We stood tall,
leaf against leaf,
branch in branch
twisting the events of the day
over and over.
We would happily weave our roots
through these fertile soils--
these fertile minds.
We stretched our verdant fingers
wide against the soft winds.
We watched and we waited.
We were the dyke;
the archive-- waiting to be tapped.
We were the thirst
that could not be quenched.
Who would drink from us?
We swayed in unison
glimpsing offshoots of our futures.
There would be much turmoil to come.
Our roots knotted themselves
together tighter and tighter.
We cast our ominous, darkening shadows
out longer and longer,
Sol slowly turned his back on us
and steadily crept away.
Together we would face the darkness.
We waited and we watched--
We waited and we watched.
Author notes
some first thoughts of the twin trees (Gelon and Nyan) upon their discovery of the firstborn.
Written November 3rd, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Is your writing publishable? by Danna Hobart.
300 points, ended November 7, 2006, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite me! ~~ One day only ~~ 500 points to Gold, will be judged tomorrow. by Naridill.
625 points, ended September 28, 2007, 145 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Branches Full of Life by Carpe Noctem.
450 points, ended February 23, 2008, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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I like the tone and style of writing you choose to use.
good metaphor and flow of it all
Danna Hobart in a hard character to please so be proud of the trophy you did receive.
you have a great knack for a writer's ability
so let the ink fall till the pen runs dry
Tamara
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Amazing piece. I can't believe it didn't get better standings in the contests. I love the tone and creativity in the poem - it's definitely one of a kind.
The strong Romanticism in the work is outstanding and tastefully done. You kept well to the metaphor, which made all the emotion stand out even more.
This shows wonderfully the evolution of a relationship, or just life in general. The poem is very upbeat and it leaves the reader, with a calm sedated feeling.
Great work.
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I adore the ending to this. a very strong, captivating piece. i enjoyed it.
~ wendy -
Together we would face the darkness.
We waited and we watched--
We waited and we watched.
a restless conclusion and wonderful image of the heart revealing the various aspects and the immageries of revealationto brings the thought provoking story over the surface..the sentiments have been placed so smooth and in so beautiful way of expression..it touches the heart at various places
and knocks the door of the soul of the readers as well..Indeed a great heartfelt poem is here..
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What a novel and imaginative concept!
Trees are high on my list of desirable things and I like what you have done here. I love the idea that trees have souls...
"Within each plant there is ceaseless activity
as purposive as that in an animal. Many of
them share hormones that are remarkably
similar to our own. Their senses are
sophisticated: some can detect the lightest
touch (better than the sensitivity of the
human fingertips), and they all have a sense
of vision..."
Beautifully written and presented.
~ fox
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I like this, casts alot of creativity within it, definately a seemingly need to add more or read more, such beautiful word play.
Much luck -
what an amazing write... i love the image of the weaving throughout. i could almost feel the poem winding down as to the root of the poem. the repetition of the last line is powerful here- it shows the ultimate message of the piece. great job...
-cassidy
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I thought this was wonderful. Adding the description of who Gelon and Nyan are helps alot. It makes for a more intimate relation between poem and reader.
Perhaps it would better to place a short description above the poem? Maybe something like:
Gelon and Nyan
Twin Trees of Enlightenment
Just a suggestion...either way it's a nice write. -
FYI
I been working on a sc-fi/fantasy novel for a few years now:
Gelon and Nyan are the twin trees of enlightenment brought to the planet Areth (the alter earth) created by Raeben, one of a powerful race of beings known as The Clan Destined. The twin trees were meant to be mentors for mankind (referred to as the firstborn) upon Areth but Raeben's designs were never fully realized. He was deceived by the Wizardking Ramule who used Raeben's designs to try to re-incarnate his wife Mytya, the witchgoddess. Unfortunately for Ramule she proved too powerful a force for the life-christening tears of the clandestine and she became trapped inside the womb of Areth. In her anger and frustration she corrupted the newly forming entities of the firstborn mixing the attributes of man with his other would-be mentors. It wasn't long before 'the womb of areth' became referred to as 'the pit of areth' (my novel's title and why I am 'poems from the pit' here). And that's pretty much the synopsis of my prologue as this is where the story begins....
I love trees. In my former life I made a living off cutting them down. Perhaps now I can make amends by allowing them (at least in my novel) to become collosal entities as the keepers and archivers of the all knowledge within the universes.
Sorry for the long windedness. I can't help it, Kj -
This was a good piece.I have never heard of gaylon and nyan ???
any-way anything about nature is all good to me.
from Tracey. -
WONDERFULLY WRITTEN!
A brilliant exhibition of nature, illusion, and smooth flowing beauty!
We stood tall,
leaf against leaf,
branch in branch
twisting the events of the day
over and over.
We would happily weave our roots
through these fertile soils--
these fertile minds.
I have to add you to my favorites after reading one poem. This is the style I enjoy reading the most. Love the flow, the short sentences, the rich sense of nature, and hope.
Wonderful write.
Thanks!
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