It's not the red of a Kremlin star
Nor the morning sheet's uncomfortable stain
Or the ruby of cabernet sauvignon
The heart of an isosceles triangle
It's not the pyrite of nostalgia
Nor the aureate glow of superfluousity
Or the bacchic age of Dionysus
Left in the open air
It is the black of the deepest submarine
It is the black of a stillborn child
It is the black of Malevich's Square
It is that black, it is that black
Author notes
Inspired by Sabrina
A contest entry
- Raven Qualifier - Culture: Religion, Society and Politics by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 84 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest #405 - Upgrade Those H.M. by AliceinPoetryLand.
900 points, ended September 22, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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Wonderful metaphors in this. Such a deep, dark write here. Expertly penned. Thank you for your entry
Gaylene
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Excellent write,
I like 'It is the black of the deepest submarine' as your first line for stanza three.
I have to get a dictionary!!
Regards
Sonya
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confused
Unlike most of the commenters I am not afraid to admit I do not know what this catalogue of disjointed
imagery is all about will someone please explain if they can... George -
I see the teachings of Nietzsche about your work, do I not? I'm going to have to anaalyse this. You may make it into my All Poetry Pantheon. (all in my head). Anyway , the red, the triangle, the colpd passion.*
*
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It is the black of a stillborn child
It is the black of Malevich's Square
It is that black, it is that black
Excellent metaphor...loved the fifty cent piece words spitted and spattered about. lol This kind of intensity is like dark dark chocolate...savored carefully and consumed never quickly.
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very sad
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Now I found my weakness. I am do not know much about Russia History. This appears to be and in depth write about life and culture. May have some political statements in it. I can feel passion mix in with the words. The ending is creative it helps to send out it message. I admire the structure and content of this write. It make the reader want to dig into the true meaning of this write.I feel maybe some author notes help those who are not as well read as some. It stumped me a little. I read and watch news events they are the history in the making. I feel this is a wonderful example of creative imagery. It ranks 100 out of 100. This is great keep up the awesome work.
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Wow, this is amazing. I am in awe of what talent and passion must go into this. Being part of a different culture, it strange to peer into a genius portrayal of something so surreal to me and understand. For one, truly understand.
I know little about Berlin history or culture (nor can I honestly tell you that I understand many of the words in your poem) but i do know beauty and tragedy when I see it. I can tell you that I see it now.
No suggestions could be given to make this poem better. It is at it's peak where it will remain. It reads like a poem yet tugs on the heart. It's blend of politics with heartfelt concern is something unparalleled today in almost any aspect of life, including poetry.
Truly this is a grace to read. I'm proud to have found it and am happy to tell you what a wonderful job you have done. Thank you for entering!!
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Hmm..
You don't need me to tell you how fantastic this poem is.
Look at all those comments!!
You painted the rainbow.
Thank you for entering and Good Luck!! =] -
This is interesting and very good. I like the color contrasts here...this holds a lot of meaning. thank you for entering and good luck!
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wow, this is absolutely stunning. I have not read such polished poetry on here - ever. Excellent poem!
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Brilliant. Momentarily, I will tell everyone I know to read your work.
God damn! This might be the smartest thing I've read on this site in six months. Are these people frigging crazy? Where in the hell are your 40 applauses?! Some folks just aren't up to reading something this intelligent, I guess. I sure do hope you write something for my current contest. Yep, sure do.
Powerful poem with so much hidden candy that I could write for an hour. I love the symmetry you use here between stanzas, and I love that you don't ever mention Aleksandr Nevski, but just talk about the latter-day submarine bearing his namesake. Bummer you can't do his cathedral, too, since it shared that Palast's fate. There's nothing black about a dynamited cathedral, I suppose. That last line gave me chills.
I think you should definitely go with the sub. So much irony. For some reason I feel like "deepest" has a more attractive cousin, but I've no idea what her name is. Perhaps not.
Admittedly, I live under a rock, so it could be I've missed something in the news ... but I don't understand why you'd want to use the Trench anyway. It's got to be black down there, and it's a really long tumble to the bottom for subs, cathedral detritus, or anything else, for that matter ... but it's also where whole continents are born. The depth/blackness aspect notwithstanding, "birth" contradicts "stillbirth," so go with the sub. A state-of-the-art nuke sub that lingers in the salty depths, ready to lob multi-warhead thermonuke ICBM's at ... uh, (?), named after the guy who beat the Teutonic Knights ... and ... well, Warsaw ... that's black no matter how you look at it.
