Fires burn waters run dry
Inside I turn ... as I start to cry.
Waves crash the thunder roars
Last chance heart on the mat at the door.
The eagle screams the coyote howls deep
As I dream... dream of you in my sleep.
People free... but this wolf cries
Help me... help me! stay alive!
Squirrels eat birds sing
Small defeat where to begin...
I shout! I scream! I cry!
I burn in this being stay alive!
I roar heart crashes thoughts dry!
I'm torn your turn dry my eyes!
I howl I dream set me free!
I roam I sing I am me...
Let it be... in turn we are all the same
... let me be me... love burns no more pain.
I see now as wrong as I was to be...
I am alone now ... but at last I am free
... free for a price.
Author notes
There is a long story behinde this poem , but I prefur the reader to get their own message from it then to share the anguish between the lines ... My puncuation is dilabrate , which is stated in my coment replys
Written September 6th, 2004
A contest entry
- Empty Chairs by Breathing Days.
900 points, ended November 12, 2006, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - *** INVITE ONLY CONTEST #1*** by Kari.
300 points, ended December 2, 2006, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Reaching through Shadows by x Gemini x.
600 points, ended December 29, 2006, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pain by weirdsis amz.
450 points, ended January 8, 2007, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tears Are for the Living by x Gemini x.
600 points, ended January 12, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Form Poetry Contest by Kari.
480 points, ended January 27, 2007, 32 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I just want your personal best. by disparate.
900 points, ended February 20, 2007, 55 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - #4 Losing a loved one. by xox-lankan-xox.
500 points, ended March 13, 131 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Search for the best AP Poet by wolfcub.
600 points, ended March 1, 2007, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 35 of 35
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another memory
this is one of my favorites from your past greats...from the phone and your book..."free for a price", i always remembered that line...it always was sunk deep in my memory...i remember when we first met and knew each other this was one of the poems that we talked about in our many hours of conversation on the phone...i miss those times, my friend...your poems from your past are your best ones...thanks for who you were -
fantastic spill--
feels like you reached inside of me and pulled out something I was trying to hide from- thanks jerk!
(*and I hope you can take that as the complimnet that it was meant*)
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oh wow this is powerful and filled with so much emotion. Very well written. Great imagery and expression.
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Wow this is great, the last paragraph is so true. I like how little puncuation there is, I think it adds to the poem especailly in the middle (but thats just my thinking.
Good job, great writting.
E -
You really need to put commas in to separate the phrases (not just in one or two places but everywhere!).
I think the lack of correct punctuation made it harder for me to read this poem, and I didn't get as much energy and emotion out of it as you put in. I also couldn't really see the flow because I kept pausing to work out how the words were meant to go.
Thankyou for entering and good luck in my contest.
Katie -
The lack of commas confused me for a bit when reading some of the lines in the second stanza.. kind of just ran the words together without them, took me a moment to realize you weren't using commas.
I felt a lot of desperation through this, almost like a fight for a life, and then I read the end and realized it was about a love that ended? I think. An interesting piece, well done..
Thanks for entering the contest, best of luck and I do apologize for the commenting delay.
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I like this alot!!!...but I would also like to know the story behind it!!!!...LOL
Luv,
Gin
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Brent......OMG, this poem, its filled with so many raw emotions, *sigh* I can't think of the words to describe this. It's so good.
~Oka
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To me this shows someone who has been through much. The "last chance heart at the door" is the fact that they have clearly been wounded in love and this is the last time that they are putting their heart on the line. I like the punctuation as it creates a shape to the poem. I love the line "Im torn your turn dry my eyes"
Faeri
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this is a very different poem. you are talking about your pain amongst elements of nature. the way i see this is that even though your hurt and your lonely the world still goes on
keep writing
amz -
First, let me thank you for entering my contest.
Second, i am sorry for your strife.
Third:
This poem was very touching. The flow and imagery was very well done. I suggest the use of puncuation and capitlization for a professional look and easier reading, as well as inserting spaces (maybe making stanzas) so not to OVERHELM the reader.
Otherwise, this was good. -
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as stated earlier , my use of puncuation , or lack there of , was infact to will the reader even more into the confusing cyclone of my mind as everything was related ... by seting comas , which I orrignaly done , it took away from the quality , because instead of feeling like a cyclone , it felt like a heartbeat ( ba-dum ba-dum ba-dum) this si especally true in the middle of the poem , when i go through 3 pluss emotions at once "i shout I screem I cry I burn in this being stay alive" if you add commas to that , or any pause ... the quality demishes the true feeling
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great
very well written. i can definitely relate to this. i love it!! -
absolutely amazing
wow, this was extremely well written. I loved the style you used and the imagery was awesome. It made me feel so lonely anyways fantastic job !!!
