Stripped of compassion, his green eyes turn black
His words a tonic that splinter my sense of self
Blunt hypocrisy spells, spinal shame into the pit of my back
I cry out, emergency, he's lacking empathy
0ne hundred milligrams, stat!
But with the sight of this urgency, his body retracts
Spilling, serrated barbarity without a second thought
The weight of oppression, condenses my soul, taut
And I'm contorted with the lack of recognition
Unable to extinguish his certainty, it isn't fair!
I drown in mocked pools of desperation and despair
Author notes
Written November 1st, 2006
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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This was very good. I especially liked your word choice in this. Very intricate write indeed. I especially liked your 1st few of opening lines.
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The imagery in this is so vivid. It painted a clear picture in my mind. Very powerful write! Great job.
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Awesome and moving....Love your amazing imagery. Keep it up!!!
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wow
this is seriously amazing..
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OMG!!!!
....WOWZERS!!!.......uhmmmmmm....can i have some of what you got??!!!!!! ...ok, ok...uhmmmmm....this is absolute, undeniabley, unequivicably, without refute, undisputed...BRILLIANCE!!! - YOU ARE DEFINITELY ONE OF MY FAVORITE POETS ON AP EVER!!!!! - (panting)...[lion does silly circles in the air with hoppy dance, clapping paws together in snooy-like glee!!!........wait......i've turned in to a dog!!!!! .....lion runs to mirror quickly to re-affirm......PHEW!!!!....runs back to awesome poetesses poem for another read,....straps on drool bucket and starts again....WOWZERS!!!!]
- YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!! THIS DESERVES 
!!!!!!
wml - .............................Lionslove
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I love the wording and the visuals this brings up. It's touching, artfully written and just beautiful.
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MAGNIFICO!!!!!!!!
I hate using this word, but after I read this poem it came screaming out of my mouth...WOW!
I LOVED this poem, absolutely everything about it. The descriptive nature, the sheer gutteral emotion, and the style you wrote it with!!
I cannot wait to read more of your work. I have a new AP favorite!
Thank you for writing and keep on penning!
Zola -
I've been in a couple of relationships where the fights were like this, so I can relate to what you've written here. It always amazes me how a person who is normally so kind and considerate can suddenly turn, as you said, "barbaric" so quickly. Loved the word choices and rhyming in this also. I hope things improve for you quickly ~ making up is usually the only good part of fighting.
All the best,
~J. -
Wow. This is a interesting piece that you have created here! I like this!
It is strange. It's kind of like saying that part of yourself was faking out another part of yourself making you seem false to the world? Did I read that right? I'm not sure if I completely understand but it sounded really cool anyways. So I think that you have done a good job of expressing yourself here. Thanks for featuring this so that we all had a chance to share your words and feelings with you!
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Unfortunately realistic and completely possible. Very well written..
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Hey hun,
This is such a sad piece but incredibly well written, as tends to be the case with all your work (damn you and your talent
). I have to agree with everyone in that I like the line "Spilling, serrated barbarity without a second thought" but I think the line "Blunt hypocrisy spells spinal, shame into the pit of my back" has such potency to it, at least to me.
This entire poem though, is just brilliant, I love your use of aliteration and your imagery (as always) is just stunning.
I really hope things get better for you soon.
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Excellent
Excellent writting skills your words say it all. -
great
this is really good...you gave depression and despair form and substance. Very good! -
Well done!!! Sorry that things aren't going so well. You've made the raw emotion and the whole moment so tangible with this piece. Hope things get better.
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i liked the same line that pixypoetress liked. there was a lot of emotion put into this piece, and i thoroughly enjoyed it, way to go and keep writing!
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this got to me for a couple reasons.
i have a family member who could put all her compassion and empathy on the head of a pin and always has a put-down ready. i'm ready to take her down and will when the time is right i've written a few poems on the same subject but you've said it better than i have so far
also... this poem touches on most men in my life... with their 'serrated barbarity'.
'lack of recognition' is exactly how one feels after one of these 'attacks'.
excellent... well-said, good line breaks and solid form
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I am not sure if I like this or not, however, I guess since I have thought about this poem for longer than five minutes makes it good....nicely done
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"Spilling, serrated barbarity without a second thought"
What an amazing line! There's a lot of hurt and lonliness here, and I'm sorry if there's an ounce of truth to any of it. The poem, however, is beautiful. --->pixxie<---
OMG I just saw the shameful promotion box and read that this was about a fight with your 'other'. Sorry to hear it, and , man I need to get more observant!
Edited on Nov 01, 9:31 p.m. because 'Because I don't pay attention'. -
loving it
love the style
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