Point Lobos

Author notes

Photograph:  Point Lobos State Reserve, California, October 8, 2006
Written November 6th, 2006

In a list

• Fountain of Inspiration • next in list

A contest entry

• bang by AJ Morelli. 700 points, ended November 13, 2006, 29 entries
  • next poem in this contest, remove from contest

Comments

• right now

  Adding your comment:
• 
  Sheli
  October 6
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  AMAZING!

  "Alas, I am just a man
  who with words
  already has ruined
  enough innocence
  to bleed an ocean. "
  
  everything about this piece is gorgeous, but i love the simple clarity of the last bit
  

  
• 
  aligurl
  May 5
  
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  Oh wow. a great poem dear poet. Stunning imagery(Especially the first stnza). I especially loved the last stanza... superb.
  
  
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    NoIQ
    May 6
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    Thank you so much aligurl! I really appreciate your taking the time to give the poem a view.
• 
  Mallig
  May 5
  
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  Stunning photo and imagery. "Shady contrivance" is such a great phrase. Love the ending, to me this piece has a quality of mystery that I found very appealing. Well done!

  . Rewarded 4
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    NoIQ
    May 6
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    Thank you very much Mallig! I am flattered by the praise, and quite appreciative you paid a visit to the poem.
• 
  frownsnfreckles
  May 5
  
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  I love the descriptions and imagery in that first stanza!
  
  'uneasy reflections
  
  drown with kelp.'
  
  the final stanza alters the mood and becomes very thought provoking.
  

  . Rewarded 4
• • 
    NoIQ
    May 6
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    Well thank you so much frownsnfreckles I am dutifully grateful for your taking the time to give this humble piece a read.
• 
  bluesquirrel
  May 5
  
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  I've read this through several times, and each time it's a little bit different, is the poem changing or am I? The mute siren,brilliant image- like the ugly temptress who seduces the blind.

  . Rewarded 4
• • 
    NoIQ
    May 6
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    Thank you very much bluesquirrel. You seem to be one of several people who commented on this poem yesterday. I am deeply appreciative that you took the time to read. Again, thank you very much.
• JWGoethe
  May 5
  
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  The siren's song beckons to me with sweet words and images such as you have set upon the page. Excellent!
• • 
    NoIQ
    May 6
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    Thank you very kindly, JWGoethe. I am flattered you gave this poem a read.
• 
  ThornPuppet
  May 5
  
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  wow that is very good! nice imagery.i liked the "mute siren" part in line 7. i have always loved the sirens. they were my favorite greek monster . and a mute one would be strange because they lure you by a song. very nice place very nice. the reader can feel how you think of it as "heaven in earth" and how you you cannot do it justice because you are not innocent( i love the phrase, "to bleed an ocean" maybe you could add something like how you felt when you saw it, or set foot on it, other than that i would not change a single thing. keep writing theese because we can feel the way you capture the emotion in the poem, like we have lived it and our hearts have felt the same ecstacy that you have felt when you wound up there

  . Rewarded 8
• • 
    NoIQ
    May 6
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    Well thank you kindly, ThornPuppet. I am deeply appreciative of the thoughts and praise.
• ocerus
  May 5
  
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  This is a strange one. One thing it needs is for you to remove the word "perish" and substitute something like, "murder," "kill," or - my favorite - "dispatch." - oce
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    NoIQ
    May 6
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    What makes you feel "perish" is inappropriate? I definitely prefer it to "kill", which is far to commonplace and lacks imagery. As between "murder" and "dispatch" I agree that the latter is preferable. However, I continue to prefer "perish" which was chosen in part for the alliterative use of "s" and "sh" with "siren", "sailors" and "such shady contrivance."
• 
  Wayne Leon Learmond
  April 2
  
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  That was just so great. I found this captivating. You are gifted. Well done for this great piece.
  
  All the best
  Wayne Leon
  

  
• • 
    NoIQ
    April 2
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    Well thank you so very much for that gracious comment. It is much appreciated.
• 
  KittenJubilee
  March 25
  
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  DAMN I love your poetry! You have such a way with words, and your braaaaaain ... Whoops, I'm drooling.
  