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Awww this was so very deep...it was good. I enjoyed reading it. The very best of luck to you in the contest
Kari -
thats a wonderful poem there the flow of it was great and i has to finish the poem once started. the pic goes well with it also. each word u use was perfect.
great job
keep it up. and u will get even more better
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i really like the structure and the wording. i thought some of the lines didn't flow/rhyme as well as others, for example from lines 6 to 7 but overall the poem read nicely. a good title, and overall strong poem.
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good write
there are worse things than being alone.
i struggle and i fight,
just to be free.
it was never easy being me.
your feedom is something that is ALWAYS worth fighting for, and paying whatever price it takes to get it and to keep it. ok? love GYSPYfish
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Oh. This is some piece that you have going here. It is very sad.
There are so many words and lines or expression that speak of torment and a deep kind of sorrow. It sounds like whatever the speaker was going through it was very hard. I think that you have done a good job of expressing yourself!
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I don't like this. It looks like clippings of used up song lyrics. Maybe that's what the contest was about, I don't know. I just read this because there were a few extra points in it. In the first line I thought of boys to men and as it went on various country and 80's rock love ballad hair bands came to mind.
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hmmm....
Wonderfully penned, the meaning is quite a lot very clear and the depth inside was for sure, impressive. The only complaint I will love to log into will be the rhyme, a bit inconsistant and too immature or maybe, too much forced...eh?
Keep penning
and trying!
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mesmerising
This poem has a haunting quality that is quite beautiful. I love the transition from the water images of the first couple of lines to the fiery images later in the poem. I do feel that the punctuation needs some work but overall an enchanting piece of poetry.
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true
your words have meaning, and for that i thank you every thing comes with price, even if you do it twice
there's no twistes and no turn
i like your poem in hope tat people will learn cute huh it was aspear of a moment poem smiles i like your poem becuz it's so true
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Ok, so you're better than awesome
The poem just seems so broken, in a good way, like a lunatic thinking his last thoughts, or any person for that matter. Sad and kind of depressing, but full of the emotion
GREAT job
diggin it majorly
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Interesting...
It's almost like a lyrical poem. I started writting songs, and kinda stink with it. Everyone said what I wanted to say, above. So, all I can say is this has potential within it. (o^_^o)
Can you change this background...?
It's kinda bright for my eyes...I was just able to read it...=S but would be good if there's a good background, that would fit your poem perfectly. Would be awesome. 
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There's some fine imagery in here and for the most part, I love the construction. I'm not a stickler for punctuation, but this definitely needs some. I wasn't keen on your final line, I think it reads better without it. The whole build up of the poem is leading the reader to find the freedom with the narrator, so when you get to that finale, it's a strange idea to render the whole poem mute. But just my opinion and how it grabbed me, I'm in the minority lol, so feel free to ignore
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a good piece though where you are using the ellipses the correct use of them is to use three dots. i was enjoying that poem until i came to the end and saw the ellipses. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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This is really good! The words the rythem, it really traps me and I just have to finish it. It's really strong!
"I shout I scream I cry
I burn in this being , stay alive
I roar heart crashes thoughts dry
I'm torn your turn dry my eyes
I howl I dream set me free
I roam I sing I am me"
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wow amazing flows so well and so much emotion just unwrappes with each word and sentence keep up the increadable work your a very talented writer.
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GREAT WRITING HERE!
The illusions you have created here are superb, marvelous, and creative!
The format and rhyme is also well written:
Fires burn waters run dry
inside I turn , as I start to cry
waves crash the thunder roars
last chance heart on the mat at the door
the eagle screams the coyote howls deep
There is only one suggestion and it is very minor
Some of the passages may read better with commas. That is my only recommendation to make this poem even more AWESOME than it already is.
Great job again
Thank you so much for posting this
You are very talented!
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the reason for lack of commas is because of the flow and confusion caused at that point , it is a nessessary setback to properly convey my message
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Everything comes at a price. I've known that, yet the fact that we can't love or let go, or be ourselves or cry a few tears is a depressing fact. You're right, I do like this one better because i, and i think everyone else, can relate to it. The actions that we told in this poem ARE the feelings we feel. Hemce why i loved this one. And even though it was short, the words and format that you used were quite powerful. Another excellent write, and I wish you great luck in the contest. -MK
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this was on topic well i can see it was written deep and lots of raw emoshon in it best of luck in my contest
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Lovely imagery but some of the lines read with difficulty due to some of the misplaced commas....The lines look as though they need breaking...I did like this though. Thankyou for sharing and welcome to the site!
Fern -
Fantastic imagery- wonderfully strung words- strong deep impressions- I have enjoyed all of this poem a great bunch
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