you know
all walls around me
are now simply doorless
neither I can leave
nor you can enter
I just did it myself
deliberately
I thought that no body should know
that I am alone
now I have decided not to share
my heart with a human being
because
I have lost all my hopes
although I kept the roof
to the top of the four walls open
for the snow to hug me
turning me too into a piece of snow
it is a tip
to you as well
I wish if you use
the manner of my roof
of entering my room
this snow must know it
transforming to you too
into the piece of snow with me
until the next summer...
Author notes
Based on option...
*kablauie* write me a poem in grief of a mind that has closed and once was opened. Make me sympathetic. I want to know that when you wrote this you could've been crying (even if you weren't).
A contest entry
- Sympathy for the Death of an Open Mind by laughingstock.
825 points, ended March 10, 2007, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Summer love by Myjoy.
475 points, ended March 23, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Nice a great visaul and full of longing and love.
Not what I am looking for but a wonderful emtional write. -
Excellent
This is a good poem. A great poem. This is exactly what I was looking for with *kablauie*. And that should fare well for you shouldn't it? Well, first things first, I can't say that it will. But second, I can say that this has excellent imagery. And perfect conveyance of emotion. You should be proud of this piece. Nice use of the cold in this piece. I don't think that the isolation of a mind can be expressed any better than with a reference to the cold. Nice work, and thanks for entering my contest. Good luck. -
this was an okay piece. it had a nice flow and interrupting stanza's and awkward word use (much like Emily). keep up the good work.
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I love it! Great write!
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Dear friend, I am but a piece of snow for you. This was a sad, melancholy song to my ears but the imagery of the gentle snow softened it. Very lovely in a sad sort of way.
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Outstanding poem
Great write my friend I really see the metaphor of the roof being the opening for the snow to enter and causing a transformation, just like in the mind itself having a chance to change it's thought pattern how outstanding... Good luck in the contest. -
I beleive you have a message in here, I am afraid, I just did not get it in this write. I was distracted...but by what in the write, I can not put my finger on, I read it twice. I just did not feel a flow in this, but thank you for sharing your work. I might be having an off night or something, but I did not want to click and not comment. Good luck with your piece and I certainly hope some readers connect with it. I have read some of your other work and know I have connected with it... who knows. Keep writing and sharing and I shall keep reading poet, ~Tia
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Gorgeous imagery and the four walls part was superb
~Helan
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I really like this..the clipped brevity of the lines, and the play on walls that isn't quite like other poems I have read with the same theme. I love the idea of becoming snow to hug you, thats beautiful.
Good luck in the contest.
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1 - 10 of 10
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