She sits there now,
Hands fiddling,
Now at the keyboard,
A sucked in sigh,
Wine beside her,
Everything or nothing,
for someone to deny love,
They must be crude and unwilling,
Is she like the rest,
Just a drone to herself,
A selfish ball of what I might be,
The way i walk,
How i just happen to move,
Am I just like her,
The depressive substance,
The thought of that would kill me.
To be like the higher generation,
To be like my mother.
Author notes
Written November 6th, 2006
A contest entry
- The Factor Finals Round 3 by Frodofan.
300 points, ended November 9, 2006, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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im just a clone no name of my own. i am i follower to scard to be my own. beaten to scilence. and trying to be be like her. im just a wonder a clone no i dentity of my own.
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Ooo I like this a lot. So brutually honest. This is a very bittersweet write that gives a lot of insight into humanity and the progression of time. Good use of contrast. This has a nice flow to it, as well. A delight to read
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This was so amazing.
I loved when you said..
"They must be crude and unwilling, Is she like the rest, Just a drone to herself, A selfish ball of what I might be"
I loved it because a lot of times i read poetry, which is beautiful but it is nothing I can relate to. This piece was beautiful and relatible.
GREAT WRITE. -
liked it
that was good. I liked it. exastion at the computer relates to me the most. I liked it well. may your pen never dry up
your friend
joe -
Oooh Ooh. This was great. I could feel the hate and anger, shall we say "angst" in this poem. It's a lot of people fear to become just like their mother. Someone they sometimes detest. Do you know what I'm saying? Oh, but this was beautiful. Gorgeous. and It flowed oh so perfectly. You even had grammar and spelling done. Bien trabajo. Estoy muy feliz. Muchos gracias.
Te amo.
marisa
*Elimination Panel -
A lot of grammatical errors that I could see. Pretty much what frodofan said, a little awkard to read, no flow really. It was a deep meaning you chose to write, but I believe it could have been better.
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A bitter but intriguing piece. I thought your thoughts flowed out nicely, but must say I thought the punctuation was a little awkward. You have quite a lot of commas which would make quite a run on sentence there. Otherwise, nicely done.Glad you made it in.
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