Sparkling Angel,
My love and my savior
Oh, how my eyes were shut
My ears deafened by sweet words
Words from your mouth
(Lies and deceit...
Dreams that I wished to be true
The smile when you tore me apart
I remember them all)
Sparkling Angel,
How the darkness bleeds from you
The emotions and feelings for me
Happiness personified
Glittering eyes upon your sight
(Lies and deceit...
Dreams that I wished to be true
The smile when you tore me apart
I remember them all)
Fallen Angel,
What is the reason?
The knife in my back
The world betrayed you,
But never did my love.
(Lies and deceit...
Dreams that I wished to be true
The smile when you tore me apart
I remember them all)
We could have lasted
Should have held on tightly
What would have become of us then?
We will never know now
For now we have reached an end.
(Lies and deceit...
Dreams that I wished to be true
The smile when you tore me apart
I remember them all)
Author notes
This was inspired by the song Angels by Within Temptation . it may be heard here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8hFGySVGq0&mode=related&search=
~Darc Raven, the Bard of Old
In a list
A contest entry
- the biggest prewrite contest ever by serenity silvermoon.
900 points, ended January 18, 362 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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Aww, so sad. It definitely hit home, and I enjoyed reading it. Keep up the good work and thanks for entering my contest
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I have heard the song. I really like it a bunch. You did a great job portraying the song. I think it deserved much more then Honorable Mention though *pouts* bad contest holder hehe.
"
Fallen Angel,
What is the reason?
The knife in my back
The world betrayed you,
But never did my love.
(Lies and deceit...
Dreams that I wished to be true
The smile when you tore me apart
I remember them all)
We could have lasted
Should have held on tightly
What would have become of us then?
We will never know now
For now we have reached an end.
(Lies and deceit...
Dreams that I wished to be true
The smile when you tore me apart
I remember them all)"
REminds me of someone that I know. He was like that. Say one thing to your face and twist the knife in your back while looking right at you. -
Very engaging, enthralling
A lovely, full-feeling’d portrayal of the temptation to blindness (denial) in the face of desire, the angst of the "what if" thrown silently in her face (knowing it is no use to even try to tell her) after the demise of the relationship. I feel that sense of simmering wrath, the sense of betrayal. It accurately portrays how I’ve felt in those situations. Yeah, maybe it's "their fault," but can I really blame them when I chose to buy into the lie? I love the flavor of many of your word choices. I particularly like "My ears deafened by sweet words" and "Glittering eyes upon your sight". I taste this as a song. Peter Gabrielle keeps running through my mind for some reason.
This is so well written that I have to assume "bleed" in Stanza 3, Line 2 was intended to be singular and not plural ("darkness bleeds"). Also, the final line in the final "verse" (as opposed to the "chorus"), "For now we have reached an end", felt predictable. However, most of the lines in that stanza are classic phrases one would expect a person in this emotional state to utter, so I can't think of any way that would make sense to change it. That possible typo is the only suggestion for improvement I have to offer.
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Thank you for such a comment. As stated in my author's comment, this poem was inspired by the song "angels" by within temptation. it was written to one person, however now fits better with another. funny how life repeats itself.
"Bleed" should probabally be "bleeds", but i have been too lazy lately to change it. >.<
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Every word in every well placed line,
filled with sweet sorrow.
What an enthralling read
thank you for sharing
~Pastel
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Lovely Darc very lovely indeed. It is a beautiful write filled with emotion and hopelessness. Thanks for sharing with us.
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Sometimes poems inspired by song really have a magic of their own, but with your piece, it's hard to say because your poems are magic in themselves. A wonderful write yet again with excellent imagery put forth in your words. Sadness from a loss of love and feeling of hurt because the one you loved had betrayed you. Nothing worse, my friend. I don't know how long ago you wrote this piece, but it certainly still holds the charm and magic of your mind. Great guns...you are good!
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Wow this is beautiful... so well penned and flowing, great use of repetition, I think I detect a typo -- but you, sir, are a marvellous poet, and I think we will get on famously.
