I sprang to the stirrup, and Joris, and he;
I galloped, Dirck galloped, we galloped all three;
We galloped and galloped, oh Lord how we galloped,
We galloped like billy-oh over the lea.
My steed gave a whinny, Dirck’s ass gave a bray,
As Joris, who rode in the van, cried “I say,
Three riders are galloping – My, how they gallop! –
They gallop like anything, heading this way!”
We held up our gauntlets and shouted halloo,
Demanded “Whence from, lads, and whither go you
Flat out at a gallop? Good grief how you gallop!
Oh please stop your galloping, good gallants, do!”
They reined to a halt and exclaimed, “Mercy sakes!
We’re three men of Ghent, all redoubtable rakes,
Who’ve galloped and galloped and jolly-well galloped,
a-bringing good news to the burghers of Aix!”
We cried, “We’re from Aachen – that’s Aix-la-Chapelle –
And we have glad tidings a-plenty as well.
We’ve galloped and galloped, right manfully galloped –
Supposed to reach Ghent by the Angelus bell!”
One rider from Ghent, with a beard like a Turk,
Said, “Though I’m not known as the fellow to shirk
A jolly good gallop – I love a good gallop –
It seems all this galloping’s double the work!”
I wanted to answer, but Joris said, “We
Could all turn around and be back home for tea.
Oh why don’t we gallop – a rattling gallop –
Let’s all gallop back and have several hours free!
We’ll take up each other’s work; nothing will daunt
The six jolly gallopers out on a jaunt.
Let’s gallop and gallop, mon dieu how we’ll gallop,
We three back to Aachen and you lot to Gaunt.” [1]
I sprang to the stirrup; with whip-cracks and kicks
I galloped, Dirck galloped, we galloped all six!
We galloped and galloped, oh Lord how we galloped,
Past such rustic nonsense as hen-coops and ricks.
We galloped to Aix as the rush hour was near,
No thoughts in our minds save for pork pies and beer.
We galloped and slavered – my word how we slavered –
For pork pies and barmaids and lots of good cheer.
We reached a fine inn, and Dirck could not refuse
To galumph right in for a tray-load of booze.
He galumphed for wallop, for gallons of wallop,
And Joris said, “Hey! What about the good news?”
I muttered to Dirck, and then Joris conferred –
The subject? The substance? And so we concurred
We’d galloped and galloped, all bloody day galloped,
But of the good news had forgot every word!
I spoke to the subject: “We’ll gallop to Ghent
The very same way that the other chaps went.
We’ll gallop and gallop, bejabers we’ll gallop!”
But Dirck said, “You’re barmy – our horses are spent!”
I raised my pint Bierstein, and Joris said, “We
Can do that tomorrow. The evening’s still free
To swallow our wallop. Tomorrow we’ll gallop…
…to whatsitsname… billy-oh… over the lea!”
Author notes
I have always wanted to murder Robert Browning - now seemed as good a time as any!
Footnote [1]: "Gaunt", as in "John of Gaunt", is another way of saying "Ghent".
Written November 3rd, 2006
Prewrite in Jonathan Robin's Parody contest. Here's my new poem: http://allpoetry.com/poem/2550450
In a list
A contest entry
- PARODY and/or HUMOR Contest by Jonathan ROBIN.
700 points, ended February 5, 2007, 24 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - #134 Make us laugh by daviscth.
300 points, ends September 9, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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LOL!!! I'm so happy I didn't have to read this out loud!!! Thank you so much for the wonderul laugh. This is awesome.
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I am glad you liked it. Although I wrote it, I can't read it out either; but a friend of mine does it so brilliantly (as his "party piece") that even I laugh.
I suppose it works best if you know Robert Browning's original. When I was young almost everyone seemed to know the first two lines at least.
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That is utterly fantastic, triplet rhyme always tickles my fancy, and lampooning others is almost as enjoyable. Mix them together for a complete winner.
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I thought you might like it.
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Walloping Galloping
When next you go galloping fast through the town
Please take time to write the damned message all down
For Biersteins and such naughty walloping habits
Reduce every brain to the size of a rabbit's
And simple mnemonics are never enough
When it comes to Good News and such earth-shaking stuff
Have some applause. You deserve it after all that galloping.
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Hey thanks, Keith! {clashing Bierstiens} I have always wanted to do this to Browning. I confess it isn't a straight parody, becase it extends the galloping rhythm in order to lampoon it, and thereby steps out of Browning's own metre, but I had fun with it.
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A....Musing
Parody
http://allpoetry.com/poem/2558456
There are several parodies that I have not have time to enter into my collection - if and when you discover them enjoy !
SEAMAN Sir Owen 1861_1936
The Guineas
I sprang to the saddle, and Doris and she,
SWINEHOE R.
April
"When that Aprille with hys showres swoote"
_________
How They Brought the Bad News From Geneva to Addis Ababa
They sprang into action a peace to contrive;
The Council, the League, the Committee of Five;
“Good speed !” cried the Parties of pacifist views;
“Speed !” echoed the members with nothing to lose;
The Assembly applauded goodwill to attest,
As they scourged the aggressor and soothed the aggressed.
