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Exhale


            Reed

            Shoots reach forth and crack the earth
      with nodes that telescope into the air
until green blades dance out and sway against the sky

            A column falls before the saw
      drifting like a feather through its peers
   which lean and separate with rustle whisk and clack
until the parted clone lies cradled lightly in their midst

            Hollow sections lose their green
      hardened by the touch of open flame
until the thin walls cure to caramel colored hues

            Blemishes are smoothed away
      a plug is set with delicate precision
   bores probe and burn with care an empty space inside
until the slightest sigh sends echoes coursing through the wood



            Motion

            Ribs expand like gaping jaws
      and current rushes through a maze of tubes
to fuse with membranes hidden deep within the shell

            Rivers churn within their walls
      cycled through an all pervasive flow
   from channels of aeration through rapids fraught with force
to many-fingered deltas strewn across half-charted planes

            Bones contract a casual grip
      and moisture dissipates into the air
to mingle with a stream of circumscribing winds

            rained in far-flung alpine lakes
      absorbed by rolling seas of desert sand
   and perspired from the leaves of oaks and conifers
to drizzle dew on blades of grass half a world away



             Ambience

            Fingers dance on shades of brown
      as whispers vibrate down a narrow shaft
in waves that slowly learn their resonance and form

            Night after night uncertain sounds
      gather confidence beneath the moon
   phasing with the silhouettes of cherry trees
in movements half remembered from a long forgotten age

            Expression gradually finds its way
      to sagebrush valleys ponderosa peaks
in subtle overtones that grow in strength until

            timbres weave through redwood trees
      like whale song steeped in oceanic gloom
   resounding off sheer outcrops covered thick with moss
in undertones that settle like a mist among the ferns



Author notes

to learn more about the trisect: allpoetry.com/column/1780251
Written October 27th, 2006

In a list

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? Line numbers
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Comments

1 - 46 of 46

  • MysticAngelEyes
    March 23, 2007
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    wow that just leaves me so speechless, very nicely written. Very nice images.

  • midnightshadow
    February 2, 2007

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    I really enjoyed this poem, it really fit the bill. I nearly cried as I read through it, you write pretty well. I look forward to reading more of your work.
  • maheo
    January 16, 2007

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    It is sometimes hard to switch from reading a juvenile piece to an adult one, so I had to read this twice. I found it deeply profound, and oddly reminscent of a scene in "The Little Mermaid". I think that you have brought forth a unique offering into your mind.

  • ur worse nightmare
    January 15, 2007
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    wow your poem blew me away i loved it, i can;t wait to read more of your work, i love to see what inspires other people to write such wonderful pieces of work, keep up the good work
    raffles xx
    p.s i say that poetry is our gift to the worl


  • LostInsanity5291
    January 15, 2007

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    oh wow...very good... I'm basicaly speechless...all I can say is I adore this, love it... wonderful piece! bravo

    . Rewarded 4


  • redonyx
    January 14, 2007
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    Great poem! I thoroughly enjoyed it, the imagery, and fresh vocabulkary really did it for me. I think I'm immediatly going ot add you as a favorite. I am really interested in this 'trisect'. I'll read up on it.

  • Picnic-Lightning
    January 13, 2007

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    Simply fantastic.

    This is beautiful writing. The section begining with "Ambience" is truely amazing. I look forward to reading more of your work.

    -Nadya-

    . Rewarded 4


  • Sagergirl
    January 13, 2007

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    Great job with these ones. Images were portrayed with your words in great detail. You did an awesome job on this. I liked the motion one especially. Again awesome!!

    . Rewarded 4


  • ashira ladonai
    January 13, 2007

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    very interesting form, it was really different...i like it...i love the part "Fingers dance on shades of brown
    as whispers vibrate down a narrow shaft
    in waves that slowly learn their resonance and form

    Night after night uncertain sounds
    gather confidence beneath the moon
    phasing with the silhouettes of cherry trees
    in movements half remembered from a long forgotten age" you have such a way with words, it's beautiful...great job! Keep writing!
    ~ashira ladonai~

  • Mybeautyisfake
    January 13, 2007

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    Interesting. I like this. Its very deep. I'm not totally with it today, so i am sort of confused. But that is nothing you should worry about. lol.
    "Night after night uncertain sounds
    gather confidence beneath the moon
    phasing with the silhouettes of cherry trees
    in movements half remembered from a long forgotten age"
    My favorite stanza in your poem. i like it. And i also like how you related many different things to eachother. Nice job. <3

  • Mybeautyisfake
    January 13, 2007
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    I like this. It's very nice. Good job. <3

  • W B Burkholder
    January 6, 2007
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    Very different an quite a compelling read, well done with description and masterfully penned

  • January 6, 2007
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    This is great! Enjoyed it very much!

