I woke up this morning feeling nothing but despair.
I opened my dresser door to see if my 45 were still there.
I shook my head in defiance, fighting thoughts, and went on with my day.
This feeling is strong and trying desperately to take hold
Feelings of isolation, living with a curse.
Calm settles in with the thought of lifelessness,
The jagged edge of the knife nearby calls out to me.
"Shut up"…"shut up!!", I won’t give up!!
Damn voices, I wish they would stop! I’m fighting this demon with all I have.
Keep busy, yeah... That’s what I will do. Try to drown out these damn voices!
I stand dazed at the kitchen sink captured in confusion.
I'm so damn lost! All these voices.
Screaming... yelling... pushing me to the edge, despair pays another visit.
Consumed and tormented by the voices in my head, the feeling of death knocking at my door.
Shutting down, lost in what is right or wrong
CRACK! The glass goes cutting my hand.
Look,
Cathy…
You're bleeding.
DAMN!
Stop the bleeding if I can.
The pain is bad.
Wait!
No voices yelling, calling my name, then I hear…
They’re whispering.
NO this can't be!
Because I am bleeding... feeling pain, they are now held at bay?
I have to shake it off, pull it together, I'll be fine.
Collapsing into my couch in a cold sweat, the anxiety reaches ease.
No more blood, It’ll be ok.
Cathy…
What?
They're back... the voices are back! I drop to my knees and plead.
Them damn voices are back, louder than before.
It needs to stop.
NO NO NO PLEASE JUST GO AWAY!
STOP DAMN IT!
Just stop.
Please just go away...
I open my dresser door.
Yes Cathy, that's it.
This will take it all away.
BANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author notes
This is what I went through last summer. As you can see I did not go through with it.
Voices in a sucidal persons head is not a good thing and I believe this is what they go through before that final moment. I know I did and I failed. I am glad I did fail. My kids are my everything they are who i live for.
I also want to thank Soulfultia and SekritlyCharmed for helping correct my grammer and punuation errors on here they have been a big help. Just shows I need to slow down when I write. And Pay attention to the little things that can make a Big Impact.
Written November 3rd, 2006
A contest entry
- Dark or Depressing by Poet-of-the-shadows.
375 points, ended December 10, 2006, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your best by Teesa.
300 points, ended February 22, 2007, 67 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think?
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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I'm glad you didn't succeed!
~Sarah
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WOW, I think that this is one of the best expressive poems in all poetry. I felt all of the emotion, and you used so many elements that go into a short story, this is what I really enjoyed about it. That and the fact that you got better. Great ending, although, it is not the end; your life has just begun.
*hugs*
I know that you wrote this a while back and I am just known getting to it. Life has a way of placing barriers in our life; some have much more than anyone should ever have to deal with. I feel your pain, all of it. I also had an experience a couple of Christmas ago with attempted suicide; thankfully, I was not successful either. I think that now that a new life has been revealed to us, we could never forget the past and how much we have overcome; this will help us to continue moving forward.
Anytime you need to talk, about anything,
I am always around. Email is what I check most often. I also suffer from chronic depression and must take medication for it. I think I always will, or at least until I find my children.
Thanks again for posting this terrific write. You are very talented. Cherish all the moments with your family, and remember you can PERSEVERE!
Best of luck always,
Katina
katinawoodruff740@yahoo.com
www.onestopwritshop.com
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Your anguish comes through very clearly in this write. I'm so glad you got through it for the sake of your children. As you said in your author comment the little thisngs are important and we should slow down and pay attention to them instead of getting caught up in the big issues.
This is an excellent write, and you are wonderful to have worked through it so well.
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Well i was reading this and thought you were talking about yourself and then read the comment about it. It is good that it did notj happen to you lol Good write I am sure that they go through something before that moment but I have never been there. Although life gets depressing I just keep living it to the best of my ability. Keep up the good work and think positive lol Great write!
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It is about me in a way. I almost let those voices take control and I won not them. I still fight with them everyday I wrote this because I felt that were other that would understand what I was saying. Depression and voices dont mix. I am better now thank you for reading
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A Creative Spin
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Yes it is scattered and its suppose to be written like that. When you fight with the veryday emotions and depression Nothing seems normal its all scattered and your lost and confused. Thanks for commenting.
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Thank you for the comment. I will try and getto read some of your work later this week. If I dont get to you just msg me and remind me please. I get busy with my kids and it takes alot out of me.
