30 days after the moon risen sun
and the earth is still a barren, dry sea of hope
so how did we get here?
and when will we be home?
this journey has long dragged us away
from all the piano dripped memories
and the smell of cotton on tuesday mornings
we tugged on the rope of lore,
and it won
so here we are
the whole world awaits us,
wrapping its gold ribbons around our ankles
and pulling us down down down
UP
on top of rainbows missing red
and pouring blue down on these shadows
while green grips at our ribs
watering us with dew
and violet overlaps our dreams,
of ever getting out of this forsaken world
orange rips away our frowns
while yellow smacks us with the energy
to keep moving on
Author notes
Written October 29th, 2006
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Brings much enjoyment to read
You are a gifted and talented writer. Powerful metaphors with splendid imagry. Your colorful word metaphors wraps throughout your reader's thoughts like delicate ribbons wrapped around a May Day Pole. -
Interesting piece...
I haven't read anything like it, I must say, and I love the personification of the colors. Overall good piece, but fix some spelling errors. -
the suggestion by Blkwidow77 of left aligning this poem is a good one
you've done wonderfully with color in this poem. to me it's fresh and original. i admire the use of color in writing but it's usually the same old thing... so kudos for the unique! -
Interesting little piece. Rainbows, I hear, are now cliched in poetry, but I must profess that I have a fondness for them still. Even though I'm not inclined to use them in my own work.
Usually though, the reason is that people use the rainbow in the same way. But you have taken it to steal the colors one by one and personify them. That works well. You have some great turns of phrase in this. Very creative for one so young. You should come to some of my contests, I always have running. I would like to see what you could do.
There are two things I did want to point out though. One is, in this line:
~~orange wrips away our frowns~~
Might I inquire what 'wrips' is? Was it supposed to be 'whips' or 'rips'? Otherwise, I can easily say that I've never seen that word before, and I know quite a few. lol
The other thing I might say, is that this is written well, and I think it would be better displayed as left aligned instead of centered. There are very few poems I've seen that look best centered. It tends to make them look jumbled. Just a thought though.
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