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Suicide Lane


her bloodshot eyes gaze upon the repulsive marks on her skin
loving you the way she did was her biggest sin
her crimson heart drips effortlessly on the bathroom floor
in a few hours she wont be alive anymore

you lied to her and shut her out
this upcoming suicide you know nothing about
you are the one to blame just so you know
her fake smiles and laughs were just part of the show

you were her world and you kept her alive
but that dream of hers has long since died
all her memories of you are erased from her cold heart
she's strongly hoping that her suicide will tear you apart

she takes the razor and cuts in deep
the life she had she no longer wanted to keep
your essence flows from her tangled veins
boy, her suicide will drive you insane

you are traumatized when you see her on the bathroom floor
the girl you once tormented isn't alive anymore
you see all the blood that escaped her veins
don't worry she'll write you bloodstained letters from suicide lane

Author notes

ehhh just comment please
Written November 6th, 2006

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Of the FreakVariety
    June 16, 2007
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    Oh my god how dare you! Ahahh. Of course I remember you! How ever could I forget one of the absolute greatest poets I've ever had the honor to read from?!
    And always this poem is wonderful! I just feel bad that I didn't comment on it before :/ You're mad rhyming skills still totally get me >< You're so amazing ahahh.
    But it looks like we both are having a bit of a slump as far as writing goes, eh? Ugh, so lame. :/
    But yeah I hope things are well for you :] And I'm sorry for the extra long comment that has a bunch of junk in it not related to the poem :/ but that just happens. Deal with it


  • XxStIlLhErExX
    April 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this is the best thing that i have ever written...no shit...

    she takes the razor and cuts in deep
    the life she had she no longer wanted to keep

    these lines bring the whole thing together...this is a really good write.!.
    keep up the good work..
    Caycee


  • OctoberCrush
    April 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I like it.
    It's strong...it's deep...
    it's real. I like it alot.

    Nice work.


  • XCrUeL iNtEnTiOnSX
    March 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Great Write

    Keep up the good work, i have seen anything from you in a while


  • xXbroken lullabyXx
    December 23, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    wow...all i can say is wow..this is extremelly painful and dark..
    you are traumatized when you see her on the bathroom floor
    the girl you once tormented isn't alive anymore
    you see all the blood that escaped her veins
    don't worry she'll write you bloodstained letters from suicide lane

    i think that's probably my favorite stanza even though i love the poem alltoghter...you did an amazing job on this poem..i love it
    your ap twin
    shantel

  • xShatteredWithoutUx
    December 15, 2006

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    Very Intensifying. I really enjoyed it. I like the end the most I think. "dont worry she'll write you bloodstained letters from suicide lane"..Good Write.


  • your effing-wReCk
    December 4, 2006

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    WOAH

    I agree with Jonsie, it definitely hit hard, very hard. The flow is great and your rhyming is really good. I liked this one. One suggestion, if you don't mind me being picky. One word throughs of the flow just a little bit, the word "cold" before heart in the 3rd line in the 3rd stanza. Otherwise, this was amazing and very emotional and deep. ILY <3 pceout.

  • BreakingxThexHabit
    November 6, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks much Jonsie. I'm actually happy about this poem it's one of my favorites by me =] see you tomorrow on the bus. smore you and love you! always!

    Isabel

  • FedUpWitU80
    November 6, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this poem almost scares me. I liked it a lot, but wow. That hit like a ton of bricks. Ouch, i liked the poem a lot. Personally i didn't like the beginning, but other wise all the rest was cool..{the first "paragraph"} Awesome write

1 - 9 of 9