sigh...take care of yourself. Keep up the writing!
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ha...haha, ooooooooook
thanks kid
muah! -
will have to place you in a book nest to the painted rose to keep you safe...
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haha yea another one of those...
thanks for the info...gotta check it out!
take careand thanks for the read,
♥ Lynn -
Too long to analyse now, am at work. Good, though. very E.E Cummingsey, but darker. I'm an ex-cutter. Will be back to be more in depth, not so touch and go. DIg your screen name, too.
PEACE
-
frigging amazing intensity
wow!
this is one friggin twisted mind-blowing write!
and the way you wrote the whole thing.. it made me feel every word..
amazing way to draw a whole scene in the reader's head
wonderful write!
the best i've read today!!
~rana~
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Oh, look. Another suicide poem. Kinda fun to read at least. Go check out Chuck Olson's projective verse theory (just google "Olson" and "projective verse" and you'll find goodies). You might have a lot of fun with stuff like that, which I gather by the care you've taken in the way you structure your piece visually on the "page".
Much respect,
Gren -
yikees this is great! but i think i need to have another yell at you about how people do love you and crap like that and how you shouldnt harm yourself because it hurts the people that care about you as well! so let me know when you want me to give you my lecture anyways i really missed talkin to you! much love
~Forever Silenced -
this is absolutely
am.az.ing.
i love it.
your words are gripping.
and have left me
breathless.
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