I don’t know why I listen
why I believe all they say.
Why I let it get to me
allow my soul to decay.
But every time it happens
Just as things are going right,
Pull me back under
Into that eternal night.
I know that it’s wrong
To do all that I do,
I know I should fight it
But it helps me to get through.
The blade upon my skin,
The fire and the heat,
The drugs and the drink,
Almost make me complete.
To watch the blood drip
Proves I’m truly alive,
Drugs take the edge off
Allow me to survive.
No matter how I fight them
These urges always win,
I am beaten, I’ve lost,
Before I even begin.
Refusing to eat
As it will make it all right,
Unable to sleep
Awake through the night.
Dizzy and tired,
Yet at least I can feel,
The pain and the scars
Prove that this is real.
It's wrong and destructive
Makes me ill and weak,
But does it matter
My futures already bleak.
“Just once more”
Quickly becomes twice,
Three times, four,
Will nothing suffice?
Deleting the memories
Of things long past,
But it’s only short term
The relief won’t last.
Back into the spiral
But no longer care,
The pain and the emptiness
Were too much to bear.
"Just once more"
And the frency begins,
Drink numbs the brain
And the blade, it stings,
Drugs destroy reality
And take me far away,
I escape all the memories
Even if only for a day.
Author notes
1, 3 and 5 I think
in a ay could be a few of the others, but these three mainly. all things I have expirianced resently too... in the last 6 months I have started doing many things again which I thought I had moved past or was at least starting to recover from
Written October 28th, 2006
A contest entry
- Relapse Back To Insanity!!!!!( A contest about relapses of all kinds..MANY OPTIONS! by XXBrunettexBarbieXX.
300 points, ended November 10, 2006, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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I love this. I can relate to the words in many ways, as I am sure a lot of people can.
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incacle
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This is a really amazing poem. It is deep and emotional, raw and true. Your words flow wonderfully. I completely love it.
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OMG WOW.... Every time I read your poems before they just got better and better! Now that I have come back to read this poem, your poetry is still improving
I really like the rhyme and the flow! Well Done on ur bronze 
take care
~Forever silenced
P.S. missed yoooh x
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great job, it has a very strong meaning which is good for other viewers to read and expierence :]
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hmmmm
Very interesting, we're all a little insane if you think about it.
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its your life but you shooould try for getting back
it was nice and as always your poems are!
you are always goood
by
the poet of hearts and beautiful words
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I really, really, really love this. I love the way the poem flows, and it has such a strong message... It's totally relateable. Lovely write. :]
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Excellent!
I can so relate to this. Great Work!
Peace
Twinstar -
This is very well written, painful to read, and honestly open. I haven't been where you are (or were) but this poem draws a picture of pain that even I, the reader, can feel. Put your hand on your heart. Feel it beat. You are alive...
Love, Lane -
this is such a great write. So powerful and emotional. I can relate to all that you are saying and feeling. Cutting, drugs and alcohol it all hits close to home. They all becomes friends that we dont want to give up or stop using. I loved this write. I love all your work. Keep writting and ill keep reading. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck
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really good
good luck in the contest
great job -
Wow, this is such a sad write. Too many reocurrences have happened for you. I wish that maybe in time the urges will stop and you will have control once more. Best of luck to you in the contest. All4hugs
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Wow that's a great write! I, and I'm sure many others, find myself able to relate to this poem. Wicked job, good luck in the contest
~Skye
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