  • Deaths Caress
    January 5, 2007

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    Wonderful

    The imagery and slow pace of this poem make it a great read and the way you organized the lines is genius! Write on. =)

    . Rewarded 4

  • Molassis gold member
    December 29, 2006

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    Well, I've already come to expect perfection and imagery from you... and once again I haven't been let down... you put everything together so well... and I imagine that you take your time and write nothing fast... I can also see you going over each and every word to make sure it's exactly 'right'...

    It is always just so easy to place myself within the picture that takes shape from your words... I can see the cherry trees, feel the air and touch the world you create... it just blows my mind, it really does.

    I like the look of this poem, the uneven lines and I like the way it's divided. It's a really good write.

    It's always a pleasure to read you... I have no critique to offer... it's all just so ding-dang good!!

    Thanks so much for sharing your wonderful talent.

    ~Melissa


  • sidewinder silver member
    December 17, 2006

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    through this I can see life itself unfolding in all its majesty.
    I feel like an amateur when I read something like this.
    Well done!
    Keep penning on one stroke at a time!
    Bill

  • PalmettoSky
    December 6, 2006

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    This is simply spectacular. I applaud you and I salute you for it. This poem has great imagery, so much description and details. Its incredibly good. you have terrific potential. peace to you always.

  • WolfHeart
    November 25, 2006

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    Great!

    I am unfamiliar with trisects, so shall avail myself of your link to learn more. I thoroughly enjoyed each of the sections. Your writing is bold and daring. Lines 17-20 were my favorite - you showed the work of a human organ in most unique and captivating manner.
    I am glad you rewarded this, so that I have discovered a new fave.

    hugs WolfHeart

    . Rewarded 4

  • luvdrkchocolate
    November 25, 2006

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    Wow. This is a really long one you have running here. But I like it. Each part is connected in some way to the whole of the other too and helps you see beyond the images that you were protraying. I think that you did a really great job of it and I enjoyed this one!

  • Lyre-Bird- gold member
    November 25, 2006

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    All I can say is WOW WOW WOW!!! What a wonderful and creative write you have penned here, you have painted amazing visions
    keep writing you have much talent and lot to teach others
    Tracey

    . Rewarded 4

  • Siren Iron Beauty
    November 23, 2006

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    Beauty is in everything with you

    Physical expierience indeed; as well as emotional.
    You have a way with words, in which you giving more than the thing, but life and yourself. You speak heavenwardly and without vanity. Motion was the part in which I favored, it was so overwhelming and abgsolutly divine. Again thank you! You are on my favorites list by the way! I bet you love reading and learning. I love new words, learning. I like to just get the dictionary and explore it as I fall into thine self and its own mind.
    Saraph is my favorite word!

    . Rewarded 4


  • one shot
    November 23, 2006

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    Blown away...

    Absoluetly fantastic. Your vacant descriptions and spiritual, abstract imagery is oustanding... The atmosphere they helped create is beautiful, coated with the fluid flow of the poem itself... You have a superb range of vocabulary, of which I will not pretend to always understand the full meaning of... But absolutely wonderful piece. The title is excellent, these kind of words grip me into reading. The one word lines you have put in bold have an amazing effect... Bravo... for your awesome piece and amazing imagery!!!

    Keep writing, you created a world.
    Lady anairO
    Artiste.

    . Rewarded 4


  • black kitten22
    November 13, 2006
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    Great write, you have an elegant way with words, quite a masterful piece you have pulled off here, very different and refreshing, i have read so much poetry on here which seems to be an echo or a repitition of something ive read before, but this reminds me of nothing that springs to mind. This stands alone in its own realm ( which is a good thing) you conjured up an exquite image of the organic world. I enjoyed,. well done. amy
    (by the way you dont look your age at all.)
    Edited on Nov 13, 11:36 because ''.

