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Citrus Love

Meandering through verdant orchids
in the heart of autumn,
I perched on the treetops
and saw you dancing naked.
Your leaves blushed pale
as if draped in mahogany robes.

Then they plunged towards the earth.

 

Intoxicated
by fresh-made orange juice,

that ran in your branches-

I stood on the horizon, waiting,

like a stagnant quill craving for inspiration

to steer it around the parchment,

and yet, quivering with excitement

over its next move. 

 

Amber rays escaped
from the outlines of my shadow
and searched for you
in all eternity.
I gave to you, the universe.

I've tasted love and hate,
both are citrus.
I'd like to taste love again,
and again and again.

One day when we shall meet
and kiss each other,
the sindhoor from my lips
shall smear upon your forehead,
and there will be a union.

I set into the corals at dusk
and rinse myself in the sparkling sea.
My fires are cleansed,
desires rust.
I will never be in love again.

At dawn,

there is a new fire,
a new life,
a new lover-
The Risen Sun!

Author notes

"One day when we shall meet
and kiss each other,
the vermillion from my lips
shall smear upon your forehead,
and there will be a union."-

In India, married women are supposed to wear vermillion on their foreheads. Smearing vermillion on the forehead is a ritual of marriage. Here, the sun kisses his beloved on her head, and vermillion from his lips is smeared over her, making them Man and Wife.




Written November 5th, 2006

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 22 of 22
  • SternBlinkin
    June 19
    Edit | Reply
    this is wonderious. I love it! Why? The flow was natural, and I was embraced by your words being wisked away in your imadry and word choice.
    Beautiful write


  • Bride Of Hate
    January 6

    Edit | Reply
    This is fabulous. The incredible imagery completely captured me from the very first line. I absolutely love the deeper meanings behind the words you have used. This is truly beautiful. Fantastic work!


  • salia noora
    July 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    really beautiful, could almost taste and smell the citrus juices and loved the love vibe and the sun kissing forehead.


  • Titus gold member
    July 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    You give this a nice citrus-y feel and a lovely fruity effect. Nice work!!!! Well done!!!


  • Foxydaze14
    May 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    It's very meaningful and creative. I like it a lot and enjoyed it. I give it a 7 out of 10

  • Ankeeta silver member
    May 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    OMG OMG OMG.......am checking your wrk after ages and it has so damn improved ............hugssss lil one

    this piece was amazing and delicious a bit lol. I really need to learn something from you buddy. the language flow and the style....mmmm ......its wow

    Keep going dude

    A


    • Raazi
      May 7, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanksies. Waise read my latest work..you'll like it. It's about a Gulmohar tree. Send me some poems of yours to read. I'm soooo "wela".

  • SternBlinkin
    May 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I enjoyed it very much. the richness of the meaning, the painting it conjured, the emotion of one's longing yet tainted, the culture from indian most might be unfamilar with (I personally have wondered about the things that get placed upon their forheads), freedom in the dance of life naked amongst nature, choice, and love.
    thank you
    namaste


    • Raazi
      May 4, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for those encouraging words.
      Namaste.


  • Autumns Soul
    April 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a great peice... I loved all the emotion and color in it...
    Thank you for entering and the best of luck in my contest


  • IAmAlreadyGone
    April 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow! one of ur best works.. how come maine pehle yeh nahi padhi?? good choice of words.. the simile's perfect too "like a stagnant quill craving for inspiration" >> good job!


  • FightOffYourDemons
    April 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I absolutely love all of the colors in this poem. It really brings it to life. It makes the imagery so much more amazing because it's like you can see and feel all of the things you are describing in color. I'm not even sure i am explaining it right but I just love it. This is such a beautiful and lively poem. Thank you for entering it

    nikki


  • Frodofan silver member
    November 10, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is so warm to me! I can really feel the warmth of a sun coming down on a beach.My favorite part had to be the part you explained in your author's comments. That's really neat. Thanks for voting me in also. You're a really nice guy.


  • Tangled Angle
    November 10, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Wow- this was brilliant- the way you used the shades, I could smell and taste the citrus, and I could feel the sweetness of love in the poem. This totally kicked butt.. Even when on black and white, I can still picture the colors in my mind. And I have to say the metaphors... those were your strong points. Imagery, and meaning- originality- you nailed it.


  • Raazi
    November 7, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    thanks a ton.


  • SurelyWritten
    November 6, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, I think I just read a poem written by the next teen idol! This is fantastic.. okay, so I'm biased because I love citrus.. still, this is wonderous!

    Well done, and best wishes,
    Shirley


  • Angels Delight
    November 6, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Udit...

    First thing let me thank you for sending me this link...

    This was simply amazing and a GOLD winning poem in my eyes...
    Your writing amazes me everyday and I am blessed that you shared this with me...

    Thank you
    Capture my heart with your words
    Tessa


  • wbiro gold member
    November 6, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    and there is Udit, drunk on orange slushies, yelling out for his love under a pumpkin sky!

    I'd try "hide", looks better than "hid", then you'd need "watch" instead of "watched"... or maybe "saw" and "hid", two three-letter words go together better... then you can keep the past-tense... or maybe two words with 'ed' at the end, like 'perched' and 'watched'... it's a bit awkward as is... maybe let the orange slushies 'course' through your blood... then you don't need the parenthesis and can keep the image going...

    never be in love again? you mean with another, I think!

    the "amber rays" stanza needs a bit of work- maybe get rid of the 'and'... and rather than search, a girl wants to receive... give her the universe!
    Edited on Nov 06 because ''.


  • Sonja
    November 6, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Very good written, with a lot of colors and adjectives used just at the right place. Autumn colors and feelings are very nice expressed:
    ~
    Walking in mango orchids
    in the heart of autumn,
    I hid behind treetops
    and watched you dancing nude.
    Leaves would turn pale
    and wear mahogany clothes
    before plunging down to earth.
    ~
    Thanks for all explanations in your Author's comment.
    ~Sonja~


  • Whispered Devotions
    November 5, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    WOW this was breathtaking. Honestly this is my favorite poem form you ever. You gave Orange such a new meaning, you brought it to life int he most beautiful way. The last two stanzas were my favorites. The background it awestriking by the way. I am sure you will come out on top with this gorgeous masterpiece. I am envious for I could not think of something this amazing.


    Amy


  • maa gold member
    November 5, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I have read the challenge and understood that you had to use synonyms for a particular color assigned to you. since your color was orange, the words you used to describe it are very original and appealing, plus you used more than the three required ones, another bonus.
    when I started reading your poem, I had a flash about the gopis watched by lord Krishna ... surprising, isn't it ?
    like usual, your poems are just amazing and truly beautiful, and I particularly appreciated your metaphor of vermillion smeared on the forehead of the beloved by the sun's kiss. and even the wonderful metaphor of your own name has been weaved into this colorful canvas in a marvelous way.
    thank you so much for such a treat.
    and the best of luck to you in this round of the contest.

    maa


  • cafegroundzero gold member
    November 5, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Orange you glad you used Dial?

    You do credit to orange! I would not have thought of such; it is attractive and interesting.

1 - 22 of 22