  Me extract one eye, keep it on you

  
• • 
    NoIQ
    March 26
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    Any time I can make a woman drool over anything I do, especially while focusing their eye on me, I consider that to be a great week. Seriously, thank you so very much for your kind words about my poetry both here and elsewhere. It's sincerely very much appreciated.
• 
  secberm
  January 23
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• 
  Shannon
  December 14, 2007
  
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  Wait. I have read this before. I know I have. Maybe I commented a while ago...
  This is actually kind of dark to me. I had to read it a couple of times to confirm why exactly I got a chill thr first read through.
  
  It's interesting to me because there's this overall theme of destruction and it made me think of a poem by Antony Hecht "Green: An Epistle" I quote: Cattails, marsh bracken, water-lily pads / Stirred by the lightest airs, plaint, submissive-- / Who could have called their slow creation rage?" and "Sequoia forests of vindictiveness"

   

  Well, Hecht explores the idea of nature/survival as having a base form of rage obviously, that in itself is how and why we survive...I don't know...I couldn't help but think of that peom while reading yours.

   

  It almost feels to me the first stanza represents a sort of observational guilt...it seems very femanine to me...erratic, discarded, uneasy reflections...

   

  and then the second stanza...ok, I got to the Wasteland there, but I won't go into why, almost a sort of tempting side there.

   

  And then the third stanza you turn it around and say "yes, but I am just a man" However, it seems you both claim not to have, but prove to have, similar quailities of the previous two. Perhaps human's have words to express this rage, temptation, sorrow?

   

  I like this a lot because it, again, makes me think and draw many different conclusions. And if you have not read Anthony Hecht, you should. I think you would really, really, really enjoy him. I wrote a 20 page paper on the guy but it damn near made me pull my hair out. Why I chose one of the most complex poets on the list to write about is beyond me. Please let me know if you have any of his collections.

  
• 
  naked roots
  August 24, 2007
  
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  When i read your poems, I have to pause and think on each word, ponder it, and relish in the beauty of it.
  I imagine that this is quite possibly the way that they are written too...each word seems so carefully chosen and placed where it belongs perfectly.
  The last stanza...WOW! Very powerful and emotionally moving.
  This is another intellectual masterpiece, and you know how I feel about that
  
  
  

  
• • 
    NoIQ
    August 24, 2007
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    Well thank you kindly. Actually, as I recall, the contest this was entered required you to use less than 50 or 40 words total, so it took quite a while to compose to ensure the words were, in fact, used precisely and at a premium. I am delighted you dropped by to look and comment
• 
  Night Hope
  August 13, 2007
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  Hmmm...I shoulda been by your pages much sooner, Poet. Your skill is surpassed only by your obvious talent. One is not the same as the other. A Poet requires both, if they are to be both successful & steadfast. Your imagery is overflowing with clarity, yet, it is also a succinct lesson in delight. I especially liked the second & last stanzas. What a gorgeous picture, too. An impressive journey. Be well, Poet. Wanda
  

  
• • 
    NoIQ
    August 13, 2007
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    You've been by my poetry in the past. It's been so long since I actively wrote anything that I think you just don't recall. Plus, I have seen you comment on "burning house" poetry, including quite recently. You might ask yourself why Burning House thinks Monte is God
  • • 
      Night Hope
      August 13, 2007
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      Yeahhh, possibly I've slept since then. As for Burning House's opinion that Monte is God, I just assumed he had impeccable taste...much like the rest of us. Sooo...perhaps a few of us devotees can convince you to pen something new & completely different??? Note that specific portion of my name: Hope.
    • • 
        NoIQ
        August 13, 2007
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        Burning House is not specifically a "he" though I am sure Burning House often seems that way. Burning House is sort of an open-minded kind of house; a veritable open-door house. That's why I believe you've participated in contests judged by Burning House, and even trophied if I recall correctly. It's just sometimes Burning House is also a hijacked kind of House, who writes poetry and comments even the residents of the Burning House weren't necessarily expecting (or most of them, at least)
      • • 
          Night Hope
          August 13, 2007
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          Burning House just never struck me as being the least bit feminine. EVER.
        • • 
            NoIQ
            August 13, 2007
            
