Men envy the cigarette
pressed between her muted lips.
Her body speaks every language,
breasts high
like two peaches in the tree
all men want to climb,
skin smooth as the
glossy pages of a magazine.
She is the yardstick
real women must stand against;
the ideal measure of beauty.
(She infects other women with insecurity.)
She is the cure for Ethiopia
spreading anorexia to devour starvation.
Ageless as a vampire,
sucking our wallets dry
in the latest scheme
to stay young.
A world could not pass
through her prepubescent hips;
she would lead us into extinction.
She is paper and plastic,
music and electricity;
she travels on airwaves,
she is everywhere and everything
she is air-brushed perfection.
(She does not exist.)
Author notes
This is a rough draft. Suggestions are always welcome.
Written November 6th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- The X Chromosome (700 POINTS) by Shahrazad.
700 points, ended December 6, 2007, 25 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What wins bronze around here? by AutumnGypsy.
550 points, ended August 27, 2008, 22 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 88 of 88
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This is truly superb, you really have captured today's society in these lines and the things we women strive for which are always unattainable. Well done, welcome to the finalist list. Best to you
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I hesitated to comment on this as you've had so many comments already, but I have to say I think this is excellent and the last line is just perfect.
Bill
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I loved this! The topic is not a new one- it is overused, but the way you described the fake ideal woman was so excellent that it didn't matter. This was brilliant- I hung on to every word- seriously every word! Good job... Thanks for entering it in the contest
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"She infects other women with insecurity". This is a well written poem and the views presented towards society touched me and made me think. There are so many things wrong with this world today and your views represented just one part of our messed up society.
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love this pece
everything about it... the creative structure and strong wording... and that conclusion like a strike across the face...
wonderful!
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Wonderful painting here. Good strong message. Thanxx for sharing. Good luck.
Luv,
Candy
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wow very strong images...the opening lines and ending were awesome...the writing as a whole is full of great lines that makes one think of this confused societies ills but this one spoke to me alot:
"She is the yardstick
real women must stand against;
the ideal measure of beauty.
(She infects other women with insecurity.)"
best of luck~ peace
Michelle Fey
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thank you thank you so much for this breath taking message you have penned thank you so much
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dont reply ooopsss sorry i forgot
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This is an excellent poem. It was very well written with great details and truth. Those women are not real and are only fabrications of the fashion industries. It’s quite a sad fact. Personally, I want to see true women... with flaws, weight, etc. to be models to represent the authentic females that aren’t perfect and don’t attempt to be. As for the background, it goes nicely with your poem and even proves your point. This was a wonderful poem with a strong and factual message. Good luck in the contest.
- Andi
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I for one liked this one very much. The pictures add to it. And you make some wonder points. Nice vocabulary used here. Good Luck in the contest.
~MotherMachineGunn~ -
Very nice write!
I especially loved the ending, wasn't what I was expecting :]
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Ethiopia? Nice topic, and you attacked it well. Thanks for your entry!
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A message that our girls need to hear and put in such a way that many will most definitely be impacted.
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I can stand every 'perfection' view in the world, god knows I even participate in some, but the one I can't stand is 'age'.... I have never grasped the concept of applying twenty different 'age-creams' in order to reduce a tiny blemish... Or getting an injection to lift wrinkles.
Maybe its because I'm young and have not hit an age where that would be a temptation, but it certainly makes no sense at all to me now.
Anywho, before I go on and on and on, this is well-written for a first draft, and I enjoyed it. I wish you the best in the contest.
good luck
-shirley- -
You write the truth. This poem reminds me of just how messed up society's values are. Of course, I think that if we weren't all insecure about our bodies, we'd just be insecure about something else. Confused world; confused people. Thanks for adding a little rationality.
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Interesting
I always try to comment on people's poetry when they comment on mine. ^_^ These pictures are grotesque. lol. I just thought I would say that. The poem however was pretty good. I liked the basic idea of it, however, I think it could have been laid out a bit better. All in all it was a good write. -
THis Poem is very very very very very Powerful. The Message is one we all need to take in..NO ONE is perfect no matter how hard they try to be..it just ain't gonna happen. THese women prance around thinking they are all high and mighty with men at their feet...while the REAL women in the REAL world are left to hang high and dry.. But I ramble on..THis a wonderful wonderful Poem..Great job!!
