His time has almost come.
I see it in his slackening mouth,
the greyness of his skin.
Anger and sorrow dance a grim tango
through my heart to see him
lying here, alone
dying here, alone.
Once he was significant.
He would have given his life for his country.
Well, where is the Grateful Nation now?
There is only me. I sit here
feeling small.
I take his hand and marvel.
It feels solid for all its insubstantial life-force.
I wonder, in wonderment, about this man, this proud old soldier
and listen with goose bumps to his rattling breath.
His time is near.
I squeeze his hand to convey
how much I care. He squeezes back ~ feeble pressure.
Then, quite suddenly, his breathing stops.
Tearful silence fills the room and I lean over him,
tenderly smooth his waxen brow.
Whisper to his spirit,
“ Thank you.”
Death of a Soldier
(Condensed version)
His time has almost come:
slackening mouth, greyness of skin.
Anger and sorrow dance a grim tango,
seeing him
lying here; dying here, alone
when once he was significant.
Where is the Grateful Nation now?
I take his hand, solid despite its insubstantial life-force.
I squeeze to convey I care.
He squeezes back ~ feeble pressure.
I wonder, in wonderment about this proud old soldier,
listen with goose bumps to his rattling breath.
It stops, suddenly.
Tearful silence.
I lean over him,
smooth his waxen brow;
whisper to his spirit:
“ Thank you.”
Author notes
Never been much good at ruthlessly pruning!
In a list
A contest entry
- The Last Post by rufina caraid.
508 points, ended November 11, 2006, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Practice in COMPRESSION #44 Wed. at Winklings Winter Finals by Lyndon.
3590 points, ended February 26, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Memories of Sacrifice - Winklings #142 by Lyndon.
1750 points, ended November 17, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Very touching and personal. I preferred the longer version with its additional rich language.
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For me, there was greater intensity and feeling in the first version "Anger and sorrow dance a grim tango through my heart" more powerful than "Anger and sorrow dance a grim tango."
I am still grasping at the execution of the compression concept, wish I had something helpful to suggest.
But I can tell you I loved your poem. Reminds me of my grandfather.
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More compact, great impact!
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It's All Been Said...
...well done.
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Amazing! You captured the moment so well and spoke volumes in this write. Your trophy was well deserved. Kath
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This is so close to home for me (Aged Care Nurse) I can relate to all you say here and I sometimes feel that our old soldiers actually choose when their time is right. I like to think that they have the right to do that having had so much else taken from them, the final decision can be and sometimes is theirs alone. You show much respect to your old soldier and I, in turn respect that too. A lovely compassion filled poem, beautifully written.
Von -
a good piece here, it was hard for me to read to begin with for when i read your poetry i have this rhythm in my mind which i apply to your words and this threw that out of the window for it does not rhyme
i think with the author comemnts, it is better in my opinion, to not have them, your poem is powerful, to add author comments shows a lack of faith in your poem's power. let the work speak to the reader without adding trimmings. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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Thank you for this...it's for those like you that we do what we do, for those that appreciate the sacrifice and don't scoff at us or condemn us or call us child killers. We get attacked, tortured, burned in attacks or blown apart by snipers (as so lovingly showed on CNN) and yet so many don't appreciate us. This made me think of some of my uncles and grandfather who have served, some have died, but left WWII or Vietnam shot or maimed...and now that I serve, I understand everything they ever told me growing up. We go in knowing today may be the last day I live, we fight knowing our next breath could be our last, and we do it for you, so, thank you for caring, thank you for supporting, and from all of my brothers and sisters in arms, thank you for understanding...it's because of you that we know what we're doing is not in vain, may God bless you...
~Robert -
It is just passionate tribute to the golden souls time and time again by the poet who is so much beautiful in terms of the heart and the kindness to express through the beautiful words forming a great poetic verse here.. thank you so much...
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This is really good,it makes a great point, its quite sad really.I like the choice of words also.
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