...buried... lost... forgotten...
The undergrowth is moving
soil shifting, so unnerving
up raises an unthinkable disease,
it's clawing through the shadows
reaching to me with those
filth encrusted memories
...My past has caught up with me
It was buried long ago
in a shallow grave of dirt
I swore I'd never relive
those lonely nights of hurt
So I embraced the numbness
the calm air of repression
never looking back
on those dark days of depression
But too comfortable I became
too peaceful in myself
wading in my ignorance
while my past unearthed itself.
Stained and mucky
it now stands in full view
stronger than before
and more painful too
It's dirt laden hands
wrap around my throat
the pain, the anguish rushes back
as I begin to choke.
I struggle for a while
but then begin to ease
for I know I'll always be this way
depression will never cease.
Author notes
Written October 30th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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What an amazingly deep, thought provoking piece you have penned here. It is so emotionally descriptive and sad. You did an amazing job of describing depression and its pain and sorrow.
wonderful job.
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To good to be true! lol this is really amazing though, the past always comes out to play when you dont want it. I cant pick a favorite line because they are all brilliant. Your words move me
Greatness
-Dani
PS: You wrote this on my birthday haha
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thanks again for the comments! It's strange I wrote it on your birthday isn't it? Maybe I was subconsiously thinking of you or something lol!
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sometimesyetnotenoughtobesurrealenoughforme.
Your a bad ass with words!
I know you like Nirvana. Go to youtube and click in their search> Nirvana/about a girl(unplugged)
click here>> http://www.youtube.com -
well done
Overall it was a very good piece, but the rhyming was a bit off. Not to mention it started not rhyming, and then it was suddenly rhyming, and that threw me off guard a little. The concept however was very good. Suppressing feelings and such, never works out to well, I've been there too, it always comes back to haunt you later.
Check out some of my stuff, you might like it, and i would like some critical comments on it.
Keep up the good work! -
good
I think your write was insightful and a good dark expression of depression. The choking took me to the feeling of an anxiety attack. I have a friend who has those. I think that you did an excellent job of showing how you thought this was under control and it just came creeping up on you and you looked at it with such animosity even hate. It was powerfully written and a good piece as it is. You could change a few things, poke at it a bit and it could become fabulous, but as I don't suffer from such ailments, I will be of no help in describing this, to me... it is great as is. I see others have offered up some suggestions for you. I shall check back later and see if there are any changes. I think it is intense. Good write, flow and rhythm, keep up the good work! It was my pleasure this evening to read your work...~Tia -
I think the only criticism i have to offer is that you shouldn't use descriptions like "it starts to rain" or "she looks at me" because it's far too stunted and direct (not to mention cliche and ametuer). Instead, just let the poem describe thoughts for you cuz, after all, that's what it's all about right?
:::nic::: -
I love the idea, the rythm & the flow. I know how you feel, infact all of us have some past buried deep under six feet that at times rise back from the dead. Powerful emotion expressed with intensity. I like the last para, but not as intense as the entire body. I still love your writing! It creeps me for I got a flashing memory I'd buried, forgotten.
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I like the flow and rhythm you created.
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good
i like the style. but your last 4 lines arent as powerful as the rest. -
Wow. Not much to constructively criticize here. This is pretty much perfect. This is what I was looking for when I read your other poem "Dark". This is what I envisioned you writing and you fully met (or even exceeded) my expectations. I love the descriptions here. The work "mucky" really stuck out. The picture is awesome too. Great take on an old idea of burying your sorrows only to have them rise again.
I'm very very impressed. I'm not sure where you wanted to take this but I can't imagine it could have gone anywhere better. I love it! -
I absolutely loved
"wading in my ignorance
while my past unearthed itself."
Wow. My only suggestion might be to tweak your ending a bit. The last line is kinda weak. Your poem loses all its momentum. Overall though, I think it's a great piece. --->pixxie<--- -
wow i love all your writes all of them. beautiful
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Very Good!
Often i write of feeling like dirt. I guess you hit some nails on the head here. Good write. The rhythm and flow were pretty good, as was the rhyme. I think you've done really well, considering you're not happy with the piece.
A couple of things, second last verse - no apostrophe in 'Its'
I felt the rhythm break first line, 3rd last verse (stained and mucky). I had to stop and change my reading rhythm for that line. I think it needs a little more in-fill to keep the rhythm steady (my opinion only).
Best wishes, always
Sincerely -Emmjay
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i like it, i think it flows well, it has a good steady pace and the rhyme scheme is good. i think we all go back to the past in the mind, quiet moments capture us. a good poem. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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Woah... this sort of reminds me of... myself. o.O Good work, and very descriptive. I hope you make it with what you're going through. <3
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You have talent...I know what you're going through.
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