Ayla -
awesome job
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Double WOW WOW!!!!! excellent write.... Very strong message, of truth you have written... Your title 'Ideal" is 1 word, but very strong captures your poem
well written
Tracey -
Excellent
It is wonderful to see that not all are brainwashed into believing all that they see...The pain and self degregation that these models suffer to achieve (perfection) has to be seen to be believed, whilst we as onlookers are forced to see anorexia at it's worse. My only hope that when their working careers are at an end in this profession, that they can become well adjusted young women.There should be laws protecting the health of these ladies as there were laws helping children forced into work before their time. Excellent write
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I think I read this before, but I didn't comment. I think I'll give you the decency of a comment this time...Hmm...I'm sure you know how great the presentation is, so I won't waste more than this sentence discussing it. But, "like two apples in the tree/every man wants to climb" made me laugh...It's been my experience that men don't exactly aim their eyes for apples so much as melons...Perhaps I thought too much on it...The lines "A world could not pass/ through her prepubescent hips;/
she would lead us into extinction." have to be the most depressing and truthfull lines I've ever read. Overall, your poem is great, but the subject is really a shame.
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wisdom
For someone who doesn't exist this hootchie mamma has caused me anxiety for a lotta years. Excellent piece and your perspective is right on. We should not idolize an ideal so far out in the twilight zone. You have a fine rhyme scheme and rhythm is great.
hugs Wolfie -
Right on! Too bad the rest of the world can't clue in.
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FANTASTIC!!
this is wonderful and i don't know what i could add that hasn't already been said by everyone. as the saying goes" you hit the nail on the head" you are very talented so keep the ink flowing! -
the pictures on the left make me wonder why anyone would even want to be like that..or why anyone would envy that. society is so blinded. you wrote it well.
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Wow... this is such a powerful and needed message for both guys and girls today. The media presents such an unhealthy image for girls, and gives guys unfair expectations in relationships. This was great; thanks for sharing.
JWM -
Air brushed perfection...exactly.
Personally I would take her down and feed her a couple big healthy steaks and then keep her there until they totally digested, no bathroom sneaks. See's a bit too skin for
my tastes (pun not intended or maybe it was...lol)
Hugs...Eddy -
wow...very powerful poem. it is a shame women judge themselves by fake women *fake in more ways than one* All women are beautiful but only few are physicaly so. you put this forth beautifuly and you show alot on insight in this poem.
Good Write and God Bless
the poet of dreams
Ben B -
You deserve a second applause for this!
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Encore! Encore! Damn well said! Don't change it! I love it! THAT is perfection!
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a great portrayal of what society is like today. cause that girl gets to us all sometimes, and we all wonder why we cant be more like her. this poem shows we aer trying to be something that is not real; we are trying to be nothing. a great write.
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she is air-brushed perfection.
(She does not exist.)
So much for ideal. You really honed in on this with a variety of relating images. Excellent. And you grand finale really topped this piece off. Good one.
~Mary O -
Entirely so beautiful with so much ellegance and with so much thoughts as well..The music of this poem is like a universal definations about the woman and also her place in our life...The use of lines and the use of words here are bringing the depth with a great intensity of the this mysterious creation that is called a woman...Indeed so much powerful work is here...
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freakin awsome
im sorry but im a guy and these border chicks and all those modles are usualy ugly i like a girl that has some meat on her bones still it a great poem -
Thank you Carly Pop, I think that is one of the nicest comments I have ever recieved.