Looks like you agree.
Looks like you're not real thrilled with Mr. Putin right now. I'd recommend that you not read this at the foot of St. Basil's Cathedral ... but now I know I don't know what the hell I'm talking about, so I'll just stop.
I've been there once. Heh, also Nevskii Prospekt. Honeymooned in Moscow/Petersburg in June of 2001. Symphony violinists were playing for tips in the perexod down the street from the Inturist--which itself was down the street form McDonald's--and a girl with red-dyed hair on rollerblades tried to sell me Marlboros right in the middle of Red Square. Between that and all those Mercedes-Benzes at the Duma.... And that was 6 years ago. It must be wild times in your neck of the woods. I guess you've got a lot to write about. You wield your English very, very well. Better than 99% of my countrymen, sadly. Welcome to my favorites list, and thank you quite much for dropping by my page.
~Morgan
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I still think this is a winner --
for red and black is quite the paradox of life and death, love and hate, gain and loss. Checks and balances. And that line you are asking about: THAT line should stay black as the deepest submarine -- for submarine becomes metaphoric for Mariana's black -- cut off from direct light.
Once again: three claps
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You bring world politics into play well in the first stanza. The "red star" of the old Soviet Union being mention is worthy of a gold star in my commenting. I do believe that you have done as asked by the host of the contest. You allowed the light to trickle in here. I like the reference to "Malevich's Sqaure".
Black is my favorite non-color. My favorite color; yellow. Mix the two and you get a bumble bee affect.
Pssst... little typo unearthed - Square
Renee ;f
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Thanks. That's rather an embarrassing one to have let slip through, especially considering the amount of time I still spend on this one.
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Very interesting I loved it and I also want to thank you for sharing your piece with all of us. And to wish the best of luck in the contest.
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Is there a third stanza lurking somewhere to clarify your thoughts and to bring resolution?
Perhaps the obscurities need a footnote or two for we lesser mortals constrained by the boundaries of the Earth's fair womb?
Barty greets you! -
Wow!
Normally a poem that has such a simple structure would be easy to craft, but it feels as if you picked each word carefully, only using the ones that do the job. The use of color as metaphor, often found in weak poetry here on the site, was flawless. You turned a simple idea into a strong poem. -
A Question
Guys, girls, anyone still reading this...
Which is better as the first line in stanze three?
It is the black of Marianas Trench
or
It is the black of the deepest submarine?
I just can't decide...
thanks for any help.
cheers
up -
i love the drumroll of this one- the intensity offered and obtained- the voice is solid and rigid and demonstrates a keen sense of order- nicely done.
thanks for entering the contest.
m -
I too entered this contest, and I have read better than half of the entries. Your poem once again reflects that the contest holders have their work cut out for them, for this is an excellent examination of color and metaphor -- beginning with the title.
In fact, the reference to the former situs of the East German parliament (I saw the play "Democracy" on Broadway, if that helps explain why I know, lol), not to mention the opening line reference to the former Soviet Union's red star, makes me wonder if you yourself have some background in the former Eastern Bloc republics. I have met some excellent poets here who have such credentials, and obviously the Czech Republic was led by a poet after its disassociation in the early 90s.
I think you are going to find some poets who love the artistic reference to Malevich's Square. And to use it as the illusion of color is perfect. Indeed, the final lines are perfectly bleak. And again, since the Malevich Square is itself a Russian creation, and a favorite composition invoked by post-modern artists, it too finds a nice place in what appears to be a socio-political poem.
In the end, though, you do a nice job using what are interesting combinations of color and metaphor to achieve what the hosts desired -- bring color and light to bear in a minimum of expression, and further make the audience think. -
Loved this one
great interpretation of the contest
thanks for entering! -
Atmospheric and strippe
Socio-political statement personified. Wow. I would LOVE to hear the story behind the poem.
Captivating work.
Stark.
Like the Slow March.
Final. Like the Last Taptoo.
Myra -
This is about black, not the other colours you mention in these lines - the darkness of the country you describe here. INteresting interpretation of the theme.
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a good poem here, color working well within the piece. good luck in the contest.
Edited on Nov 03, 3:26 because ''.
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