A table, lamp and some music,
ethereal melodies within, without,
With waves of anxiety allayed for now,
I sit down to let my heart look out.
Thoughts of past crimp the flow
Of emotions that trickle through my eyes.
After you ravished all that I once had,
Even tears desert me in disguise.
An unknown wag mocks at me
from a vapid mirror you left some day.
He asks me where did things go wrong,
And askew cracks crackle as if to say
At the hidden nexus of your being,
Was a fickle heart, burning with desire.
Winds of time were enough to cause
The genesis of that fatal fire.
As flames waxed, I became dismal
for you, who spoke of my virtu once.
Your agog face lost radiance,
In seconds that followed all those months.
Of course, to see death of what we sired,
does not bring smiles to my soul.
But seeing hollow in what I once admired
Is what burns my heart like age-old coal.
Author notes
written long ago for an assignment
Written October 29th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
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Hi Paneeri
Such pains dont really go I'm thinking.. they also keep us sweet.. they may add up to fear later perhaps..
Anyway, I like how you've portrayed this thought and feeling with a nostalgic context.. painting a picture of someone sitting at the reading table, listening to "haunting melodies" and letting theirselves freely go into the depths of his/her memories that are full of feelng- sweet ones turning sour.. your poem focuses more on this turning and looking for possible reasons.. and its portrayed in a way I liked to read.. thank you
I'm in no position to comment on your style and form, but I'd like to respond to your poem, as it rings raw and beautiful to me. Personally I would go a litle lay manish with the wordings, if I wanted to make it more relatable to everyone.. but of course thats me.. I guess I wrote too much here..
Loved your apt portrayal of someone reminiscing his/her old love turned sour.
Kunjal -
Hi, read u after a long time...
this one's very heartfelt and sad. use of words and metaphors is beautiful... first two stanzas and the last one.. are best..
keep writing
and keep smiling..
take care
-Neha
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There are so many lines I really liked in this poem...
'Even tears desert me in disguise' is one of them. As I read that I felt as if you were saying that there were no more tears to cry. Sadness made the hear dry, and that was repetead (in my mind at least) with the last two lines.
A sad and very deep touching poem.
Wishing you tears to cry (more of happiness than sadness!!!), 'cause when tears don't flow out our eyes is a sign of rigid emotions, it's like a silent wind
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This poem is very sad, and seems to seek someone to blame for failure in love. There are a lot of good words and images, for example, the mirror in stanza 3. Is rapine a verb? Another one like ravished or destroyed suits me better, but it's not my poem, is it?
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