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brilliant!
if this wasn't a poem I needed to read this morning I don't know what! Brilliantly written and this one who can't lose 10 pounds exhaled this morning for the first time in months. A masterpiece on every level, self esteem at the highest notch! my husband is not bothered by the extra 10 (or even 20) so why should I so as long as it is not unhealthy? thanks a million for your words which don't need to be airbrushed - thick and fat with truth! -
very clever use of words throughout this entire piece
i get a kick out of double meanings such as the use of 'yardstick', skinny as one and something to measure with.
excellent write all around
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great!
ok i really don't say this out of jealousy, but the women in these pics are UGLY. does anyone else think they just look unhealthy? i can't believe that this is our society's standard of beauty. how sad. anyway, sorry for the mini-rant. great write, thought-provoking, well done. -
What an elegant codemnation of society and perceived perfection-personally I do not strive to achieve the impossible perfection of size zero and have never bought an age defying cream in my life, I struggle enough to keep my head and heart going, but my sisters do, and it breaks my heart because they are beautiful vibrant young women who would command attention with or without the tan and designer waistline. You write eloquently about an essentially ugly subject. Loved it.
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you contain information about millions of yea
listen, these chicks on the left here, i am not attracted to one bit. meat on the bones is ATTRACTIVE and these skinny bitches need to be on the way out. only other women consider these skeletons BEAUTIFUL. but oh well. insecurity sells product. as for this poem, very well written. dig the parentheses. -
Incredible
This is so well penned. Shows our society and what we as women are left to aspire to. A facade of what a real woman is. Even a dog wants a little meat on his bone. Women are beautiful in all shapes and sizes. Time for the world to see us all. Keep writing for yours is a voice so many of us real women want to seem heard. -
Too true, It's sad that men even look for those things, when they should know that it's all a fake. Nice poem. The Pictures actually almost turned me away until my sister who was looking over my shoulder told me to take another look at the words being said. So true it's heartbreaking.
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Thank you for the nice comment, and for pointing out the typo! How embarrassing!
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Very well done Danna, I especially like the line "A world could not pass through her prepubescent hips; she would lead us into extinction." Important message uniquely stated without the standard dogma. I look at your border models, and just don't understand how they are presumed "perfect" or attractive or even sexy. I did spot a typo at "sceheme".
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Oh-o is this true. I mean, while i was reading this, i look back and forth between text and picture and there is a rather signifigant differance between the girl in the black bikini (who is healthly skinny) and the girl in red (who must be anorexic) and i think the girl in red is disgusting. Our society is so obese we have nothing better to do than starve after unhealthily skinny persons.
My point is, you captured our societys fantasys and illusions well, and thank you ever so kindly for shoving it in faces of how unreal they are? Great Write. -
I love this. Ofcourse, as a female in our current day society who has struggles against these ideals, I love this. Very well written and expressed, your word choice was perfect. Although I must admit I was excited while reading it that, before I reached the end, you were writing it (this way) from the models point of veiw.. because ive never seen that done before (now i really wish i wasnt in a slump). But still, I loved how you expressed this and your approach. Very strong. I loved loved loved your imagery. Beautifully done
(PS. the background really adds strength to the peice as well) -
ah yes, a nice look at an impossible standard that so many try to live up to but never really was to begin with, even for those in photos because they too have often been 'altered' either surgically/airbrushed to look like this fantasy ideal that society seems to have embedded in its collective consciousness. very meaningful, nice flow to it (really), thanks for sharing and best wishes
~shadowlyn -
Excellant/fun/intriguing
A wonderful write indeed. It is so nice to see someone speak out against an obnoxious stereotype. Madison Avenue stereotypes both men and women. But the way they stereotype women is worse.
Maybe someday we'll have a Madison Ave. firm run by women and they can stereotype men as sex objects, jocks, and muscle bound. -
Thanks for the lovely picktures. I like models, too.
allpoetry.com/Poem/1920868
Edited on Nov 09, 8:24 p.m. because ''. -
Give me a look,give me a face,
That makes simplicity a grace,
Than all the adultries of art,
they strike mine eyes, but not my heart.
'Ben Johnson'.
Safe to say, that if I come across such a female,
I'd steal my eyes somewhere else where I can Cut so deep in her so-called pride.
Not my kind of woman, (There was never a kind btw)..
Because I do believe that women are all that picture incarnate, eventhough they do try so hard to hide it in so deep..........sometimes.
No offense.
At the end of the day, your poem nodded, and agreed to my point of view, and that is why I feel your poem has made a HUGE effect along the road ..
keep it coming, very talented, very meaningful..
N.B:
I normally don't review free verses, but your title flashed my eyes, I had to take a peek in..
Lucky me *winks*.