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Wow this was so storng and powerful that it give a blast to the reader absorbing the words. Fantastic written The emotions in this piece were breathtaking Herman
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I loved it sanity loss spiraling downwards to a climax great write ^_^
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gawd this is sooo good~
i am liking your style soo much~ gawd...
the emotion and the keep of rhythem... wow
good luck and all of that. -
This was so much better than one of these stupid soap operas that seem to go on forever.DAMN! this was amazing you had me hooked,i love your style it's absolutely amazing.You deserve an applaud.Am gonna read this again,lol
*Amy* -
Pretty good
I liked the resistance to the death, and the flow of this work was quite interesting. Somedays it's Hell, somedays it's Heaven. Well done, quite an enveloping read. -
i love this... it's addicting.
great rhythm, emotion.
good luck in the contest!!!!! -
i feel like you're scattered here...the piece is good, but you should work on cohesiveness. there are several parts that are really wonderful, but i feel like they're lost in the clutter.
love,
rebecca -
wow, this is really good. i like the story quality to this poem. its intersting how you have formed the charater and the isolation. very enjoyable read. keep up the great work
starlockx -
Yes that it is. Im glad you liked it and thanks for reading it..
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well damn was better then what I origanly used and i dont think that would have gone to well. I wish I could but in this write it makes a statement. Thanks for reading it and i an glad it got your attention
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Intense and a great piece of work!
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There are many feelings in this piece. I enjoyed reading this and it was very suspenseful in a way that I absolutely had to finish it! It jumped out at me and grabbed me, I couldn't get away from it! (Although I think you should slow down on the word "damn") Good job on this piece and good luck in the contest!
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Life is an uphill battle. I am glad I cought your attention.. Thank your for commenting.
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Then the poem did what it was suppose to do. Thank you. Alot of personal feelings went into this and it amazed me I think this is my best work yet. Thank you
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I found this poem riveting - i couldn't stop reading, it had me hooked. The rhythm is fantastic, you have done that perfectly. I liked the mention of fighting despair; most poets just write about sinking into it, which isn't realistic. Well done.
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You had me captivated, and on the edge of my seat, mama told me there'd be days like this..damn...
You have a way with expressing yourself, and it's good. Pen on poet. 
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awsome
first of good luck in the contest
second this is friken awsome
third this is great, you are an awsome poet, i love this one, i hope i get to read more by you in the future, if they ara as good as this one, i will ahve fun,lol
keep it up
ttyl
~Ra~ -
That is so true. Life is a struggle. I can say this came from some of the same feelings I go through every day. No I would never do that my kids need me to much. I am Glad you liked it.
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Interesting form... Interesting idea. It suffers only from an abundance of grammatical mistakes... I count 10 just from the first read through. If you'd like me to help you catch them, feel free to IM me and I'll give you my AIM or msn names.
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Thank alot. I accomplished what I wanted to do. Had some help from Soulfultia correcting some Grammer error. and it turned out nicely.
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Intense!
This is a riveting piece. The intensity and drama
is absolutely shocking. It captivates the reader as
they are taken on a journey of almost insanity.
These emotions are more common than people would believe.
The stress of life has us all pulling our hair out one
time or another. The disappointments in life add to the
daily frustration of living. Life was so simple before
we grew up and had to take responsibility. Nothing in
life is gauranteed. We have to be strong and forge
forward in order to secure any kind of happiness and
fullfillment. This was a reminder to us all just how
challenging life is sometimes. Good work. -
keep on rockin'
Oh wow. This is so completely amazing. I am left in awe by this! The imagery is so wonderful! I could practically see all of this happening, and you made me feel her emotions! This is wonder. I completely enjoyed this piece. Thank you for sharing. -
I fixed what I could with the help of a freind and I am not sure what else needs to be done. If you have any tips on how to rewrite some sentences please help. I read it and reread it and I still cant see whats missing.
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I love the struggle the poem takes the reader through. How the narrator speaks in a third/first person way. Good Job.
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I did take it through the spelling and grammer check and it said there were no corrections to be made. So I will run it through Mine and see what I can do to get it to read better. Thanks for the input. Nice to have other eyes.
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Thank you for commenting It was odd for me but I think it came out pretty good.
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Intriguing
It is an intriguing write with the concept of suicide taking hold to erase the pain and anguish living within. You had a message and delivered it.
I believe you need to take this through a spell and grammer check, "damn vs. dam" is just one. Somewhere around the 30th line should read "than vs then" and sweetie there are many places screaming for puncuation. I am not an english major and would not hit them all, so you might want to certainly have at the minimum, somone read this over who could help you out in that department. It is an intriguing write and worth tweeking.
Thanks for sharing this piece with us and I wish you luck in the contest! ~Tia -
Yes, sometimes when one starts writing we know not how the poem is going to end. It's like the words have a will of their own and just appear on the page or screen. Think we feel like this some days, when nothing seems to go right, and we wish it would just all go away.
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