I love your backgrounds! They are wonderful, and your style of writing is fabulous...
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a typo? where?
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Lol Yeah i re-read it! Its better then the first time cause the song was really distracting! haha
You know how easily that happends!
Points for confusing me yet again!!!! *chuckles*
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wow, this is good! (Lies and deceit...
Dreams that I wished to be true
The smile when you tore me apart
I remember them all)
that's my favorite thing about this peice! this is really cool! good work! keep it up! (And I love the pic at the top! where did u find it???? doode, cool!)
Crimson -
Vague.
This could use some concrete imagery to tie it down. Just something to make it SPECIFIC so that I can see more than another angsty anime kid writing a poem to post on his myspace. Sadness doesn't make poem, neither does betrayal etc. Write about what that's like. Don't just say, so yeah, I was betrayed by this person... Explore deeper into the situation that made you write this.
Appluase for the effort. Keep writing. :-)
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its supposed to tie into the song it was inspired from.
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This is beautiful and sad. A love that was good and ended before it could begin to grow. So much sorrow felt at the loss of this love and the deceit. Very well written. I enjoyed and the song.
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Great piece, very well done. I really enjoyed it. If I were to rate this I would rate this a 9/10.
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Fantastic
I was going to say, that reminds me of Angels lol...whoops, its really good though I love it!
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wow! i love this!!
its beautiful. 
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i love this song absolutely. and when i saw your poem featured i was like "within temptation what?" so i hopped over here. interesting poem. its a good take on the song, although i felt like you could have done more with it. is the picture significant? its from angel sanctuary if i remember correctly (though i know very little about that series). the refrain was great. nice work. ^_^
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This was quite a wonderful write. You should be very proud of this one.
"(Lies and deceit...
Dreams that I wished to be true
The smile when you tore me apart
I remember them all) "
This was beautiful... again.. you did an amazing job -
amazing write
WOW YOUR WORD'S JUST RAN RIGHT THROUGH ME WITH THE INTENCEITY OF YOUR WORD'S........GREAT WRITE -
WOW
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My ears deafened by sweet words
this waas nince i kinda liked it
but i though it need just a few metaphors
yet it was deep
i love the way you write -
Ohh my love, what a most wonderous heart wrenching write! I absolutely adored it! My emotions flew and fell hard. Making my heart feel the bleed..the sorrow and the knowing of an end.
(Lies and deceit...
Dreams that I wished to be true
The smile when you tore me apart
I remember them all)
I loved how you added this between each verse. It was as a whisper in the winds..of time uncatchable and unmendable. Splendid!
Your Lady of the roses~
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first off.... great pic. And the poem is good...I like the italic part....it really fits with the rest of them poem. Great job and keep on writing.
Liv -
wow
Darling Bard,
I know I have not been online lately, but life is hectic right now with me working such weird hours...Please do not think I have forgotten you.. Now onto this poem.
OMG! You did a freaking fantastic job on this poem. I love the flow you gave this poem, it is soo emotion filled that I had to sit back and reread it twice. I think you are making such kick ass poems! Keep up the good work.
Always yours,
Lady Tatianna -
This is beautiful, my friend. Within Temptation is, as always, a womderful inspiration to write and you've captured the spirit of the song.
Shadey -
That is really good and the imagery makes it all the better... beautiful .... much luck in the contest
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wow
wow
its absolutely beautiful.
u have one way ticket to my favourites list
maybe im amazed is definately amazed -
great write!
very good flow and rythm
nice write
oh.. and the picture is amazing!
gd luck in the contest
~rana~ -
Great job. I like how you have interpeted the song and mixed it with your own feelings. To me it almost feels like there is a hidden meaning somewhere in this poem. Anyway wonderfuly and beautifuly done.
Love always
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deep, from the heart.
wow. this is powerful, full of deep meaning. i really do like it. it sounds like me an someone i know. i like they way you have the repeating phrase in italics, because that makes it seem like it's got more meaning.
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