Edited on Nov 09, 7:58 p.m. because ''. -
you are so right,
she does not exist.
but just know that its our faults for
letting the mags and television shows
send this out to us.
then again its the men too
when i was 125 to 130
i never thought that was a bad weight
then girls would come in to have their bridal gowns
designed at my salon and they would weigh 85 lbs
and complain that they never should have had lunch before
coming to try on wedding dresses.
when company's create a size 0
if gives us no place to turn.
i think the fashion industry has created
this monster.
that is one of the reasons i left nyc
and have decided to do something with more meaning.
i cant beleive some of the things i have seen
over 23 years and how even size 0 is not good enough for
a certain type of person.
i say we are all spectacular from size 0 to 20
we just have to love ourselves!!!!
peace
candice v solomon -
Great work.
Darling, you are very talented. The pictures are so representative, they actually add feeling to this cold, senseless reality. How can they be such role models, when they're an embarassment to humanity? And it really has an affect on the young generations. I used to work at Starbucks, and there would be these young teenage girls coming in, asking for nonfat lattes. For their own sake, they're thirteen years old, seemingly healthy. They should be getting their daily amount of 2% milk. It's something small, but it really shows what humanity is getting to.
Please, please, don't feed the models... *rolleyes*
Edited on Nov 09, 7:15 p.m. because 'Spelling.'. -
I loved this! The pictures at the left are very effective. I love the last line
She does not exist)" Very well done!
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You know what? I loved this piece. It actually made me feel better about myself. I don't know if that was the idea, but thank you. You have an amazing talent. Keep writing.
God Bless.
-Tawney -
I certainly ate this one up... and it has filled my enormous appetite.
Very tastefully done.
As for myself, I cower from
The sight of anorexics
So I do admire you message
How these models are chosen
Barely surviving so thin
Looking almost near death
With bones at their flesh
Somewhat like skeletons
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Well what can I say except we are what we are, not every body is skinny, your poem highlights the pressures primarily on young girls to be sylph like and anorexic.These models are not necessarily 'the ideal measure of beauty'
In the line 'spreading anorexia to devour starvation'implies that to be able to exist without eating there would be no problem,your last line is the essence of your poem. -
"She is the cure for Ethiopia
spreading anorexia to devour starvation."
A double-entendre? If so, a witty one. -
Sad but True!
An enjoyable write; fortunately this is not my ideal for a woman; my ideal is expressed in the poem "My Proverbs 31 Wife". -
Your poems are like gift wrapped presents. They don't come often but when they do, we're in for a treat.
One senses looking at the alien creatures on the runways that even though they breath, they are artificial as those man made isotopes that exist for a nanosecond only
but in some cases they can in that split second change the world.
terrific poem -
I think this poem is fine as it is and personally I wouldn't change it. You have done a great job highlighting this false perception of "the perfect woman" being of stick insect proportions! Most men prefer a more shapely form, I believe. Of course some women are naturally slim when young (as I was!) I can't remember there being eating disorders, when I was a teenager either, as we weren't encouraged to be obsessed with ourselves. As long as you were healthy and not clinically obese, all shapes and sizes were ok.
Ann -
I don't think anything needs rewording for clarity's sake, I think your audience has simply been a bit... sub-par.
The "yardstick" bit seems pretty clear to me, as does the last line, as does all of it. And it's freeverse poetry, so you get to pick where your linebreaks go and how many you use. I see no validity to any complaints thus far, and this makes me cranky. It's a solid piece.
A well-penned, thoughtful, poignant, and artful piece.
