I paint my life, this dull affair
on canvas of emotions bare,
in muted shades of lonesome toil
where terrors trip and worries boil.
My psyche bald with bland appeal
impassiveness the reining feel,
a flat-lined pulse, a vapid fire
insipid trails of damped desires.
My will to want for nothing more
than hollowness that silence bore
a limpness spreading, drumming numb
to tempt my soul to fade, succumb.
A human urn of doubt poured out
o'er withered corpse amidst a drought,
the atmosphere grown dreary dull
all beauty fallen ashen, pall.
I dance in step with naked pen
not only once, but often when
I envy those who weep so low
and those who've died by Cupid's bow...
and know the depths of life I'll never know.
Author notes
Written November 2nd, 2006
A contest entry
- The Factor Finals Round 3 by Frodofan.
300 points, ended November 9, 2006, 19 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme and Flow part 9 Feelings - 50,000 points series by cricketjeff.
4000 points, ended September 7, 2008, 50 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Delectable iambic tetrameter (and a pentameter tag-on to finish)
Lots of thought and depth here and a really enjoyable read.
Thanks for a couple of really good entries and we hope you will enter our finale.
All the best
Jeff and Sue.
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Unsurpassed piece of work!
All the best with the contest.
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Magnificent!!
Congratulations on Your win Genie
Magnificent Masterpiece You have weaved!!
Love the rhyme~~it just flowed~~
Thank You for sharing Your talent
Many blessings to You!
Best wishes too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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Excellent composition, the flow and cadence superb and the content poignant! Congratulations, well done!
DK -
Think of Iambic tetrametre, think of the striking effect of authetic form, think of John Bunyan, Pecry Shelly, and Ben Jonson, then think of this.
your last line was an original wink on the forhead of creativity, I personally liked the idea of adding extra syllables as an ending line(tetrameters, and pentametres have that synergystic contributed effect), like delivering one whole imapcted blow from the canvas of wisdom.
Knowing forms is exciting, inventing them.....
is craving poetic craft..
(and I never really thought that one who can invent a form, would do so unless he came across a handful of previously invented ones, and fully studied and understanded them).
Which you perfectly have done...
a pleasure to read.
I would like you in person to read my (revolution),
because I have dared to take such step, I only seek the verification of inventing my own form as well.
Keep it coming, your words are medicine to my eyes, ears and mind.
Raven Dark -
This almost has a quiet anger too it. More of dissappointment to me. This was beautifully written and it had great meter. I love this. One of my favorites. Just great. Wonderful. Bien trabajo.
Te amo,
Marisa
*Elimination Panel -
nice rhyme scheme. didnt sound forced... that takes talent, so congrats on that. love the background. do u mind if i steal it?
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kick-ass=)
Wow this is truely love this poem,but firstly the backround rocks and the poem is deep and full of emotion..its just wow way to good for words its like a profesional poet wrote it*kinda rhymed* lol But I really like your poems and I can't wait to read a nother one! Keep up the awesome work.!
Love always,
~!*Katherine*!~
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I love the background by the way. lol! Forgot to add that.
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Wow. Amazing. I LOVE THIS!! It flows so perfectly, the wording is perfect. Great job. I soo wish I could write like you.
I envy those who weep so low
and those who've died by Cupid's bow...
Those are my favorite lines. I can relate to those lines. Kinda. Great write Jean. Good luck in the contest. s
♥Alyssa♥ -
I have had a slow flow of words. It seems like I need to wrestle them and beat the fluff out of them before they are agreeable
Thanks for the challenges though, otherwise I'd not be writing at all. s and best wishes... ~genie~
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Wow. The finish is very deep and thought provoking and of course I enjoyed the alitteration and the very good flow and rhymes. Very very well done. I was very very struck with this one. Nice background also. Glad you made it in.
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