Salacious motives vaulted,
locked away,
bound and riveted.
Impotent to communicate,
feigning pretense of necessity.
Intensity of desire
blemishes my passion.
An autopsy of my morals,
cored and hollowed.
Lascivious and obscene urges,
impulses,
manifesting lust and mimicking libido,
attacking my senses...
Savoring and swallowing bittersweet weakness.
Lewd whisperings inside my mind.
Vulgar aroma, masking perfumed stench.
Spying in the darkness.
Propositioning sticky Polaroids.
Aching for satisfaction.
And still...
I crave.
I can not demand.
I can not command.
I can not understand.
I cower and hide within
the iniquitous burden.
Yet...
I long to exhibit this subtle sin.
Author notes
This piece is about LUST. The crazed and insane longing, as I believe it's felt by and thought of, in the mind of a stalker.
I read the rules.
Marta Dahlig - artist
Written October 31st, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Options! YAY! by ConvenientExcuses.
500 points, ended November 10, 2006, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Disturb My Mind, Or At Least Turn It On! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
450 points, ended November 24, 2006, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Can You Really Blame The Hatter For Being Mad? by Exodus.
450 points, ended January 25, 2007, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 7 Deadly sins by shattered logic.
505 points, ended March 16, 2007, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - DARKNESS (The Anti-Valentine) by Sally the Ragdoll.
525 points, ended February 23, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 7 Deadly Sins by PrettyLilBullet.
400 points, ended July 17, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 48 of 48
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Hood-Winked!
Wow what chilling words "And still...
I crave.
I can not demand.
I can not command.
I can not understand.
I cower and hide within
the iniquitous burden.
Yet...
I long to exhibit this subtle sin." You have shown how a stalker feels on the inside. It is really scary!! What wonderful imagery and emotions. Just amazing.
You have just been Hood-Winked by a fellow Poetic Bandit
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You did such a wonderful piece and maybe I can change around the rules a little bit so that it won't be completely disregarded because you left out 6 sins. I'll have to think on it and get back to you! Thank you so much for entering and good luck!
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I must start by saying i love this line-
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An autopsy of my morals,
cored and hollowed.
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thats just i love it, this was well worded, you described lust ohhh so very well this is very well done good job and good luck!!! -
"An autopsy of my morals,
cored and hollowed."
I liked these lines a lot!
Keep up the good work, and good luck in my contest!
-Sally -
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Thanks for the lovely comment, Sally! Much appreciated!
~Lori
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OOOOOOOOO
Beautiful Beautiful SIMPLY Beautiful...WOW...
I am diggin this piece...
I'm thankful you were willing to help me judge the contest rather than submit this one...because this is GOOD...
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Thanks again, Heidi! This was a rush to write! Glad you liked it!
~Lori
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Wow! 'obscene urges,
impulses,'
'Impotent to communicate,
feigning pretense of necessity. '
'An autopsy of my morals,
cored and hollowed.'
I didn't know half of the words in this... but what I did know sent a shiver up my spine..
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Thanks sweet skitza for the wonderful comment! This sent a shiver up my spine when I wrote it! It was weird to try to write from the mind of a lusting maniac, but this is how I felt they would think and operate. Don't know how accurate it was but it was creepy to think about!
~Lori -
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I feel sorry for 'them' to be honest... to be addicted and trapped into that sickness.
Nice name, by the way.
skitz
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I always loved the way you write. Especially in this piece, the stuttered explanations really help and add to it. Helping with the feeling of madness.
Certainly a different take on insanity than I have seen so far, I never realised just how differently people percieved what seemed a simple concept at first.
Thankyou for your entry, it was very refreshing to read
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Thanks Friday for the wonderful comment on this piece! It's greatly appreciated! I'm pleased you enjoyed the read!
~Lori
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WELCOME TO THE WOODS! AND THANKS FOR YOUR ENTRY!
GIVE ME A SHOUT OUT IN COMMENTS HERE IF YOU LIKE, AND PLEASE COMMENT ON OTHER ENTRIES, IT'S NOT A RULE, BUT IS APPRECIATED. WHEN I'VE SELECTED THE TOP 10 ENTRIES, I SHALL BE TAKING THEM ON A JOURNEY...
INTO THE WOODS.
I'LL BE BACK TO GIVE COMMENTS, NEARER THE END.
GOOD LUCK!
XXOO
DK -
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Thanks DK! I'm looking forward to reading the entries for this contest!
Happy New Year!
~Lori
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Awesome!
Wow girl, this is a brilliant, awesome write. And how well you place yourself in the mind of a stalker, I imagine well that this must be what they think...sick f*&(&#$ hehe. Anyway, well done and good luck with the contest.
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Thanks so much Nanette, for the wonderful comment on this piece! It is greatly appreciated! It was challenging, let alone, disturbing, to write from the thoughts of a stalker! Thanks again for checking out this twisted piece!
~Lori
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Disturbing
I think you captured a pervert's sick mind very well. Especially loved the line "Propositioning sticky polaroids", disgusting and compelling imagery. Vivid and to the point in a mere three words. I don't know if the last line "subtle sin" works for me. It is quite a contrast to the rest of the poem, but maybe you meant it that way for emphasis
This is a glimpse of something I don't understand myself, but it gives me a shiver!