Much respect,
Gren -
What I was thinking when I wrote that last line is that this image is one that can only be achieved by a very small percentage of the population who have this body type. Other women may starve themselves trying to look like this, but most of them will never get there. Also, that the pictures of models are often touched up, so they do not even look like what appears in magazines. That and the fact that even for the women with this body type, it is a fleeting image- these girls will not stay young forever, and as soon as the bloom starts to open, their careers are over. So it was in a more symbolic sense not existing. Does that make sense? Any ideas on how to reword it so that it would be welcome
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Excellent
I loved the poem, and the imagery. I have three daughters and my oldest one already experienced some angst about her appearance..she developed a self-esteem issue because the teenage boys don't believe she is thin enough..still does sometimes, but she is getting better..and the eating disorder disappeared..well done -
Hi Danna, I loved it until I got to the last line, as I feel she does exist and many young women ruin their lives as you said to be like her, something does not scan in that last line for the rest it is great and a very good write, hugs Di
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Danna,this is very well written.The spacing was not uniform throughout but that is an observation and not a criticism.I liked the voice within the poetry,it revealed without accusation but with revelation how the female image is portrayed by the media for everything from cigarettes onwards,how each form of advertizing perpertrates that image which is indeed airbrushed to perfection leading to the majority of females experiiencing self esteem rejection and the majority of guys longing for indeed what doesn't exist.It is a catch 22 situation for the entire nation as we are force fed plastic idealogy via computer technology,starved of realism and the models themselves are often within unhappy relationships and have eating disorders or addictions,fear losing their looks as that is how they feel valued by society.As usual it is the suited and booted share holding executives that are the only winners as they fatten their bank accounts via satiating the visual stimuli that men desire,from the cheer leaders to their magazines,their pole dancing icons and beauty queens men are visual creatures and society will never change as sexuality sells,it is the one common demoninator within marketing a product,catch the eye first and then keep the attention.A thought provoking,interesting,well written societal write,love and light,Yvette
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Truth in itself has power but the way you wrote it is even stronger I like the begining because it let me wonder what was this poem all about, and the best surprise was waiting for me round the corner. This message should be publicised all the time everyewhere. Thank you for putting it through. The obsession women have with their body is a mirror of what is expected from them. Half naked beautiful very slim body exposed evrywhere give an hard time to the ordinary mother of 2 or 3 struggling to make everybody happy at home with good cooking while a dissatified husbang keep lurking at all the perfect women outside. While beauty has always been attractive to mankind it is the exposure of it all which send a daily message to us all that only perfection should do for us, to get there, millions are spent on cosmetics and now cosmetic surgery seems to become more of an option nearly a must. The new target for this market are men now, I just wonder if they will become as silly as we women are. I have watched sometime the T.V transmission "Complete Make Over" and found it truly pathetic.
Thank you for the message so well expressed. -
when i was younger i think i wanted to look like this but it passed... thank God.
when i was younger at one time i had lost a lot of weight (and my first husband...lol...why do we always diet after a break-up?) and it got to the point of barely eating anything. one day i passed out in public. with the most horrible spins and hallucinations. scared the crap outta me so after that i ate normally. it was a 'control' thing. i couldn't control much else but i could control my weight
the reference to a 'yardstick' was clever... some models seem to be as thin as that proverbial yardstick
models look perfect and a lot of their 'imperfections' are air-brushed out too...
all in all i liked this Danna
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FABULOUS & FANRTASTIC
i have got nothing to say but HOW TRUE!!!!! 8rose*
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I liked this Danna. There are a lot of lines that you didn't show me last night, and they work amazingly
I also like the background, though I don't find the black bathing suit one nearly as sickening as the one in the red. I mean, the one in black doesn't look extremely healthy, but she at least looks like she does eat.
Anyway, that was a random point that I just felt like saying
I agree with an above comment that "a world" should be changed to "life"
Did the "unnatural cleavage" line imply breast implants? Because if you're just talking about models, normally, you're not supposed to really even have any breats if you want to be a model...or at least I'm pretty sure what it was like when I was in grade 9 (because I went to a modelling/acting convention...I was obviously there for the acting ).
"She is the yardstick
other women must stand against,
to be infected with insecurity."
In these lines, I don't see what a a yardstick to stand against has to do with being infected with something (even if it is just insecurity and not an actual disease or something). Or maybe it's just the use of "to be infected" because that way, it kind of sounds like they purposely try to infect themselves...but maybe that's just the connotation I'm used to, so you don't have to listen to me
"music and electricity;
she travels on airwaves,"
When you showed me the original line last night, I liked the reference to power, and I thought the traveling on airwaves was going to replace electricity and that you'd keep power...I personally would like that better, but again, it's your choice
"she travels on airwaves,
she stares down on us
as we drive to work
she greets us
when we open a magazine,
she is everywhere and everything
she is perfection.