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            Oh, you'd be surprised, Burning House can be subtlely feminine, sort of like a Merry Cat, a chilled nurse who raises her skirts, or a woman who is absolutely Jantastic, er Fantastic, she can be artfullyLIKEme, or someone who might trulyembrace you, or own and record a CD from a poetess such as Zayra Yves, which almost also sounds like Zara when you think about it, or might come across as illusions. Well, you get the point
            
            It's just, as I said, burning house has this odd habit of, well, sounding like burning house has a celebutante fixation. So I do understand the confusion.
          • • 
              Night Hope
              August 13, 2007
              
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              "Celebutante". Good word. Must be hard to stay in one tense so long, ehhh, Poet??? I like Mary, Jan, Liza, Kim AND Zayra. Besides Nic. Have you ever read my friend Carol, shewolfnative? I think you'd enjoy her work, as well. She's incredible. A real Burning House kinda Lady.
              
              http://www.allpoetry.com/poets/shewolfnative
              
            • • 
                NoIQ
                August 13, 2007
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                Yes, I am familiar with shewolfnative too. I don't run many contests in my own name, but I do read many entries in others that do.
• 
  Grunts Girl
  July 10, 2007
  
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  first things first....
  you need to stop coming ashore for the little girls
  lol (JUST KIDDING)
  seriously this just solidifies that men say all the wrong things at just the right times LOL.. OK KIDDING AGAIN... cant help it
  
  I adored the opposite attraction of the middle stanza
  We all take away parts of someones or somethings innocence at one point or another
  
  Learning from that mistake is the key

  
• 
  stephanie sunshine
  April 29, 2007
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  i like the repetitive "P" carried throughout the first stanza. it's an abrupt sound, that requires the mouth to put forth great effort when speaking aloud. as far as content, mayhaps i'll revisit. this isn't something i can assess in one sitting.
  
  enjoyed.
• seriea89
  February 7, 2007
  
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  Another nice work! Its such a beautiful picture! The only feasible complaint I can make would be to switch "already has ruined" to has already ruined". A very legitimate point you come to here, with the cheapening of beauty and innocence. Very nice! I like the imagination in this piece (to echo alchemist!)
• 
  B Tha Revolution
  February 5, 2007
  
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  Not Bad At All
  This piece is not bad at all. You have an amazing imagination that's for sure. lol. Thank you so much for your entry and good luck
  
• 
  quietly burning
  January 14, 2007
  
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  sharp

  looking above i see that others have said the same word i had in mind, "tight". there is a respectful sense towards elegance here that I for one, always appreciate. This is a wonderful piece.

  
• • 
    NoIQ
    January 15, 2007
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    Well thank you so much! I haven't been online too much the past few weeks due to work and some other matters, so your extremely generous comment was a very pleasant surprise to read upon signing on -- especially coming from someone as talented and accomplished in their own poetic craft as are you. I am deeply appreciative of your visit.
• 
  Birchwood
  December 20, 2006
  
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  Beautiful shadow descriptions .. they do dive off clifs like that. I wonder about the last stanza -- "with words [you've].. ruined .. innocence"? You talked a lot of young women into losing their panties? That doesn't go with the first part -- something more sinister seems appropriate, but I can't, for the life of me, see what? Your profession? Your poetry? It is good, but doesn't take my innocence.

  
• • 
    NoIQ
    December 20, 2006
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    The image actually was prompted by what I genuinely was thinking the day I took the accompanying photo. I understand and appreciate the concerns. Understand, though, that I also played off of the double meaning of "pine" -- both as a literal noun re trees and the verb re pitying -- as well as "uneasy reflections" (which is not meant to refer solely to the mirrored images in the water) ... Those were the intended leads from the natural scene into the next two stanzas relating to more obvious internal conflicted thought.
    
    Nonetheless, I deeply appreciate your thoughts. I may re-think the expressions to smooth the transition, because I definitely see your point.
    
