Aishah-Bibi - wild tulip in the endless sea of steppe
With tender eyes of doe and lips like petals of a rose -
A sylph on wings of pure love, yet you’re entrapped
Immured in a golden cage – you cannot love the one you chose…
Karahan-Baba - proud leopard of the Southern peaks
With dauntless akinak and heart of an eagle flying high -
A noble batyr on wings of pure love - yet you cannot seek
To opt who you truly are and love the one for whom you sigh…
The only hope is to escape with Babaji-Khatun’s cleverest advice
And then find bliss in every single breath you take
Together hand-in-hand until the somber day you die
To drink the luscious sherbet of a kiss and savor creamy touch…
But forbidden passion's long-awaited triumph never came,
And the two loving hearts had never reached the Milky Way,
For Asa River’s rancid waters had took the peri for its prey
And petrified the lovely limbs unsheathing poniards of deadly fangs…
And so Death came, and so Death crushed the scarlet heart
It took away her warmth, stole away her breath and tinkling laugh
Deprived her of sweet dreams and blanched the lively mind
Yet the pungent hands of Death couldn’t take away her love…
For it had dissolved among the swelling buds of cherries
Became the daring cheek of the first snowdrops
It is the sweetest scent the wind now carries
Way over the dismaying snowy tops…
Author notes
A poem based on an oriental legend:
legendsoftheeast.wordpress.com/2006/05/12/legend-of-aisha-bibi/
*akinak - type of a sword or dagger
*batyr - hero
*sherbet - sweet drink made of ice and milk
*peri - belle
Written October 29th, 2006
A contest entry
- Round 3 of 5 (Invite Only) by Kei-Aira.
300 points, ended November 2, 2006, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Ace's Rhyming Narrative Contest! by AceOSpades.
850 points, ended April 27, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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You've been hoodwinked!
this is a lovely legend, beautiful in its scope, prescence and presentation via your write, especailly loved;
And so Death came, and so Death crushed the scarlet heart
It took away her warmth, stole away her breath and tinkling laugh
Deprived her of sweet dreams and blanched the lively mind
Yet the pungent hands of Death couldn’t take away her love…
so very much a part of Oriental legends and folklore.
nicely done
JD and DK
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I adore Oriental culture. Given my way I would've definetely become an orientologist, instead of an accountant. But life generally has different plans. Oh well.
Anyways, I'm glad that you liked it - the legend behind it is very special to me as it originated where I live. Aishah and Karahan are much like Romeo and Juliet - I think any culture has a legend of the sort as it the conflict in it is so universal.
Thanks again - for you "hoodwinking" words!
Regards,
Jan
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I had never heard of this legend until now, so your little link and word bank at the bottom helped me heh. When the rhyme is there, it's great... so I don't know why it suddenly disappeared and changed around the middle. Consistent rhyme should be important for narrative poems like these, it kind of keeps the reader grounded and urges them to read on. The rhyming was almost... circumstantial here. I do like the message and the tale though, even though it's completely foreign to me... maybe that served to make it even more interesting for me, I dunno. Just fix up the rhyme and structure a bit and this'll be great.
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Thanks a lot - I know the thing is very raw. Your suggestions are very constructive and useful - i'm going to deal with the poem as soon as I tackle my exams.
THe message is indeed "foreign" - but that's in the nature of oriental legends and tales.
Thanks for hosting a great contest,
Regards,
Jan
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This is a very interesting story, and I think your poem does it justice. You write a lovely piece and manage to convey the story well. the explanation in the author comments also helped a lot.
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I looked at your link to this story, which helped me better understand certain parts of the poem. It sounds like the story is told more as a warning than as a testiment to true love, so I really liked your interpretation and presentation of the story. Messages of enduring love will always be my favorites!
Best of luck to you in the contest; looks like you put a lot of time and effort into this piece.
All the best,
~J. -
Oh deary
this is such very pretty love story!
What a fabulous job~~ you wrote this with such moving emotions!
Awesome!
I really enjoyed reaing your post, forbidden passion of the heart!
"Very impressed" is what I will leave with saying!
I hope you do well in ths contest!!!!!!!!!!!
Yazhi
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