I thought the line break transitions in this stanza were a little awkward...but then again, I use too many "ands" and "buts" and you try to steer clear of those, which is technically the right way to go, but to me, it still does sound awkward...maybe if you used semicolons after each thought...I don't know though, so you can ignore this thought too.
Nice poem Danna, and I loved the last line and how it's so separate from the rest of the poem.
Kayla* -
BRAVO!
I have written a poem on bulimia called Strip Search. Society and its incredibly focusedness on external matters like status symbols and icons CAUSED anorexia and bulimia nervosa. I feel very strongly about this.
I use make-up and love to look feminine, whether I wear my sons'discarded T-shirts, or my own softly flowing voiles and woollies. Of course I am well-groomed and as attactive as I personally can be. BUT: ANY attempt of "LOOKING YOUNGER" like facelifts, lipo-suctions, breast implants and COSMETIC breast reconstruction etc. is TOTALLY NOT acceptable. For me the natural woman is someone who is a content and happy soul WITHIN the temporary frame called body, which harbours her EVERLASTING soul.
For WHAT REASON would a woman rather focus on the EXTERNAL and NOT on the internal and spiritual growth? Mostly it is the result of emotional feelings of insecurity and low self esteem, because of peer group pressure, resulted from multi-media socialization and the money making industry.
PLEASE DO NOT MISUNDERSTAND: we are all guilty of spending much too much time AND money on our bodily attractiveness. Keeping the body well groomed, fit and healthy is ONE thing -- that includes toning of muscles by a fitness program and healthy diet, and reconstruction for HEALTH reasons. BUT: obsessively focusing on appearance is sinful and utterly vain.
We have become the victims of a sick society and the generations to come are and will pay -- on all levels.
How wonderful to experience the changes in my body: from the slim, energetic teenager, dancing away the hours, towards the young mother, breastfeeding her babies, towards the mature mother,always neat and attractive, towards the softly rounded and happy middle-aged woman, waiting for the older years, to be a wise grandmother, fit and healthy and still attractive and active, Godwilling and willing to work for God, until the soul returns to its Eternal Origin.
Let us all make a mindshift away from this empty and shallow and restrictive perspective of "beauty".
Thank you Danna, for this opportunity, and for a very well-written and well expressed poem.
Love
Myra
Edited on Nov 07, 2:33 p.m. because ''. -
i'm sorry, i think you misunderstood me- i meant that of all the models out there-- runway models are normally the ones who need to be unnaturally skinny, and of all the models we are exposed to, they are DEFINITELY the smalled majority. i don't remember the last time i was driving to work, and saw a billboard with a runway model strutting her skin and bones. the models we normally see are the everyday models in advertisements that are NOT usually runway models, and don't look like skeletons- i mean the models in ads in everyday magazines, the things we see all the time without even thinking about it. as far as your stats go, i know from experience. i'm 5'9, weigh 134 pounds, and my doctor has told me i'm perfectly within my healthy weight range for the small/medium build i have- 124-140 lbs. i'm thin, but i don't look unhealthy. a skinny build, 5'8 140lb woman is a healthy size, no where nearing anorexia.
i was just giving my observations on the topic, because although i don't the number to rattle off my head- i know its about 1 percent of adolescent girls (less for boys) that are anorexic, while about 30 percent are obsese, with obesity becoming and increasingly devastating epidemic. and those are just the adolescent stats. you can do some more research if you don't believe me- and don't get me wrong- i think that people starving themselves to look like a runway model or like some famous personw ho happens to be thinner than them is horrible--- but i dont think that ANY changes to look like someone else are a good thing. i didnt mean to insult your work, it was crafted well, gets a serious point across, and really does bring up a problem that should be continually fought against, just thought you might want to consider all the aspects of what you were writing about a little more, and take into consideration the changing image problems that we have. lets not argue, lets be friends. and keep on writing.
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I think you should change "a world" to "a life". Outside of that- I like it.
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No-one else responded to your statements, so I feel I must. This poem is not outdated or narrow. I did a little research before replying.
