I watched the evening sky turn apricot,
As nagging weathercocks backed to the North.
The fallen leaves said – What was once, is not.
Prepare for bitter days to come henceforth.
Now cold will strip the trees and bleach the fields,
Gales tear the final petals from the rose.
All tumbles in decay, and comfort yields
To sleep, nor can the slanting sun oppose.
In vain I asked the countryman for cheer,
Essayed a smile, and blew upon my hands.
He took my cock-eyed rictus for a leer
And, muttering, surveyed his frost-racked lands.
Let others think what Winter’s wake will bring;
It takes a younger heart to picture Spring.
Author notes
One old-fashioned English sonnet - fourteen lines of iambic pentameter. Photo [c] chordphrute.
I have deliberately split it into three quatrains and a couplet, for neatness, and because it helps me to present the poem the way I want it to flow. Shakespeare would - so I am told - have presented the same metre and rhyme in a solid block of fourteen lines, but I am certain I have not made him turn in his grave. 
Written October 31st, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Sonnets - Shakespearean or Petrarchan by Corey Harvard.
1000 points, ended November 22, 2006, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 45 of 45
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Very nice write. Fall season is sure beautiful!
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It can be... It always makes me heave a sigh of regret for lost summer.
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'Now cold will strip the trees and bleach the fields'
Beautiful line. Saw it clearly. Wow, all of it is really
stunning.
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I was looking out at fields when the line came to me.
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crystaldust 26-11-06 21:31
I am so glad you came first with your November sonnet. Congratulations. I had already rated you first when I read it, even though I would have put masterblaster's Khepry higher up than fifth.
Your sonnet was truly a thing of beauty. I loved it. -
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Just heard.. I did get gold!
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crystaldust, last I heard I made it to the last five, and I'm still waiting for the final result, but I am very glad you liked it. (By the way, I have always rated 'blaster's poetry pretty highly myself). Thanks.
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When the constituion was instated, there were two perspectives as to how it should be upheld. The puritan's perspective (the idea that, no matter what, every word of the law should be observed whatever the instance) and the conceptual perspective (people who held to this perspective called it the "spirit of the law"). The idea of the "spirit of the law" was that the constitution was written for one thing - justice - and that, though the law was geared towards that, sometimes it was necessary to consider what the law was trying to achieve rather than heeding a specific law verbatum. I feel the same way about poetry.
Perhaps Shakespeare constructed his poetry without any line breaks... perhaps his iambs were rigorous. I think, however, we can all agree that Shakespeare's focus wasn't to achieve perfect form. The "spirit of poetry" is the emotional/conceptual appeal it conveys to the heart and mind of humanity. If it achieves its purpose - even if it isn't entirely true to its traditional form - it has accomplished what poetry is meant to accomplish.
Sorry for such a long tangent.
This is a shimmering poem. I honestly have no suggestions for you. It's pure in melody, it's mature in phrasing, and it's strong in sequence. Both introduction and conclusion were splendid... Wonderful way with development. Bravo! -
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Corey, I will reply to your long comment the only way I can. Thanks. That is the first time anyone has ever referred to one of my poems as "shimmering".
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good job
This is a cut above a lot of what I see nowadays in sonnets. You've handled this very well, and I see no errors in spelling, punctuation, or language. All in all, good job.
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Thanks. It's how I write 'em.
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You even got Hugh to comment, what more could you want?
I liked this. Again, a very traditional subject, but the main difference from Shakespeare (so it seemed to me) wasn't theme or spacing, rather the modern turn to drama. I like the incorporation of the interaction with your countryman... it lends the poem a freshness. I also thought the phrasing was well turned, the weathercock backing into North.
The ultimate resolution was a great couplet, and resolves the poem quite well. It took me a moment... winter's wake could be taken as "winter as wake" as opposed to the end of winter which would be spring; but I smacked my forehead and got it.
Nicely done.
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The "modern turn" is because I am a modern poet, and this is a Shakesperean sonnet, not a Shakespeare sonnet. Thanks for the thoughtful and complimentary commentary.
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A beautiful piece with a classical air though with modern language. Excellent write.
s ~genie~
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Thanks, genie - glad you liked it.
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Although I read, but don't normally comment on contest poems:
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As we've just met and (to me) you're 'new'
and I see this is a sonnet too,
I make exception here for you.
Although what Di has said is true,
t'would take a purist to eschew
the excellence of what you do.
In apite of unshakespearean space,
I think your sonnet's full of grace
and. tho the Bard might space condense,
your lines, to me, make perfect sense.
What's more, I vow your rhymes and meter
if writ by him, would not be neater.
Change not a jot of what you've written
but let the biter's hand be bitten.
~~~
There! I've broken my rule.
Applause, love and hugs, XXX Hugh.
