Cocoa colors,
spread upon naked landscapes
bends and curves,
through dark forest
over mountains,
to smooth Java columns,
roads dry and parched
yearning for thirst~
Rest...
beneath silken
shade,
of mango palate
reflect in pools
shimmering,
with hypnotic stars
hopelessly lost,
in Java dreams
but you no longer care~
Author notes
Written May 4th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Pre-Writes Galore by tears.of.silence.
400 points, ended May 18, 257 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 40 of 40
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"Beautifully written!!"
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Where do you find all these amazing pictures sis?? This is another wonderful imagery filled poem. I just love it. Good luck in the contest sweetie.
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Another beautiful write sis. Your imagery is wonderful and I love the picture you chose for this write.
Great job~~~Best wishes in the contest.
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You write the prettiest poems and find the best images to put on them... really a beauty here, most truly! Love the silken shade image you wrote in.
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Excellent
Wow, this is great. Such a terrific write. Best of luck in the contest.
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Ohhh this is lovely
Love,
Stacy
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Wonderful write sweetie, so full of imagery.
Well Done Sis....Best wishes in the contest
Bro
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aw sis this is beautiful such soft imagery andd feeling throughout good luck in the contestmaralisa
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I do like this, you've got some lovely images. The "Java" works very well to create a tie to the concrete world. My main criticsm would be to do with the structure...it's a little list-like. Maybe try using less line breaks? The poem will be shorter obviously but well, something for you to experiment with. One word lines are more effective the less of them you have. But yeah good stuff
.
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A magical piece. Filled with imagery. Great imaginations comes through here. Excellent.
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This was incredibly beautiful as are all your poems. You really know how to pull out the words and paint a beautiful picture with them. I love the regular picture as well it's gorgeous and enhances you work wonderfully.
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Very descriptive. Made me think of India for some reason. You paint a picture with your words. Very well done.
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I used to do delicate paintings using tea and coffee and sometimes whiskey and the pale sepia colors and the soft flow and textures was always pleasing to the eye much like this poem..and when they dried they also held a lingering odor of the liquid that created them..a signature of what was and has bvecome far more lovely...Artis
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Just beautiful.*****************
Look upon me angel fair,
Tell me that you see.
All your visions gather there,
In perfect harmony,
Beauty calls, and beauty hears,
And grace does ever bide.
One day when sorrow disappears,
May I walk there at your side? -
I, like Myra, found a bit of sadness and yearning in this write.. tho so beautifully expressed. Sometimes life gets the better of us and we do wonder why we spent so many hours/years bothering to care when it just falls to pieces. That's the sense I get here... but, thankfully those moments fade and we can once again see the beauty... An excellent write Susan..with a wonderful picture to accompany the ambience of this piece!!! Beautifully done!!!
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Brilliant!!!
Blushful Moon...Tremendous poem!!! Your imagery is just brilliant and so beautiful. This is a poem that just consumes you once you start reading it. I like the place where you take us, the journey into beauty so wondrous that nothing else can compare. ***Ivy Rose
Edited on May 10, 1:39 because ''. -
This is deceptively serene, I feel. The truth of what lies hidden under the 'silken shade' comes out in the end...What a powerful write of seeming simplicity!
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It reminds me of the tarot card the four of Swords...Replenishing energy and healing...a time of quiet. It's a merging with Oneness..a time of renewal and regeneration. There is a sadness within the energy but also a lettinging go. In time you will awaken from the numbness and find you are grown beyond the pain, and are stronger and healed.
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I really liked this susan, beautifully described, very awesome imagery, and it flowed so nicely:)
but I don't understand "Java columns" and "Java dreams"...maybe I just have never heard them before, but I don't understand them...
kayla* -
excellent!
totally awesome. beautiful words and images. creative style. i was there in the piece! great job!
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Beautiful sorrow ... A dreamstate of tranquillity, serene in its description ... and then the exit line:
"but you no longer care"
Indifference? Detachment? It leaves the reader (me) with a vague feeling of sadness. I know the feeling - to no longer care. There were traumatic times in my life that all the beauty in the world could not move me; it was as if the sun itself turned black. There were times when I felt so tired, that I could hardly breath. Then I did no longer care. There were times when someone near me was very ill, then I did not care ... whether I had something to eat or whether I had some sleep or whether the plants are watered or whether the doves waited outside for their bread crumbs ... Is this the state of mind your poem wanted to bring over?
Thank you, Susan, for your words. It really did make me sit down a while ... to care.
Love you.
Hugs, Myra
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coffee!
wow i really like it...it kind of makes me think about coffee...hmmm...maybe its just because of the fact that somepeople in my class are going to buy us some right now...oh well i really like the imagery here. and i love the pic!
l8erz
~*~ Sarah ~*~ -
do not touch
Susan , such a beautiful write ..wonderful imagery , but I have to say the last line threw me for a loop
Reenie
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hmmmm... like a caffeine high slowly working into effect! lol... Me likies! Purdy pic
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How peaceful this seems, so blissful, yet impossible, which makes it so much more attractive. Dreamscapes, landscapes of our minds, lunar and wonderful.
~~whims -
Oh again Susan you sooth me with your words. Wonderful picture you paint with your words you would not even need the beautiful photo. I do that though as well. I wish you but best sweetie, you are such a gentle spirit.
Red -
I loved the way this one flowed and the artwork is also wonderful- it it yours as well?? This is a lovely poem to leave the site for the evening ......I appreciate your artistry.
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Beautiful imagery Susan .... Wonderfully put together to make this 'chocolate' dream of a poem ....
Your muse has obviously not deserted you ....
Take every care dear friend,
Sammy
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Such beautiful images, Susan... you got me craving chocolate though... LOL.:)
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hopelessly lost in Jave dreams
oh Susan this is truly lovely
/ff//ff
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Beautiful intil the last line
that made me feel a little sad
Like a love that was missing
from the heart that wrote it
they were no longer there to
share the beauty of it all
Sure hope you doing alright Hon*
I know your going through some
rough times..just wanted you to
know i'm thinking of You!
Love and BIG HuGS to Youuuu ~ Mina
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AWESOME write that you have here I love every single word of it this was just asolutely icredible I think that you will have to put the as one of your best thank you so very much for shareing it
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Excellent! Enjoyed the read!
Loved this, Sis! Beautiful pic', nicely written poem!
Love Ya!
< 3 Maureen
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^_^
Wow..It's starts off great! Then, as it goes on, it gets better! Wonderful job! The picture, at first I thought didn't fit, but when I was done I see it did. Another excellent piece! -
Creative use of Java columns and Java dreams. Vivid imagery and I love the picture. A wonderful effect. Nice work, Susan
~Kathy -
this is incredible... and the pic is wonderful too!
amazing write you've done here, susan!
Love and Light
Mike -
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, Susan, this is sooooooooo beautiful!!!!!!!!!!:):) Truly amazing, and your words are just so hypnotic:)
Love the picture:)
Love you,
Karen
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I love this!!!! The picture is very pretty and I can see the relation to the poem very clearly! I do have a craving for coffee now though....LOL
Seriously though, your imagery was wonderful!!!!!!! ~Laura -
It paints a wonderful picture. Wistful but with a bit of whimsy, but still maintaining a strong visual and keeping up with the word flow.
I believe this is one of my favorites.
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This has strong images, and a strong, lament to it...
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