The average runway model is 5 ft 8 and weighs 108 pounds. By medical standards the only person who should weigh 108 pounds and be healthy is someone who stands between 4'10" and 5'1".
Let me say that again. The average runway model is 5'8" and weighs 108 pounds. The average woman, with a small frame, who is 5'8" weighs 140 pounds and is considered borderline unhealthy.
If Barbie were a real, she's be perfect for the runway, coming in at 5'9" and weighing 110 pounds.
Madrid is the only country to ban overly skinny models. Britain is looking to follow- but that's it. The majority of models strive for this look because it's the best way to get work.
Yes, there are all shapes and sizes of models.
But did you know, if Naomi Campbell were starting out today, she would currently be TOO FAT to be a run way model.
Aside from looking horrible, being that thin leads to all types of health problems. No periods, eating disorders, calcium loss, suseptability (sp?) to illness- those are just few.
The women in magazines are indeed a very small minority in the population, but they're the ones upheld to us and our daughters as role models for how to look.
I don't know where you got your information, but it's wrong.
Edited on Nov 06, 12:06 because ''. -
this.piece.is.amazing.
i love it.
absolutely love it.
incredible.write.
very, very well done.
i love the ending. -
How true this is - how sad this is that our society thinks skinny is beautiful! It is just skinny, and very unhealthy. Poor girls who purge, who dnot eat, and who suffer because of this. All trying to reach perfection, which does not exist!
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great piece with a wonderful message that reflects todays society. An ideal is just an ideal, to solve the problem we need to change our preceptions and ideals. Marilyn Monroe would be considered fat by todays standards and that is totally amazing. Great work! Bunny
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Ooh, I like it. The description of the woman is very good, and the ending was great
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Real women have curves!!!!
This is phenomenal. If you find ways to make this better, I would love to see them because this thing is already amazing.
"She is the yardstick
other women must stand against,
to be infected with insecurity."
Simply fabulous, and unfortunately honest. Women are held to extremely unfair expectations. How can we compare with someone on a diet of ice chips? --->pixxie<--- -
I love the third stanza! Yes the ideal woman to thin to bear anything but herself..lol..
A wonderfully written verse of societies expectations for women.
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very good
I was always under the impression that poetry was to make us feel, and to think. This one does. I agree when you say that these are the women shown to the public as the "ideal". We see them everywhere. They are not the average of our society.
I really liked how you did this. good job on this one. -
Thin but good..
An interesting piece, which I am sure a few models would love to discuss it with you during their lunch break (but only if you had twenty seconds to spare!)
Maybe it is me but I seem to have a problem with the word 'electricity' too many syllables or perhaps it doesn't quite work with music? -
This was an awesome write. It said so much about today's beauty obsessed society. I think you did a wonderful job and look forward to reading more of your work. DAMN that model in red is SUPER skinny!!!
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Danna
you talked a tough topic. This is a hard subject to press your opinion across and still not come across preachy and cliche', both of which you teetered on, but managed to stay out of.
I think the most interesting and fresh lines are Lines 6 and 7. Good work and thanks for sharing.
Jim -
not all models are skinny, and not all anorexic people are models. in fact, the overly skinny models are a fewer number that the everyday magazine, billboard, advertisement models- they are normally average sized women- and increasingly curvy women.
and anorexia is considered an illness. i think if you want to convey the overbearing pressure to look a certain way in society-- there are plenty of other ways to go about it. besides- i think skinny is pretty much out, since the world is getting ever more obsese as time goes on, and more overweight (women, especially) can be heard proudly admitting to their bigger bodies. skinnyout, rubanesquefashinable. apparently. i dont know, i think im just coming from a different perspective- but i feel like the idea behind this poem is a little outdated and pretty narrow. go with the idea of the perfect image and how we strive to look a certain way because thats the damn sad truth--- but those women lining the page next to your work definitely a very small majority of the population these days, those who want to look that sick, even smaller. -
Very true
This is awesome... I totally agree with the message it conveys! Very good poem! -
Danna Hobart~
Hey! If this is the rough draft I would love to see the finished copy. I like it, I think that it was nicely written and you can picture it happening. Keep on writing and I hope to see some more later.
~!~Manda~!~
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