Past, Present and Future

What is it with past?
Left behind, follows into the present
Making future more confusing
It’s a question, baffling
Stirring trouble, churning me in life’s blender

The love I lost, never found
Way back in the times of yore
Comes knocking back on my door
When I have set my heart, have moved on
Into, that seems a promising future.

I once loved him, surrendered
Gave into the dream he showed
Him, me & only us, to each other committed
Then came our special day
The date, we dedicated to each other, our first anniversary
Got my ultimate gift, that will be cherished
Stay closer to my heart
Of all the gifts, perfectly wrapped
Pack of no diamond ring
But pack of lies and deceit
My first love, love of my life, so I thought

Now I’ve found someone else, being tested
Seems promising, but have to wait to see
For I’ve been bitten once, so will be shy twice
I know him enough, yet I’m scared
He wants commitment
But once again, don’t want to regret
He’s understanding and caring
For my answer he chooses to wait

As I made up my mind
Head to the door to behold the future
I see my past at my front door
Begging, regretting, using right vocabulary filled with tears
It was my first that remains with us forever
I’m numb, lost my senses, I smiled
But to see him begging?
Or him wanting me back in his life
He says, this time, it’s not for a year, but forever

What to do? Where to go? Whom to choose?
Question after question, no answer
I’m split in two, my heart just mended
See no more future, for it’s hovered by the lost past, just found
I’m torn, I’m lost, I’m chained
I realized, I had never broke free
Only the chains were long enough for me to get to the door

Lies, deceit, walked out on me
For another girl
Perhaps who realized, it was a lost call
Someone’s waiting for me, uncomplainingly
To make me his beloved lover
My heart’s divided in two still
What my present, may be my future
Is doing exactly
What my past use to do for me

Help me, guide me, stop the ticking clock
For I need time to find who is fake
For I’m not up for another turmoil
Barely got over my last stock
I’m baffled, I’m scared, so confused
My heart’s singing a confusing tune
Mind and heart are not in sync
Though it’s nothing new
Yet an unknown territory, is all this
Life’s gives you in abundance, so I’d heard
But never had really believed
But, now I believe
The only thing is, it’s blended
My past, present and future
That’s beyond me to understand!

Can you help me to find my way?
For I don’t want to be hurt, but be happy!