    Thank you so much for the visit. Excellent comment.
• 
  marc creamore
  December 7, 2006
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  Beautiful use of language with stunning imagery! Well done
• • 
    NoIQ
    December 7, 2006
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    Well thank you kindly. I wasn't aware anyone was even aware of this poem any more LOL. In any event, it was a pleasure to be visited by you, and I am indebted for the generous comment.
• Zayra Yves
  December 2, 2006
  
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  The Winner

  Well, no doubt there is a lot of talent in the contest that just past...I imagine the judge had a hell of a time trying to juggle all that fucking talent around...and having said that, this poem should have placed, in my humble opinion. This is really one of the best. I wonder if it will let me clap it up again...they are my bloody points and clappers anyway!
• • 
    NoIQ
    December 3, 2006
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    Thank you Zayra. With all that's happened with the site since I wrote this, I haven't been reading or participating too much. However, it was very much a pleasure to sign on today to learn you had visited my poetry. That was and is award enough, I assure you. Thank you so much
• Zayra Yves
  December 2, 2006
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  Bleed the Innocence

  Brilliant Monte. This is something different from you, at least in my experience of reading your works, and I am appreciating the depth of emotion it exposes.

  
• 
  AJ Morelli
  November 19, 2006
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  this is wonderful monte...
  
  al
• 
  NoIQ
  November 13, 2006
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  Hola Jeremi. Thank you very much. It's always particularly appreciated when you visit my works, given your own extensive talent.
• 
  horus8
  November 13, 2006
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  That was lovely.
• 
  NoIQ
  November 13, 2006
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  Thank you so much Renee. I wasn't aware you had entered this contest. I will go read the new work immediately. For now, though, I am dutifully appreciative of your very kind remarks on my own entry.
• 
  poetryality
  November 13, 2006
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  Very near perfect Monte! When I saw this entry by you I was anxious to read but had to wait until my muse was moved enough for me to write my own entry. What astounds me is; my poem is almost a mirrored reflection of yours. LOL I feel this poem with all that makes me yearn to be a better writer. Your last stanza is all encompassing and really allows the reader to see the modesty I've always known you had. Exquisite! I wish you the best in this challenge my dear friend.
  
  
  Much Love ♥
  
  Renee
• 
  NoIQ
  November 13, 2006
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  Thank you Al. It's a pleasure to participate in this contest, as the many great entries attest.
• 
  AJ Morelli
  November 13, 2006
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  This is really a great piece Monte, the closing lines are worth the price of admission alone. Strong piece, strong contender....
  
  
  
  al
• 
  NoIQ
  November 13, 2006
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  Thank you very much Kimmie. I can't say that Point Lobos does this to every man. LOL However, I suppose it was enough that I was observing the Reserve on my own in the quiet the day after I completed almost 7 solid weeks of travel, most of which had been for work. So it had that effect on me then, at least
  
  Great to see you visiting my work again. Thanks so much!
• 
  truembrace
  November 13, 2006
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  It's such a great indulgence in writing for all of us when you have the chance to travel less and pen more.
  
  Great visuals and leaving the last few lines with a soft sort of irony that brings a smile to the reader.
  
  So, that's what Point Lobos does to a man?
  
  Admirable write as always... Kimmie
• 
  NoIQ
  November 12, 2006
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  Nicolette! LOL You slipped in with a comment while I wasn't looking. And as always, it's as generous and a delight to read as your own exacting and gorgeous poetry. I am not unaware that this contest suits your own phenomenal poetry skills to a "t." There's still time to dazzle all of us, actually, with a new work. I know Al would be delighted too.
• 
  NoIQ
  November 12, 2006
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  Ah Blkwidow -- you hit everything in this poem 100% accurately, except that you pointed to my profession as the source of self-recrimination. I wish it were that easy, actually. As I said in my earlier comment on the other poem, they are tangentially linked -- although this is inspired by more than a single incident. Indeed, this is a personal reflection of both recent and past circumstance, and I felt the need to express it in these terms because I was thinking about them, in fact, when I took the photo that graces the poem.
  