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Thanks nichtmich, for the wonderful comment on this piece! :0 It's very much appreciated! The line "subtle sin" is meant to add emphasis, as I feel the sick-minded and lustful stalker has no remorse for his actions and doesn't feel that they mark anything more than the subtle sin of wanting someone. I don't think their twisted fantasy is anything more than desire to them. This is purely my own personal opinion as I tried to reach inside what they might contrive in their lustful thoughts. Thanks again for reading!
~Lori
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Damn right, it is thought of by a stalker, and it's pretty damn scary... I like the way you put it, the words mean everything in a poem to make it disturbing. Love this write... Thanks for sharing.
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Thanks for the awesome comment on this piece, Broken! I really appreciate it! I'm glad you enjoyed this slightly twisted write!
~Lori
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Thanks sweetie! You're such a boost to my poetic ego! So many comments in one day! This was challenging to write from the point of view of a lusting stalker.
~Auntie Lori -
I can not demand.
I can not command.
I can not understand.
this part really stuck with me for some reason I really like this I love how you can touch upon any subject as a great writer should -
Thanks for letting me enter this piece, ConvenientExcuses! I'm happy that you enjoyed it! It's scary to try to put yourself into the mind of a stalker lusting after someone. It was challenging and interesting to do, though. Thanks again and I appreciate your great comment!
~Lori -
wow! this is amazing. I love the imagery...it was just all around amazing. great job! I'm impressed. thanks for entering and good luck!
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Thanks so much for the lovely comment, Jeannie! It is greatly appreciated! I'm glad you enjoyed this slightly twisted look into the mind of a lusting stalker. Take care ~
~Lori -
I think you captured what I feel is in the mind of a stalker as well. Great twist on what I expected. You have incredible talent. Best of luck in the contest.
Jeannie -
Thanks phoenix, for the awesome comment on this piece! I appreciate it very much! It wasn't easy to try to describe the lust of a stalker but I hope I came close to what they must be thinking and feeling. Thanks for reading!
~Lori~ -
Hmm, this was not bad at all! Very vivid picture you painted with your adjectives! I liked the structure you made and how you described everything and spaced different parts apart, very very good!!!
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Thanks Theresa! Glad you liked this [oece! It's a little twisted but it was fun to write from that perspective.
~Lori~ -
Thanks ocerus! I meant for this to seem vague. Thanks for reading!
~Lori~ -
Thanks Wendy! I'm glad you liked this write!
~Lori~ -
Thanks for the wonderful comment, Clovis! I appreciate it!
~Lori~ -
Thanks fallower! I"m glad you liked this write!
~Lori~ -
Wow I am impressed!!!!!! Excellent write
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This is pretty good, although maybe a trifle vague, and the last line is a killer. Not bad! - ocerus
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"vulgar aroma, masking perfumed stench" this is truly an incredible line here.
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Superb/Intriguing/Unique
An excellant write on a dark subject. -
i love the contradictions you've expressed to your readers!!!!!
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Thanks Tia! I'm glad you liked this piece! I've been writing alot today! Many new posts. I'd love your feedback when you have some free time, on one I posted a couple days ago, titled ~Zero~. Take care g-ma!
~Lori~ -
Thanks so much big bro, for the great comment! I've been writing up a storm today! I think I posted 3 or 4 pieces and am working on another now! Oh, I hope the ink doesn't dry up!
Take care Charley! Love ya!
~Lori~ -
Thanks Gaylene, as you always leave such inspiring comments! My poetic ego adores you my dear! I appreciate you reading this piece! Take care!
~Lori~ -
awesome
What an awesome write. You have such a gift of expression! Your write was flawless and if this does not carry the gold... I can't imagine what would. Your flow and structure were incredible and just kept your mind moving as well... your eyes intriguingly throughout the write! AWESOME!!
~Tia
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Great job of writing Lori, Your words fit exactly with the picture, great job with point of view, and excellent descriptions. Your poetry has really taken off, beautifully done. Thanks for sharing and letting us enjoy it. Good luck in the contest.
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Wow Lori to be able to put yourself in the palce of such a person was a most excellent write. Your words certainly packed a punch, leaving the reader without any doubt as to the feelings of such people. This person you speak of appears to have some moral high ground, but wonder if all do.
Fabulous words and write
Best to you in this contest, but somehow don't think you'll need it with this!
Gaylene
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LOL I just sent you an IM with a couple of pieces for you to check out! (but you know that already!) I just wrote this a couple hours ago for a contest. Or maybe I should say, it wrote itself for me! I'm pleased that you liked this piece! I would love to try to get something together for your contest. Thanks for checking out this piece!
~Lori~ -
Wow, this is truly amazing, I would very much like it if you would enter my contest, regardless of the 8 months thing.
Best wishes, and my prayers go out to your family in your time of loss.
Shirley,
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Thanks Shannon! I have no idea where this piece came from, but here it is! I sat down and thought about lust and thought to myself, who lusts for someone more than a stalker! Apparently, this piece insisted on being written! Enjoy your entryies. I look forward to reading through them. Have fun judging!
~Lori~ -
Original and Intriguing!!
Lori,
Fantastic view point!! I like that you took a different approach by looking at it from another point! Wonderful write Sis!! Thanks for entering!! Best wishes in the contest!!
Shannon
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