  • BlackWidow43 silver member
    November 5, 2006
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    i like your background. i would comment on the poem, but i was tired and didnt really pay attention as i read.

  • Sexxy-ghetto-bezy
    November 4, 2006
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    awesome good work

    i love the poem exhale its really good u must got some experiences

  • brown paper bag
    November 3, 2006
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    I love nature poems and to be honest read about 15 in the nature poem catergory before I found this.You have written a beautiful poem that reflects what nature gives us.The imagery and how your words reach all the senses is expressed so well.I really enjoyed this.

  • aliceramone silver member
    October 29, 2006
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    execellent flow of words and imagery...I throroughly enjoyed it
  • TheShadowElectric
    October 29, 2006
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    Wow. That is some awesome writing there. The imagery is truly intense. I loved the nature images it portrayed in every stanza. It brought the great beyond to my computer screen. I loved the background, too.
    May butterflies keep you.



  • PerVirtuous Allan gold member
    October 29, 2006
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    A1

    Interesting and enjoyable.

  • Cupcrazy gold member
    October 29, 2006
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    Womderful piece with excellent flow and form. The thoughts are deep and captivating. Enjoyed this piece very much. keep your pen forever flowing. Bunny

  • A u r i e l l e
    October 29, 2006
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    WOW that's what I'm talkin about DEEEEP
  • maheo
    October 29, 2006
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    lovely...well-written and full of imagery.
  • rvh1956
    October 29, 2006
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    Masterpice

    Ah....this artfully crafted poem. Makes me feel humble and also inspired. You led the way through the piece in a gentle manner at least that is my thinking. The title a headings made feel as I do when reading a short subject type of book. This makes me think as to the way things are. Way to go. Rich.

  • Elfin silver member
    October 29, 2006
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    Hi Erin, well what do I say? To me you have just pulled off a poetic biology lesson. How easy it would have been to learn about nature and life through the words of Erin Thomas. You have been my inspiration to try different forms and to advance as a poet, thankyou so much. Plz give my love to family. Val.

  • Sanguine Silence
    October 29, 2006
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    I'm so jealous of you.
    Your skill is immeasurable.
    I can SEE every word of this poem. The word choice is brilliant. The words just flow together... a river of ink!
    Truly beautiful. I loved it.

  • glispa
    October 29, 2006
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    ah now this is truly beautiful , loved the background , to the sense it is devoid of colour, but not light though , as your words feed colour onto the page

  • Emerald13
    October 29, 2006
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    wonderful crafting ... retaining sound and imagery throughout - the reed from green to fingered (i fashion reed for writing/drawing - its got a wonderful 'giving' quality) and exhaling - love the interweaving with nature ... i wonder if you need the sub headings ? beautifully done in any case ... >>> GINA

  • MY lips will deny
    October 29, 2006
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    you are very educated. nice poem. full of alot of wisdom and nicely submitted.

  • Tam gold member
    October 29, 2006
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    OMG!

    OMG! I don't know how you manage to pull this off!
    Your writing is not like reading poetry at all. No sir!
    It is an actual physical experience and I am dumbfounded...AGAIN!
    You have a beautiful "voice" within your words and I feel such a deep abiding respect for Mother Nature in this amazing write.
    I admire and envy your skill of pen.
    YOU CAN SLING SOME INK.
    I'm delighted to read another of your fantastic creations.
    Though, it may be a while before I make another feeble attempt at "poetry" after this encounter...LOL!!
    I'm left feeling very inadequate as a Poetess at this point in time.
    Blessings! Tammy

  • Zahhar gold member
    October 28, 2006
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    yba: flu brain!

  • the poess
    October 28, 2006
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    I like this very much. Good story telling in this. It flows well and has great imagery. Definately worth the click. Wonderfully done.

  • SuZyCuE
    October 28, 2006
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    I loved this, From reeds swaying into the wind to full blown musical instrument. Your imagery is outstand as always.

    Suzanne

  • yourbentangel
    October 28, 2006
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    Erin,
    I just had the funniest picture in my head of you mowing your lawn.... I know crazy, but that is what the first part of this piece reminded me of.
    Thanks for posting this one.. I think if I felt better I would be more insightful, but that awful flu bug going around has invaded my brain!!
  • Kay Laon Anders
    October 28, 2006
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    Great Write

    Wow...I can't think of much to say about this one at the moment except that it has as always good imagery..

    KAY
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