  What great comments you leave. It is an amazing pleasure to read them - almost as much so as reading your poetry. Thank you again for the effort you make to express your thoughts, and critiques. They are absolutely wonderful.
• 
  NoIQ
  November 12, 2006
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  Well thank you butterflycuts! And don't apologize about the absence of earlier comments. I am rewarded simply by having my work read.
• 
  Nicolette
  November 12, 2006
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  Beautiful, tight, concise poetry that showcases your talent and your mastery of the English language, Monte. I like the serene feel of this poem and its many-layered quality....pensive and nostalgic and deep enough to dive into. Was such a pleasure to read this.
  
  ~ Nicolette
• 
  Blkwidow77
  November 12, 2006
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  And with this, I shall catch up in your work. Which isn't so hard, since you've only posted these two pieces since May. I wonder how many beautiful poems of yours have been lost in that time, having not been written down before they faded out. Do you ever wonder that yourself?
  
  The picture is gorgeous. It is just the kind of place I could drown in. It has that luring quality to it. I've taken an affinity towards cliffs of late. I find them fascinating suddenly. They command attention, do they not?
  
  And as I had just been saying in a previous review, you write one of two ways. This is the latter form. I prefer it myself, but my own work is always personal. So it's mostly just the way I tend to lean, and has nothing to say about one being better than the other.
  
  I think it was a good idea to include the picture, that gave shape to your piece. Within it, I could see your words playing out as I read them. I think it helped me see the layers of meaning in imagery, sunk in metaphor.
  
  In fact, I found myself surprised. Self recrimination Monte? What brought this about? Do you think so little of yourself at the moment? To compare yourself with that of a siren. The embodiment of ill will and an inherient desire to destroy life, this is what you see in the mirror? It must not be your personal life you speak of, but your professional one. And your job in the courtroom, coming in conflict with your morals, with your sense of right and wrong. Playing devil's adovacate is a wet mud side of a mountain. You're playing against inevitablity, never if.
  
  I had wanted to be a lawyer once. But I realized I couldn't stomach what would eventually be expected of me. And so I let that desire die, or drown deep, if you will.
• 
  -ButterflyCuts-
  November 11, 2006
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  Ah this contest has provoked some gorgeous work. . I have a feeling I've read a lot of your stuff and run away without commenting, if that's the case I'm really sorry lol. I think you're a great poet. And a lawyer too? Well, I think so.. lol.
• 
  NoIQ
  November 9, 2006
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  Woo Hoo! I know it's a good day for me when I warrant a Wendy visit to my poetry! Thank you so much. LOL -- As Dez said in the very first comment to poem, I think all of us can relate at some level. Seriously, Wendy, thank you so much for reading.
• 
  Manicmuze
  November 9, 2006
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  wow... a very tight poem, most effective and powerful.
  i understand too well i think. excellent work.
  ~ q
• 
  NoIQ
  November 9, 2006
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  Well thank you most kindly, luvdrkchocolate. Yes, I am the amateur photographer who captured that image of a small part of Point Lobos. And you are quite correct - the metaphor is not meant to be flattering despite originating in a natural scene of beauty, even though it is an example of both self-expression and self-examination. I very much appreciate your comment and read
• luvdrkchocolate
  November 9, 2006
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  Oh cool! I just love that picture! I have never been there but seeing that really makes me want to go and see it in person. It's so perfect. Did you take it yourself? And your poem is just a beautiful. I just love the way you write. I liked how each image connected in some meaningful manner to the next one you were talking about. You don't leave people to really guess on anything but the metaphors. The message in your poem surprised me though. It really sounds kind of dark and foreboding against the beauty of the sunlight in your image. Such scary contrasts and it's all long past Halloween! It's a really great piece. So good luck in the contest you entered. I'm sure you'll have a great chance in it! Write more soon!!
• 
  NoIQ
  November 9, 2006
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  Ah Gill, you're way too kind. There are any number of poems that may triumph in this contest. I am just delighted to be well-received, and to have been fortunate enough to warrant a comment as generous as yours. And believe me, it is likewise a delight to be back, both reading and writing.
• 
  NoIQ
  November 9, 2006
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  Well thank you very much "R" -- weren't the artist formerly known as Eris? It's a delight to see that you visited both of my recent poems, and I am dutifully grateful just for that effort -- not to mention the kind words you left on each.
• 
  NurseChilly
  November 9, 2006
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  if this doesn't win.. i may have to show my aspidistra on the town hall steps...
  