The League of all Nations in lofty debate
Foretold abyssinia saved from her fate;
hey shuddered and shrank at the rumour of war,
For they loved empire well, but the Covenant more,
While the victim proposed they might well intervene
Under Articles 20 or 10 or 16.
While Laval looked to Hoare and Hoare looked to Laval
To sanction joint Sanctions or shut the Canal,
While the Five with acute international tact
Offered protocol, treaty, agreement or pact,
And ministers ended preambles sublime
With “Let us do nothing while yet there is time !”
Up leaped then at Addis Ababa the sun !
The States from commitments drew back every one.
Each eyeing his nearest next neighbour askance
In the shock and surprise of the Fascist advance,
And the Negus, bamboozled, marched down to receive a
Report from Il Duce on News from Geneva.
Sagittarius September 1935
KATZIN Olga Miller 1896_198
HOW I BROUGHT THE GOOD NEWS FROM AIX TO GHENT (OR VICE VERSA)
RJ Yeatman & W C Sellar
I sprang to the rollocks and Jorrocks and me
And I galloped, you galloped, we galloped all three...
Not a word to each other; we kept changing place,
Neck to neck, back to front, ear to ear, face to face;
And we yelled once or twice, when we heard a clock chime,
'Would you kindly oblige us, Is that the right time?'
As I galloped, you galloped, we galloped, ye galloped they too have galloped; let us trot.
I unsaddled the saddled, unbuckled the bit,
Unshackled the bridle (the thing didn't fit)
And ungalloped, ungalloped, ungalloped,ungalloped a bit.
Then I cast off my bluff-coat, let my bowler hat fall,
Took off both my boots and my trousers and all -
Drank off my stirrup-cup, felt a bit tight,
And unbridled the saddle, it still wasn't right.
Then all I remember is, things reeling round
As I sat with my head 'twixt my knees on the ground -
For imagine my shame when asked what I meant
And I had to confess that I'd been, gone and went
And forgotten the news I was bringing to Ghent,
Though I'd galloped and galloped and galloped and galloped and galloped
And galloped and galloped and galloped. (Had I not would I have been galloped?)
ENVOI
So, I sprang to a taxi and shouted 'To Aix!'
And he blew on his horn and he threw off his brakes,
And all the way back till my money was spent
We rattled and rattled and rattled and rattled and rattled
And rattled and rattled -
And eventually sent a telegram.
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Ah.. I see I merit the sound of one hand clapping!
By the way, good old Yeatman and Sellar - kept me amused during my childhood and gave me a love of history.
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Yeah, this is hilarious. Try entering it in Jonathon ROBIN's contest for parodies that's going on now
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Thank you, ea. I thought RB could do with a bit of a whack with the grave-robber's spade! I'll go looking for JR's contest, and see if he takes pre-writes.
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Hugh, I dug him up, revived him, and then bashed him with the shovel. Didn't do any good - we poets are immortal, it appears.
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Dear Mairi,
Like you, that particular poem of Robert the Browning makes me slightly nauseous but I am still grateful to him for inspiring Elizabeth to some of the most beautiful love poetry ever written and I confess to being a great fan of "Dream Children".
Anyway, you can't murder a dead poet.
It looks as though your sextet had a great gallop.
Good on yer, mate! Apploause for a witty, entertaining write.
Love and hugs, XXX Hugh. -
Thank you MA... but did you laugh?
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epic! this was a very good poem!
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Y'know, Bazza - I kinda thought this one would be somewhere up your street. Glad it was fun.
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Incredible
Absolutely amazing and so different with so much life and action built in . Need to ponder on some of the words you have used but that's half the fun. -
I'm not going to take it back! Robert Browning's original poem is one which has always driven me crazy!
I am so glad you liked this.
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Mage, it's a gift ... Thank you.
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What an adventure you take us on with in this amazing piece!!!!!! But come now, thoughts of murder, a bit harsh is that not? But then again, one that has crossed everyones minds at one time or another I am sure!!!!!!! Marvelous job on this wonderful write!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Abdul Tawala Ibn Ali Alishtari
You did your task
and may I ask
how did you know
to tickle me so.
Abdul Tawala Ibn Ali Alishtari -
{curtseys (or rather, bows) to Melodies, with a big grin on her face.}
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Well, then... I shall not say "bravo" either, but if there is another word better than that, insert it where I put this rose
for that is what I would like to give you, anyway! A big bouquet of roses for this highly entertaining adventure poem! ;f 
Write on, fine poetess!
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Michael, for this poem I'm dressed to look like Robert Browning, so I'll accept it
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Simply an amazing, stunning piece of poetry...I'd say "Bravo" but I know how you so dislike the word...
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You have a wicked ol' mum, desi.
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now mum...thoughts of murder? LOL...and yes.. i did want to laugh... ...love desi
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