Quiet, but murmuring the midnight's due,
You sing a lilting lullaby-
High; some winter plateau,
So snowy-soft and tree-lined: I
Imagine sleeping squirrels lie like you
Maple-warm, russet glow
Know this: if
You awaken
All the world will not have changed
Ranged dust-white feathered sheets could not imbue
Such fraught heat. Your notes harmonise,
Skylines shatter, storms blow
December brings its alibi:
Hibernation's chorus - all you ever knew
Fades in sleep's undertow
Slowly drift-
The wind, shaking
Tuned to you; no longer strange
Arranged in lines of bark and resin-blood
Shudder tonight, and dream of maple buds
Author notes
Sometimes, if my cello isn't in its case at night, the strings sound quietly - like it's dreaming.
But yes, this is a love poem as well.
Written November 3rd, 2006
A contest entry
- Individualtean by ian sawicki.
300 points, ended November 4, 2006, 2 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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The notion of your cello dreaming is so compelling; did you ever do something more direct with that?
Something with the notion of the murmers of a lover sleeping...
I play french horn and love the cello. I think of people as having characteristics in personality, life experience and learning styles as comparable to the instruments of an orchestra. Can a flute talk the language of the string bass?
But when we each sing our song in harmony, sensitive to our own time, the result is miraculously beautiful. -
Thank you
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Outstanding
I liked all the nature imagery in this poem and how you have so beautifully described the landscape. I thought this poem was one of the best I have read recently with a simple flow and a lot of poetry hidden away. -
Thank you - I'm glad you enjoyed it
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Wonderful Piece
I loved the imagery... this is one of those poems that is beautiful in the words alone. I'm kind of a fanatic for words that are very rich and descriptive and your piece was full of lovely language. Thank you for the opportunity to read such a well written work. -
I understand entirely (in a couple of weeks I'll be taking the same approach, otherwise my degree will disappear down the tube...), and thank you for the applause
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Sorry, I don't comment on contest poems for reasons explained in Wyleian Sonnet CLXXI but I applaud this.
Regards, Hugh. -
Very well done friend, I only read this version and it is bang on, Brilliant! Paul
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A lovely poem, truly, and I so much enjoy the nature words throughout, tied in with music and love. Really sweet!
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I'm honoured! Once again, thank you
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it's all good now and this stands an excellent chance of the top prize. all depending on future entries and what is wrong or right on first submission
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You are, in fact, spot on. I think I have it. Thank you
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well i think 'ranged dust-like actually would sound better than ranging
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ranging is ok yes for then you are still keeping to the sound of change/d it does not have to be exactly stressed.
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Aha - just when you thought I'd stop asking questions - how well does 'Ranging dust-white blankets cannot imbue' work for you?
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there is plenty of time yet to edit as i said before though this is really good for your first attempt, there is only that section that needs altering
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Fair enough, it might take a little longer to fix then
Bear with me on this...
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no sorry
it must rhyme with changed - so anything like strange or arrange or deranged etc saying no ranging is moving the wrap one place forward so it is no longer a wrap-rhyme
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Would you accept 'No ranging feathered blanket...' (bearing in mind the stress falls on 'range') there, or would you prefer it to be the first syllable which contains the rhyme?
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yeah just looking there, the second one is fine you just need to alter the first one and it will be sorted
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Nuts, how did I miss that? I probably didn't pay close enough attention to the rules The second 3-liner does rhyme though (tow/slow). Thanks for the heads up on that - I'll fix it.
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All the world will not have changed
No dust-white feathered blanket could imbue
no dust - the beginning line here must rhyme with changed the end line of the previous verse. that also applies to the second three lined verse
other than that i see no other places where it is wrong and this is a great first effort. you just need to edit and tweak to get those two three lined stanzas right.
i thank you kindly for entering your poetic piece and good luck to you in this contest - spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
Adding your comment:
1 - 22 of 22
5 old applause