  
  
  - Monte, the words here, expand in the mind like osmosis.. their is salt, grit, life and love all compounded into such a stark and simplistic write.. loaded with watery depths and layers .. so many layers
  
  it is.. as I've said recently.. so good to see you writing again and having the ability to spend some of your precious time on here with us mere little pretend poets..
  
  you are a poet sir...
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  Utok Bulinaw
  November 8, 2006
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  A graceful yet explosive piece you have here Sir. No words wasted, just simply breathtaking (that goes for the picture too). Cheers! R
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  PoeticFlame
  November 7, 2006
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  I liked this one. I think I got this one. You want to be something more than what you are...but at the same time you realized your just a man who realized that all your emotions and feelings could be felt in so many ways.
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  NoIQ
  November 7, 2006
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  Merci beaucoup Rowan. That's a very gracious compliment, and much appreciated.
• 
  Rowan
  November 7, 2006
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  Now that's bang. In more ways than one! A beautiful penned piece, with a great ending. I really liked this one! A great entry!
• 
  NoIQ
  November 7, 2006
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  lol -- it's all right, Myra. My comments tend to stumble over my own fingers, and everything else actually, and I can't blame any language except my own.
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  myrataal
  November 7, 2006
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  I mean -- my comments tend to stumble over their Afrikaans fingers.
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  myrataal
  November 7, 2006
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  Don't you just HATE non-English speakers?
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  NoIQ
  November 7, 2006
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  Well thank you so much Myra I've missed your thoughts and poetic explorations. It's a delight to see you visit As I said, thank you so much.
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  myrataal
  November 7, 2006
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  Splendid

  Why all these words?
  
  Your poem is breathtakingly beautiful. Never did words link themselves exactly the way they did here -- to careen into pensive depths? Wow. How sensual.
  
  This is NoIQ.
  
  
  
  Myra
  Edited on Nov 07, 4:43 p.m. because 'grrrrrrrrrr'.
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  ca ne fait rien
  November 7, 2006
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  Even if it is cliche, cliche has a place in poetry and I think that this is an example of where it works well , both as a device and as , well almost an ironic expression of the very essence of it all. Bleh, as they say, I am trying to be sincere and explain something that is already explained in the poem and am only succeeding in sounding pretentious.
• 
  NoIQ
  November 7, 2006
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  Whoah -- and that is one hell of a comment Stef! LOL. No, you're not barking up the wrong tree at all. Whether it may be cliche, for the time being I intend to stay with the last line "as is" for reasons you identify, and others of my own. One issue no one has mentioned but which actually is relevant to the poem (for reasons you correctly hint at) is the very name of this naturalistic locale. In any event, I am once again in your debt for such an amazing and delightful comment. It is as much a pleasure to read your thoughts on my work as it is to read your own versed talent. Thank you so much.
• 
  ca ne fait rien
  November 7, 2006
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  The hellish thing with poetry written by people in leagues above oneself, is that one keeps having to ask questions, and try to find the answers. People have mentioned the last line. I have read the poem a few times now, and on the first reading, I felt the last stanza was like a cable holding the barrage balloon to the earth. Then why , even in my wrped brain, should I think of an image like that when the poem is about depths of water, not soaring peaks of mountains and sky. Well, that is what makes it so good isn;t it, because really they are the same thing to 'just a man' struggling to find his place in the whole huge shebang of nature's vast beauty. Anyway, I am rambling. The question. Why would he use something that could be accused of cliche in that last line? He has a reason, (other than mere caprice). Now I think it is perfect, because it shows the insignificance of the contrivance of 'just a man' in the great scheme of things as laid out in this magnificent natural world. Barking, and barking up a wrong one, I guess, but, hell I managed a comment when I didn;t think I could.