Like lofty exclamation marks,
they stand sentinel over
my consciousness.
Owning up to the sun,
shadows splay out
across the river.
What is real? What lasts,
hope?
Heavy rains purify to ghostly health.
With mindless winds,
leaves rattle, branches snap
and fall.
The noise flays from the air.
Pliable still,
they resume guard.
Yet how many times I've
been denied. I awaken from
a dream to a cobalt sky,
confused; I yearn for something
more.
The murmur of faith refines.
Clarity is belief's noble option,
ignited with
the radiant flame of truth.
Author notes
Written October 30th, 2006
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Superb/Fun/Intriguing/Unique
Aye, a very good write indeed. I agree with most of the above.
And certainly enjoyed the imagery. -
Great poem
good poem i liked it!Lisa K Haslett Raytown Mo. -
Great metaphor you have carried on throughout this piece. Some wonderful comments and suggestions too
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This poem has a certain elegance that is expressed so profound. Your words flow down the page with all the beauty it represents. Great Job!
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I don't think I'll ever be able to look at trees the same again. This was awesome. --->pixxie<---
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Okay, I have two comments for this piece.
1. The words you chose were very nice. Left me feeling good and you could almost hear the words because your metaphors worked very well on this piece.
2. I think I would like to see it it a different type of format. I don't like the way it runs on and on kind of like a neverend sentence. I think it may read better if you split up the lines into verses or stanzas.
Have a dreamy day,
~*PointLessOne*~ -
Bravo!
Nicely and deftly done and just slightly mysterious. Bravo! -
you have good diction and your tone delivers much heart. Your imagery is also very good, very beautiful, refreshing and simple. All of this you do well and your seems to have some maturit. On the other hand, i think you should get rid of the questions. They seem to melodramatic, too forceful. They tend to jump around and, for me, they take the depth of the poem out. Instead i think you should flow more with the natural imagery of your poem. Go from the poplars to the leaves to being awake in your bed. Don't break it up with these questions that just might boarder cliche...anyway, i think you have something nice, i would suggest reading whitmans leaves of grass or children of adam and so you might learn how to put those questions in the poem without actually stating them
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I really like this it speaks to my heart. I especially like the last line. Great poem. One you can read over and over because of such lovely choice of words.
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Good vocalubary, deep meanings yet still so very clear, and rich metaphors. Short and sweet, yet it says so much. Excellent poem.... as usual.
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hmmm interesting content! nice layout and setting too
a very intelligently written piece. Good stuff! lozi xxxX
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Hi, I agree with Night Hope, a very lovely poem, it has deep feeling from the soul, a very lovely write, all the best I really enjoyed reading this poem, Hugs, Di
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