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Well we'll just have to hope my horrible solecism isn't picked up by whomever is judging the contest, Di
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Hi again, Faximalies printed in 1609 ,firt quazto, were in fourteen consecative lines if I remember correctly, but I could be wrong, all the best. Di
Edited on Nov 06 because ''. -
He also couldn't spell his own name, Di! There is method in my madness. It has to do with development of the theme of the poem - the slight shift after line eight, the definite shift after line twelve. The convention of splitting the sonnet into three quatrains and a couplet grew from Shakespeare's original.
If I was going to render it strictly in imitation of his style, it would be typeset thus:
I watched the evening sky turn apricot,
As nagging weathercocks backed to the North.
The fallen leaves said – What was once, is not.
Prepare for bitter days to come henceforth.
Now cold will strip the trees and bleach the fields,
Gales tear the final petals from the rose.
All tumbles in decay, and comfort yields
To sleep, nor can the slanting sun oppose.
In vain I asked the countryman for cheer,
Essayed a smile, and blew upon my hands.
He took my cock-eyed rictus for a leer
And, muttering, surveyed his frost-racked lands.
...Let others think what Winter’s wake will bring;
...It takes a younger heart to picture Spring.
...with the slight indent of the couplet. Hmmmm - the comment box won't let me do it - I will edit it and use dots instead.
Edited on Nov 02, 3:32 p.m. because 'The comment box won't take the typesetting'. -
Hi , lovely sonnet, loved it, my only bitch,lol, is a Shakespearean sonnet should be in 14 consecative lines and not split into stanzas, he wrote all his sonnets this way, all the best in the comp, a very nice sonnet, hugs Di
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Joy, thank you very much. I seem to be addicted to this form now. I dream in iambic pentameter.
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crystaldust 03-11-06 11:20
This is a beautiful sonnet, Mairi bheag. I don't understand why you seem surprised at having written one for the contest. It is excellent in every way: rhyme, metre, and such interesting words. I send best wishes in the contest. By the way: we're never too old not to enjoy the beauty of winter, especially these years when spring may be quite a long way behind. Applause attached. Joy
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You do that, Poe... I'll have a nice, warm bath
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Mairi, don't look on winter as a thing to dread,, with an uncertain
spring yet to come. See it as a peaceful rest, time to think,
evaluate, ponder and set right ideas left undone, before life renews in it's harried fashion. I'm aging too, faster that I thought I ever could, so now I look forward to winter and the
slower pace it brings.
lapoe.
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Many thanks, maa
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a truly inspiring and very well crafted sonnet in perfect meter, using sophisticated vocabulary, vivid imagery and original rhymes.
a trophy-deserving poem indeed.
the best of luck to you,
maa -
Thank you, Joy.
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pleasant read
Very pleasant read with great imagery! I did have to look up the word rictus but other than that your words flowed out nicely with some good interwoven rhyme. Very nice! joy
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Melodies, you never fail to see the best in my work.
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Thanks, Poe - yes the "faux summer" of early autumn has gone, certainly here in Scotland, by the turn of this month. That's why this poem is all about a relentless plunge into winter, taking an older person's view that spring does not necessarily follow - and one day it won't. {shivers} I'll bust out of this mood for my next poem, I hope!
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Oh, Mairi, this is surely one of your most beautiful sonnets! The imagery is just so fine! My, goodness... the poem has the feel of winter approaching. I could just see and hear the part of the countryman. So glad you posted this in this fine contest!
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Me,I love November,it fits my mood, always a bit wistful,
somewhat sleepy, and with that spark of lovely crimson blushing the sky. It shows itself to be temperamental, one day is rarely
the same as the next. It's not a faux summer like September
and October can be, but yet it's not full winter either...
Mairi, your poem is everything November is,, and sooooo
much more... you've captured it's essence, what a treat for
me!!!!! lapoe.
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Thanks, Individuality.
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Thank you, Belle. This was rather a spur-of-the-moment poem, but I did my best.
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Thank you Moonshine Pixie, and smooshes to you.
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a good piece here, an enjoyable read. nice rhythm and flow leading me along. good luck in the contest. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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Beautiful iambics with its archaic langugage--truly the theme of the contest captivated. All my best to you, Belle
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You have done wonderful with this sonnet! A lovely topic, in a great form!
"Let others think what Winter’s wake will bring;
It takes a younger heart to picture Spring."
A pretty picture, indeed. Good luck in the contest!
Smooshes,
Moonshine Pixie -
I think so. I was just going through my favorites and happened on them both. You're welcome.
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I didn't know 'blaster had written one - is it in this contest? (Glad you liked it) ... ok I found it
Edited on Oct 31, 11:48 because ''. -
I just read Masterblaster's piece and it was a little similiar. I like the finish. Nicely phrased.
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Here in Scotland, the weather suddenly turns bad in the eleventh month, and the light goes fast. I never look forward to this time of the year, because it makes me wish my life away, longing for Spring - and I am just too old for that! I am very glad you enjoyed this one.
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Sirrah, I thank thee for thy praise.
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great
i love sonnets, and this is a very well written one. im an autumn person myself, but i understand your meaning in this lovely poem. -
Wonderfully done as always, we expect no less from thee! Excellent!
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